“The L Word” Recaps: Episode 6.04 “Leaving Los Angeles”


Over at the bar — Tina doesn’t really want to hear anything Dylan has to say. But Dylan is nothing if not persistent.

Dylan: I’m here because I’ve got nothing to lose. Helena is the love of my life, and I would give anything for another chance to be with her.

Tina: And you want me to help you?

Tina politely declines. Sorry, Dylan. I think maybe Tina was getting a mixed message: your words touched her heart, but your flippy clown hair tickled her funny bone.

A dangerous proposal — Kelly wants Bette to tell her about some “exciting” artists.

Kelly: I want to know what you know.

Bette: It’s taken me 20 years to know what I know. I mean, you’ve been at this what, nine months?

Hey, it’s long enough to produce a Mini Max, so why not a career? And a career is exactly what Bette is thinking about right now — her own, that is.

Bette: The best way I can think of to help you, to make your gallery a contender, is if I would come and work with you.

Kelly: What about CU?

Bette: I resigned.

Kelly wasn’t exactly expecting to hear this, and it isn’t exactly true. Bette claims that she “missed being in the trenches” of the real “art world.” You mean that all-out war with Jodi wasn’t edgy enough for you? But yeah, I guess it was never quite as exciting as the free-speech protests and the death threats from right-wingers. The art world is so action-packed!

For some reason, Kelly believes every fib that’s falling from Bette’s luscious lips.

Kelly: And so … you wanna come work for me.

Bette chuckles deeply. Note to self: if you ever meet Beals, say something preposterous in the hopes of getting her to laugh like that.

Bette: Oh, not in your wildest dreams. I mean, if you think that just because you won $50 million in some divorce —

Kelly: Eighty-nine.

Bette: $89 million.

Kelly: Please don’t forget that.

Bette: Whatever. If you think that in any way remotely qualifies you to be my boss, we can just air-kiss good-bye right now.

And then Bette gets serious. Kelly is hanging on her every word, and Bette is happy to take her moment in the spotlight.

Bette: What I’m offering you is to be your partner.

There’s just a skosh too much meaning in Bette’s eyes as she says the word “partner,” and Kelly notices it. To hammer the point home, the camera refocuses on a table behind them, where Tina is trying not to look concerned.

Another ill-fated pair — Speaking of Tina’s table, Helena is there now, dealing with her own blast from the past. Alice reveals that Dylan referred to Helena as “the love of her life.”

Jenny: Helena. What can we offer you in the way of protection?

Whoa. It’s the gay mafia all of a sudden. Don’t take her up on that, Helena! Dylan’s going to end up in Jenny’s attic, tied to a mattress made of rejection letters and subsisting on the macaroni art Jenny made in second grade.

Helena pooh-poohs it all and insists she’s fine. Never mind that hungry look in her eyes as Tina talks about Dylan.

Tina: She’s been living in San Francisco. She moved back to L.A. because her dramatic short got accepted into Outfest.

Alice: Oh, that’s rich. So she’s a gay filmmaker now?!

That’s not what I got stuck on — she moved to L.A. just because her short film is in a festival? That’s like me saying, “Well, I have a conference in Chicago next month — better put the house on the market!”

Tina hands Dylan’s business card to Alice, who then hands it to Tasha. Tasha reads it aloud — “Do Ask, Do Tell Productions” — then tears the card in half and puts it on a saucer. Gee, I wonder if that’s the last we’ve seen of that card?

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