“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (6.06): Is that a zeppole, or are you happy to see me?


Previously on Rizzoli & Isles: Senior Criminalist Susie Chang is murdered. They killed Susie. Those bastards.

Maura comes down in to the kitchen and finds Jane trying to run the dishwasher. She is not surprised to find Jane there for a number of reasons. 1) Jane clearly spent the night. 2) Jane basically lives there already. 3) Jane is trying to be nice to her girlfriend by clearing up their dishes from breakfast for a change. OK, that last one was a little surprising. We all know Jane is a “leave it in the sink and hope the dish elves clean it” kind of gal.


Oh, about her using Maura’s dishwasher? Don’t worry, all “gal pals” know how to run and feel comfortable turning on their friends’ dishwashers. Hell, sometimes I just pop over to my BFF’s place for the sole purpose of cleaning her tableware. This is totally normal friendship behavior, folks. Nothing to see here.

In fact the only unusual thing about this interaction is that Prius-driving Maura doesn’t want to run her dishes on the “eco”-air dry mode. But, let’s be honest, that mode is bullshit and we all know it. It just turns into a really expensive drying rack.


Maura has arrived bearing “good news.” She had a call from Mama Rizzoli’s cousin Carlo, who has invited himself over later that night. But what appeared at first to be good news is actually very, very bad news in the Rizzoli Universe. Cousin Carlo is the family’s litigious black sheep. He is a slip-and-fall expert who will no doubt try to bilk Maura out of money.

Couple things about this development. How does a distant relative no one has had any contact with in more than five years know to get to both Jane and Mama Rizzoli through Maura? Is the gay so obvious that it can be sensed even by long-lost family members? Oh, who am I kidding, it’s so obvious it can be seen from space. I’m expecting NASA’s New Horizons to send back clear pictures of the Gayzzoli it filmed on its way past Pluto any day now.


Mama R comes in to Maura’s place shortly after and Jane briefs her on the Cousin Carlo situation. Rubber mats must be bought. Glass vases must be removed. Knives must be hidden. Then Jane and Maura’s phones go off and it’s murder time. So Mama R is left to prepare the Isles Estates for a pending Rizzoli Apocalypse.

Jane and Maura arrive at the scene, which is a massive big-box store sale. There was a stampede when the doors opened and a woman is down. Her and her daughter had camped out there the night before, so possibly she just fell down of embarrassment about the state of modern humanity. But, no, she was stabbed in the back. Et tu, Wal-Mart?


Back at the office Frankie and Nina find a guy on the surveillance video who doesn’t look like he is there to shop. Hey, how are you guys doing? I know it’s hard losing a longtime co-worker. Has grief counseling been offered? Has the department hired a replacement yet? Oh, we’re just not going to bring up Susie at all, even a little? Cool, cool. Denial is the first stage of grief.

Frankie and Jane go to find the uninterested-in-shopping guy at a bus station where he turns into crazy ranting guy. But it’s OK, he’s not actually nuts, he just has a medical condition that makes it impossible for him to remember faces. So, in other words, he is the world’s worst witness.


Jane goes straight to Maura to find out if witness guy’s facial recognition blindness is a real thing or a fake condition like gluten allergies. (Kidding. I know that all three of you with legitimate gluten allergies have it really rough. Namaste.) Maura confirms it’s a real thing (no, not the gluten-free crap)–at least as real as hot dogs.

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