“The Fosters” (3.7) recap: Take me to church

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Previously on The Fosters, Callie asked to buy her own car and Brandon threw a fit when he found out he had to share his. Jude threw Callie a surprise birthday party complete with Sophia, Robert, Rita, and everyone from Girls United. Wyatt showed up, freaked Mariana out, made Stef want to punch his face, and then yelled at Callie. Happy birthday! Your sister slept with your ex and now he’s yelling at you! Stef and Lena went to therapy but still Lena doesn’t think she needs to tell Stef about that kiss with Monte even though the secret is eating her alive. Seriously, in two weeks she’s going to start looking like Gollum. AJ gave Callie a drawing for her birthday and then kissed her because apparently there’s nothing more attractive to Callie than nightmare dressed like a foster brother (I actually like AJ so far but come on, Callie). Stef sees them kissing and reaches for her spritz bottle to blast them in the face with water.

AJ and Callie sitting on a bench talking about superheroes—are they gonna French? Ty interrupts their longing gazes and Callie skips off to meet up with Mariana. Once she’s gone, Ty asks AJ if Callie knows that they’re leaving (on a jet plane?).

Callie and Mariana hand a wad of cash to the guy selling the car. He looks sketchy as hell as he scurries off with their cash. Mariana wants to drive it home but Callie reminds her that they haven’t told their moms, they don’t have insurance, and really they should leave the car where it is lest they get into trouble.

When Callie gets home, she walks into a snake pit of moms. Stef saw Callie kiss AJ and they called Rita in for backup. They can’t risk anything affecting her adoption, so she and AJ can’t live together in the same house.

Fosters 3071You’ve been traded to Racine.

Brandon has talked his way back into Idyllwild because Jin, Tony’s pianist (hee hee), has agreed to deal with Diva Brandon. It’s so nice for Brandon to catch a break for once!

Mike and Stef are sitting on the front porch waiting for AJ to come home. Mike thinks it’s best if he talks to AJ alone since Stef is pretty good a popping off unnecessarily. When AJ bounces up the steps he’s a little surprised to see Mikey waiting for him. 

Mike and Rita stay for dinner which involves Rita asking Callie and AJ 20 questions before Stef and Lena tell everyone that AJ is going to be living with Rita. The moms feed the kids a lame lie about how they don’t want to take the classes to get recertified as foster parents but they sure are going to miss having AJ around. 

Fosters 3072“Xena” reboot? Really?

Mariana has some excellent news—she has been asked to be Isabella’s godmother! And it gets better: She is going to get baptized in the Catholic Church! Stef practically laughs in her face. Nope, Mariana, no baptism for you. Nopety, nope.