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“Pretty Little Liars” recap (6.7): Candy from Strangers (or Spencer)

Previously on Pretty Little Liars, Mona showed up in a denim vest to flawlessly school the Liars, Aria photographed some more dolls, and Hanna wrestled a raccoon for a Cheeto. That raccoon now has a Twitter account, and if he gets more followers than me, I’m throwing my laptop out the window.

We open with Spencer and Aria googling microchips and surgical removal videos. Spencer wants to find a way to use their chip knowledge to outwit A, while Aria is touching her neck every time a text comes in. Mona has arranged for them to meet with red herring of the week Leslie, and they want Ali to come with. But Ali isn’t answering her phone. She’s on a road trip to nowhere with her dad, who is making a last ditch attempt to save (one of) his kids from Charles’s wrath. Too little too late, Mr. DiLaurentis.

Hanna is just chilling at home, wearing her grandmother’s pearls and business blazer when Ashley rushes in with the mail. While Hanna was in the Dollhouse, Ashley spent all her time applying to scholarships because she never gave up hope. Who knew Boone’s Farm gave out scholarships?! It’s paid off, because now Hanna has a check for 30k from the Carissimi group (aka an A shell corp, because, come on).

Emily is at the Brew, also waiting for Ali to call her back. Keep waiting, girl. Clare shows up looking for her. You guys remember Clare, right? She’s one of Sara’s friends that came to visit in that doppelgänger episode? I think she was their group’s Spencer? As opposed to that one chick in flannel, who we all assumed was Emily’s doppelgänger, because gay? Anyhoozle, she wants to see Sara and reconnect, but Emily bares her teeth and growls at her like a possessive puppy.

Toby is back from Out Of Town, and he shows up at Spencer’s ready to get some reunion sex on. Spencer is psyched to see him, but she has to go meet Aria for shenanigans. Toby reminds her that they don’t do secrets anymore and Spencer is like, “LOLOLOL seriously though, I have to go.”

The Liars (sans Emily, who is spending this episode on the fringes like some sort of Aria) visit Mona and are pissed that Leslie didn’t show up. Mostly pissed, Aria is more interested in turning all the dolls to face the wall.

Mona assures them that Leslie is innocent, because she would know, being an omniscient being and all. Spencer says that she has to be A, since Mona told them that someone stole the A game from her while she was in Radley. Mona admits that she was on so many drugs,she didn’t know whether she was waltzing with Ali’s ghost or audition for American Idol. OR BOTH, MAYBE. Here’s a scientific breakdown of Mona’s time at Radley:

Emily and Sara talk about visiting Clare, but they’re both still thinking about that make-out sesh from the night before. Sara wonders if she dreamt it, but to be fair that’s most girls’ responses after kissing Emily. Sara tells Emily it was her first real kiss in three years, and Emily assures her that there will be more. I mean, from someone, not definitely her. Or maybe her. She’s hedging her tender gay feelings, and when Sara says they should take some time to think, Emily agrees.

Lorenzo goes to Ali’s house, where he finds Jason, who tells him that Ali is OOT for a few days/forever. Jason notices a red balloon and a party invitation on his porch, which the cops would have noticed if they weren’t so busy slamming Ali and being the worst. It’s an invite for Charles’s birthday, and he tells Jason to come alone or not at all. I guess Charles isn’t into plus ones.

Over at Casa Montgomery, Aria has a laundry basket full of creepy dolls that she’s getting rid of. Apparently she’s over keeping creepy old things around (dolls, Ezra) and is ready to change subjects. Mike has emerged from under someone’s porch to ask her why Mona refuses to see him, and Aria assures him she didn’t scare her off. How long has it been since everyone escaped the dollhouse? Why are people just now trying to reconnect with Sara and Mona? Rosewood time is a mystery.

Sara and Clare meet up for milk and cookies, and Emily is there for some third wheel shenanigans. BTW, we can officially rule out the “Sara is Bethany” thing, right? It’s awkward at first, but Sara soon warms up to her friend and starts asking her a million questions. It’s nice to see Sara act like a teenager instead of a shower-loving zombie, but Emily feels left out.

Hanna and Spencer are hanging out at the Brew, and Hanna says that she feels like a Cyclops with the chip in her neck. Spencer says she means cyborg, but Hanna knows what Hanna means. They’re researching her scholarship with A) doesn’t exist and B) is somehow connected to Radley. All roads lead to Radley, y’all.

Sara and Clare are deep into a gossip sesh when Emily says it’s time to go. Clare invites Sara to sleep over, but Emily is hesitant to let Sara leave without police/Emily Fields protection.

Back at the Brew, Spencer gets a call from Ali, who has stolen her dad’s cell in a desperate bid to reach the Liars. She tells Spence that Charles is alive and begs her to keep Jason safe. Then her dad beats the door down and tells her that Jason can fend for himself, as can her friends. That’s Kenny DiLaurentis: Father of the Year.

Meanwhile, Sabrina tosses some pot gummies in Spencer’s purse.

Sara has decided to move in with Clare, and Emily is all butthurt over losing her protectee. Sara assures her that she’s cool with Clare, and now that she’s moving out she can actually date Emily for realsies. She kisses Emily, because spontaneous make outs will be so much easier once she’s LEFT the Fields residence. As Sara packs her things, lesbians the world over line up outside Emily’s door for a chance to pet her hair like a pony.

The rest of the Liars go to the DiLaurentis house to find Jason, but he refuses to see them. Mike decides that the best way to get Mona to see him would be to show up with the laundry basket of Aria’s dolls. Mona tries to get rid of him, but Mike is still in love with her. She’s upset because she faked her death for nothing and hurt the people who love her, but Mike doesn’t care; he’s just happy she’s alive.

Emily takes a break from her girl probs to meet up with the Liars, and in her absence Hanna and Spencer have watched some YouTube vids and are ready for some amateur surgery. Hmm…I’ve watched some break-dancing videos on YouTube, but that doesn’t mean I can pop and lock. THIS is why you need to stick around, Emily! You leave for five minutes and these dummies think they’re on Grey’s Anatomy. Spencer is convinced that removing their chips will give them the jump on Charles, but Emily is like, “Were those scalpels just lying around? Are they clean? I’m concerned.”

The Liars decide to rope Toby in, and Spencer fills him in on the Charles DiLaurentis of it all. He wants to tell Tanner about the meet-up, but Spencer begs him to keep quiet because Charles is tracking the police. She begs him for one night of rogue police work, and he agrees on the condition that he goes alone. Spencer reluctantly agrees, but wild horses couldn’t keep that girl from a stakeout.

Mona sorts through Aria’s collection of creepy bound dolls, and starts crying. Mike tells her to forgive herself, and they kiss. Guys, I want Mona to be happy, but seriously…this guy?Toby takes Hanna’s burner phone and starts tracking Jason’s car. Probably, a good idea to go alone, as all the Liars are bleeding from the neck. He kisses Spencer goodbye and steals her pot candy. What the fuck, bro?! You don’t just take people’s candy! This is on par with joining the A team and gaslighting your girlfriend.

Speaking of controlled substances, Ali has decided that the best way to deal her temporary imprisonment is to make her father some decaf coffee and drug him with sleeping pills. Seems reasonable! She hops in Mona’s car and they drive off.

Over at Rosewood PD, Toby chugs Spencer’s candy and convinces Lorenzo to join him the Charles stakeout. Spencer paces around her bedroom until she decides to crash the stakeout, dragging all the Liars along with her. Aria almost dials 911, then relents.

Meanwhile, Jason stumbles into a creepy, abandoned arcade looking for Charles, while Charles skulks around in the shadows. Mona and Ali are in the car together, and it’s awkward. Ali thanks her for helping, and dials 911 in an effort to save Jason and her friends. I love that Ali immediately launches into her story, as if a stranger at a call center would have any idea who A or Charles or anyone is.

Jason is just about to make contact with Charlie when Officer Toby busts in with his gun drawn. So much for a subtle stakeout. Charles releases some metal rods and fires up a batting cage machine that starts pelting Lorenzo with baseballs. Toby starts tripping his face off just as the arcade lights come on.

The Liars show up, as balls fly and pinball machines explode. Then the cops storm in and everyone freezes. Charles escapes and Jason is again denied a reunion with his brother. Great work, everybody!

At home, Ashley is furious that Hanna is tromping around chasing kidnappers instead of planning for her future like a normal person. Hanna tells her mom that she thinks the scholarship funds are tainted DiLaurentis money, but Ashley tells her that she’s more than earned it. Besides, the check has been deposited.

Aria is crying in her room while Mike comforts her. He tells her she’s really brave, and gives her a letter. She’s a finalist for the Los Angeles photo competition! Better get more dolls.

Spencer finds Toby tripping balls at the police station, and feels bad that she didn’t share her stoner exploits with him. She’s upset because they were SO CLOSE to catching Charles, but Toby tells her to leave him alone so he can sober up.

Emily sees Sara’s stuff all packed up and smells her pillow like a creeper. She then takes her microchip and smashes it with a book. Jason pours himself a scotch, and Ali begs him not to throw away his sobriety for Charles’s bullshit. They hear a child’s voice, and head up to the attic, where Charles has set up an old family movie.

It’s Ali and Jason at Charles’s birthday party, only they remember him as their weird cousin Freddie, whose birthday party they had to keep secret from dad. In the film, Freddie/Charles asks Mrs. D if he has to “go back” yet, presumably to Radley. Yikes, these DiLaurentis kids need ALL the therapy. Next to the film projector is a note from Charles, saying he wanted to trust Jason.

We then see Charles aka Black Hoodie with a birthday gift from “his friend and ally.” He unwraps a portrait of that birthday party. Is Charles now giving himself presents, or is there someone else on the A team?

Only two more weeks until the unmasking of Charles! What did you think of this week’s episode? Are you next in line to move in with Emily? Tweet me @Chelseaprocrast

Thanks as always to Nicole aka @PLLBigA for her terrific screencaps. I’d share my weed gummies with you any day of the week!

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