TV

“Empire” recap (2.2): Rainbow Sensation

Despite this week’s episode of Empire being directed by out filmmaker Dee Rees, it was admittedly way less lez than last week. So therefore, this recap will be a little briefer and with less of Anika’s booty.

Cookie, Hakeem and Andre are ready to start their own label. Anika is on the periphery, too, but Cookie doesn’t want to hire women who can’t even dyke right: “I don’t care how good she is. I still don’t trust her ass.” But Cookie, have you seen the work it can do?

However, Empire still owns Hakeem’s album and Hakeem is too preoccupied with wanting to put together a girl group to record any new music. Anika is still at work, trying to produce Empire’s vocalist Veronica (V) but insults her, and Cookie takes over.

Jamal is performing for a TV interview with Spilling the Tea, and he winks at his man throughout. He said he loves his beautiful female fans (“men as well, by the way”) and Michael gets brought into the interview from the kitchen (WHERE HE BELONGS!) to discuss jealousy in their relationship. They claim it is non-existent, which is probably true because Michael has to worry more about Empire taking up Jamal’s time, not another man.

Cookie interrupts the interview to convince Jamal to give Hakeem his album back. But then she does something that doesn’t make a ton of sense, because he hasn’t yet agreed to give it back: She tells him about the new company. Oh, well. He was going to hear about it anyway, if Becky or his gay assistant are doing their jobs.

Lucious’s meds are being kept from him and he can’t believe this because he is supposed to be receiving the best prison care possible. But he must be doing alright because he’s rapping in the prison yard: “Snitch. Bitch. Snitching ass bitch!” Then he can’t stop coughing, which attracts the attention of Ludacris as a guard with a Napoleon complex: “Forget whose house this is. MINE!”

Hakeem has his right-hand lez Chicken helping him audition girls for his new group. She’s already on her Diddy, saying things like, “We’ll be the ones with the opinions.” When a feisty Latina played by Becky G auditions and delivers some sass, Chicken keeps it real: “You sure you wanna do this? Three girls? It’s going to be that all the time.” She knows what it’s like in a gaggle of gals.

Cookie tries to kick Anika out of the studio (again) but thankfully she is there to help shoot down Hakeem’s idea of the multi-racial girl group called Rainbow Sensation He didn’t mention anything about them all being different parts of the LGBT community, but I assume that’s a part of it. Otherwise, it’s just like the Cheetah Girls.

Anyway, Cookie and Anika have a little war of words over who is a hoe and who is a drug dealer. I’m holding out for a Sweeps week episode where they have a passionate hate fuck. (Come on, Ilene Chaiken!)

Jamal goes to visit his dad where a man in a purple suit introduces himself as a lawyer named Thirsty. He says he likes to play dirty, just like the prosecutor. That was exactly what Lucious wanted to hear.

Meanwhile, Tiana is in the studio “working on a new single” (aka dancing and lip syncing with a bunch of fly women). Sadly, she does not perform in front of her gf, India, like Jamal does in front of Michael. At least not today.

Instead, Hakeem stops by to offer her the chance of a lifetime to star in his GIRL GROUP. Tiana is not trying to hear that and, thankfully, Cookie intervenes to save Hakeem from losing their bisexual pop star. Hakeem is an idiot but he is still wanted by Jamal back at Empire and then he is in a hot tub with Valentina.

Andre’s wife reveals she’s pregnant to Jamal and asks for him to take his brother back at Empire. She knew she could use the “Uncle Jamal” card to appeal to his narcissism and dreams of being a gay uncle.

In prison, “Snitch Bitch” is becoming a reality, care of Thirsty Robinson. (Best name ever.) We are all supposed to suspend disbelief and think Lucious is an amazing emcee. It’s, like, an accepted fact by everyone around him, which could be because he’s rich and powerful, but seriously HOW did he come up at the same time as real life visionary rappers like Tupac and NWA?

Luda must agree with me, because he busts in on the recording session and reminds Lucious he’s an inmate. Then the gayest exchange ever goes down: “We were just talking about your ass,” Lucious says. “That right? Talk about it in the hole.” Luda threatens to kill Lucious because there would be “no consequences. You’d be just another dead rapper.” Lucious probably considers this for a moment, because it would make his single even bigger, but he would rather live right now.

Chicken helps Hakeem leak his album online (I love their friendship)…

…but Andre has had it. THIS IS NOT SMART BUSINESS. HOW CAN YOU MAKE MONEY FROM A FREE ALBUM? He quits and decides to go appeal to his father, who has frequent daily visiting hours. But Lucious refuses him because he struggles with mental health like his mama (Kelly Rowland) did. Jamal being gay is OK now, tho? Everyone is mean to Andre and it makes me sad.

Cookie finds a new space for the label, and becomes inspired by the landlord saying it was owned by a “Jewish dynasty.” AHA, that’s it! JEWISH DYNASTY. JK, just Dynasty.

It turns out Becky and gay assistant are NOT doing their jobs because Hakeem stops by Jamal’s to tell him he leaked his album. Hakeem makes it clear he’s not coming back to Empire, and Jamal threatens to sue.

The episode ends with Cookie and Hakeem cleaning up their “new kingdom” (aka warehouse space). They turn up the radio just in time to hear the hot new prison single “SNITCH. BITCH.” And Cookie thinks it’s hot! (No one can see the parallels between this ditty and “Drip, Drop”? It’s the same hook!) Lucious’s luck continues because Thirsty shows up at his court hearing just in time to blackmail the judge with photos of him enjoying a little ball and gag, and Lucious is set free.

Next week: Is Mimi back? Will Tiana have more to do? Can Chicken get a GF?

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button