“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (6.07): We didn’t start the fire

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Previously on Rizzoli & Isles: Cousin Carlo comes to visit. Jane and Maura flirt over fried dough. And we all scream “NOW KISS!” at them.

Whenever someone’s dog runs off a hiking trail on TV, one of two things are bound to happen. Either, one, that person is about to be dead. Or, two, that person is gonna find a dead person. In this case, hiking lady’s golden lab finds a dead young woman in a cage. It’s terrible, but I think that dog deserves a biscuit.

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Speaking of biscuits, Jane saunters up to Maura in the kitchen like she already had her “biscuit” earlier that morning. You know “biscuit” means sex, right? At this point, I’m not even sure why the writers continue the charade of these two living separately. No one is at a friend’s house this much first thing in the morning. Unless, of course, they are sleeping with said friend.

Maura looks over and notices some fuzz on Jane’s shoulder. Naturally, she reaches over to pick it off. Because that’s what living creatures who love each other do – groom each other. Cats. Monkeys. Girlfriends.

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Jane swats her away, because there’s always a grumpy cat/monkey/girlfriend in the colony. Maura’s eyes get big, but then narrow because the best revenge is getting even/having a girlfriend without linty clothing. She goes to the drawer and whips out a lint roller and brandishes it at Jane like they’re about to start a fencing match.

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Jane’s all, never take a knife to a gunfight. But Maura is undeterred and lunges at her lady. Then they chase each other around the kitchen like we’re in a Katherine Heigl romantic comedy from the mid 2000s.

Mama Rizzoli comes in and breaks up the flirty swordplay. Notice how she is completely unfazed walking in on Jane and Maura doing all manner of coupley things. Come on, you two, mama knows. At this point you’re only fooling yourselves.

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Maura rats out Jane’s fuzzy clothing and Mama R takes over and demands Jane’s coat like the good mother hen she is. As Jane takes off her jacket she lets out a low growl, like when you try to brush your cat against her will and she wants to make it abundantly clear she hates it but still loves you enough not to scratch your eyes out right now.

As Jane disrobes, Maura makes sure to sneak a peek at her lady’s ladies. Yep, we saw that little eyebrow raise. Someone likes what she sees and sees what she likes.

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Mama R and Maura puzzle over what the offending substance all over Jane’s jacket could be. So Jane confesses it is from her couch, because the duct tape came off and the stuffing is spilling out. Maura does not control her face well because it clearly says, “How am I dating this woman? How?”

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But the revelatory horrors only continue as Jane tells them her couch has a hole in it. Jane tries to change the subject to her second-favorite subject, food. But Maura remains undeterred trying to drill down to exactly how she could be in a relationship with a person whose couch has a hole that is being patched with duct tape.