“The L Word” Recaps: Episode 6.04 “Leaving Los Angeles”

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The Habanero Cafe — Shane is taking a last few puffs from a cigarette as she arrives for a lunch date. She sits down to a giddy and distracted Alice, who (despite not having smoked anything, as far as we know) feverishly describes the plans for dinner with Jamie and Helena. Nutloaf is on the menu.

Alice: Isn’t that weird, though, that we’re both vegetarian?

Shane: Uh … you’re not a vegetarian.

Alice: I have been eating so many vegetables lately. Like, extra vegetables.

Shane sarcastically calls this “cute,” and they both agree that Helena and Tasha aren’t vegetarians either. OK, so, one out of four. Close enough.

Alice: Everyone’s coming over ’cause we’re all broke.

Shane: Helena’s not broke.

Alice: But Jamie’s not a gold digger, like Dylan, so that’s why we’re not eating out.

Huh? Logic has never been Alice’s strong suit, but this is bordering on Björk-ish. Alice says she’s just excited about her “new friend,” but it’s as clear to Shane as it is to us: Alice is besotted with Jamie. Tsk-tsk.

Before Shane can tease Alice, though, Jenny arrives. She wasn’t invited, but she didn’t have anything better to do, and surely they don’t mind, do they?

Jenny: [kissing Shane] Were you smoking?

Shane: No.

Jenny: Really?

Shane: Really.

Just keep working on that blank look, Shane. I have a feeling you’re going to need it.

Nevada — At the potential birth mother’s house, Bette, Tina and Angelica are greeted by a snarling dog. They get past that obstacle, only to find that the birth mother’s parents are something less than … well, just generally less than. It’s like a parallel universe version of Juno, and not in a good way — in a way that’s not any fun at all.

The half-witted parents start off by asking Bette and Tina who “the mother” is.

Tina: We both are.

Mr. Moron: [snickering] I’d like to know how that works.

Bette: Well, Tina gave birth to her.

Mrs. Moron: Really? Oh … I woulda thought it was you. You’re just more …

Let me finish that thought for you, ma’am: Just more black. There’s none more black in this room, as they might say on Spinal Tap.

Bette: Well, that’s why we chose an African-American donor, so that she would look like both of us.

Mr. Moron: Well, how does she look like [pointing to Tina] her?

The birth mom interrupts, begging him to stop.

Bette: Marci, it’s OK.

But the expression on Marci’s face says that it’s definitely not OK. It gets even less OK as Mrs. Moron tries to work out where Angie’s father is.

Mrs. Moron: Are you, uh, still together with the father?

Tina: [confused] No.

Bette: He was just a donor. I adopted Angelica from birth.

Mrs. Moron: [trying to get it] OK. But you’re married.

Bette launches into a little speech about marriage rights and how they should be federal and fully equal, and she’d probably keep nervously (and cutely) chattering about it for several more minutes, if it weren’t for Tina’s calm interruption.

Tina: [softly] Sweetie, I think she’s asking if you’re married to a man.

Bette: [whispering] You’re kidding.

Marci decides to intervene.

Marci: Mom, they’re together with each other. Like, they’re a couple.

Mrs. Moron: And you knew that?

Marci: Yeah. It’s my choice, mom.

Mrs. Moron: The hell it is. You move outta here and you take care of your own kids, then it’s up to you.

Mr. Moron: I think it’s time for both of you to go.

Well, that went well! Where are Allison Janney and J.K. Simmons when you need them?

Making dinner — At Alice’s place, Jamie and Alice are preparing the nutloaf. Alice is still giddy and goofy and very obviously smitten. They get to know each other: Jamie comes from a long line of cops, but only lasted for about six months as a cop herself. So now she serves in a different way, and she thinks maybe Alice should “serve” at the Gay and Lesbian Center too. Alice says she’ll think about it. You know, when she’s not so busy thinking about what Jamie looks like naked.

Alice starts to chop nuts one by one, so Jamie teaches her the “trick” of putting them in a plastic bag and crushing them all at once with a rolling pin (or bottle of wine, if that’s what you have handy). Isn’t it nutty that they’re flirting over a bag of nuts? Nutty and, well, kinda s–tty. Jamie seems pretty great, but I still have my cap set for Talice.

Jamie confesses that she’s nervous, and for a moment it looks like Alice wants to say, “me too,” but then she figures out that Jamie is talking about Helena. Sigh. Can I just get a bag of nuts to go, please? I’ve pretty much lost my appetite.

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