“The L Word” Recaps: Episode 6.04 “Leaving Los Angeles”

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The Hit club — DJ Sunset is holding court on Boys’ Night. That’s right, the floor of the Hit club is covered with man-feet.

Kit: I just love boys’ night. I just love looking at all these beautiful boys.

Sunset: So what put you off men, honey child?

Kit: What didn’t?

Sunset: You got burned?

Kit: Well, when you tangle with a man, you gonna get burned.

OK, what? I mean, I know Kit never gets good lines, but come on! These lines are so underwritten, they’re more like rebuses.

DJ Sunset wants to know where Kit’s “girlfriend” Helena is. Kit, are you still letting him think that you and Helena are a couple? Shame.

Kit: She’s at Alice’s. Alice and Tasha are going to try to get her to get over this Dylan Moreland.

Sunset hopefully asks whether Helena is still hung up on Dylan.

Kit: I hope not. It’ll break my heart.

Sunset: Honey, anybody who messes with Kit Porter’s heart gonna have to answer to Sunset Boulevard. And that is not something I recommend.

Kit: Well, you go on with your bad self.

Forget rebuses; these lines are more like Mad Libs. Want to write some lines for Kit? Do some Kit-a-rific Mad Libs!

[Exclamation], girl! You gonna [verb] your [noun] if you ain’t [adjective] with your [adjective] self!

And you know, [indecipherable slang], the men in this [nonsensical adjective] world, they are [colorful adjective]. And what they do to me, it’s just [mixed metaphor]. And the women, too, they are [spelled-out plural noun]. Mmm, girl!

Alice’s house of hookups — Things are already off to a bad start. As Tasha and Jamie get things ready, Alice greets Helena at the door. Helena and Jamie proceed to say exactly opposite things about Runyon Canyon — Jamie loves it; Helena hates it. I get that this is supposed to be shorthand for “they’re doomed,” but even for shorthand, it’s a little too short.

The Hit club — Tom is wearing a verdant V-necked tee, which makes him look even more like Legolas than usual.

Gimli, er, Max shows up and interrupts the conversation Tom is having with a hunky guy. Yes, Max is jealous, and Tom doesn’t like it at all.

Tom: He was just being friendly. It’s what guys do.

The implication is that Max wouldn’t know what guys do, since he’s not really a guy. Sigh. Even Tom is betraying you, Max. Your hairy face must have come with a hair shirt.

Kit interrupts to break the tension.

Kit: [to Max] Hi, handsome. What’re you drinking?

Max: Mineral water.

Kit: It’s not so bad. Just a few more months, right?

Max: Yeah. Thanks.

I guess Kit has always been the go-to character when someone needs support. It’s not a great substitute for substantive scenes, but it’s something.

Max finds Tom and apologizes.

Max: I’m sorry. All these things are happening to my body, and they totally go against how I feel about myself. I guess I’m just a little scared, OK? I just feel things so intensely. It’s driving me f—ing nuts. But I love you, all right? And I know you’re gonna be a great dad. And I’m really excited to start a family with you.

Tom just sort of stands there and listens. He’s probably still recovering from the plastic vagina trauma. Or the trauma of being on the receiving end of that line delivery.

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