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“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (6.05): Requiem for a Senior Criminalist

Previously on Rizzoli & Isles: Jane raids Maura’s…fridge. Then they go on a romantic art museum date together. And we all start to ship Susie and Nina. Damn.

Look, I am a reasonable person. I understand that storytellers have the right to tell whatever stories they see fit. I understand the divide between fact and fiction, character and actor, cats and dogs. I’m not, for the most part, a ranting hothead. But the sudden and unexpected death of Senior Criminalist Susie Chang is making me feel like one.

If the very talented and likable actress who plays her, Tina Huang, decided to leave the show on her own it would be one thing. Maybe she has a sweet new gig lined up for her that will give her more richly deserved exposure. Maybe she wants to pursue other creative avenues. Maybe she was tired of wearing lab coats. I get it, and that’s her choice. But, if the decision to leave Rizzoli & Isles was not Tina’s choice then—woo doggie—do I have a big fat bone to pick with the show.

For one thing, I take issue with this choice on a storytelling level. This tale of greed and political corruption could have been told like six million other ways that did not have to result in the death of one Susie Chang. Maybe she gets knocked out and is in a coma. Maybe she is attacked and has amnesia. Maybe she is kidnapped and made to look like she ran away with a bunch of cash.

And if you had to write off her character, heck, maybe she doesn’t get attacked at all, but instead lands a great new promotion in another department and gets to leave the show with her head held high. Death is, not to be glib, terribly final. You can’t come back from dead unless the show decides to take a distinct left turn into the realm of supernatural. Who knows, maybe they will. Maybe its timeslot follow-up Proof is rubbing off. Are we to expect a bunch of the ghosts, zombies and vampires are committing crimes now? Hello, Rizzoli & Isles & The Walking Dead.

For another thing, regardless of the reasoning behind Susie’s exit, it dealt a significant blow to the show’s overall diversity. And, when I say significant, I mean this show just lost half of its people of color in one night. All we have left is Idara Victor as Nina Holiday. Someone get that girl a protective detail, STAT.

Plus, now the addition of Adam Sinclair as Dr. Kent Drake at the start of the season smacks of a replacement hire. So, in essence, the show has replaced a woman of color with a white male. Fantastic, like television doesn’t have enough of those already.

But, here is the real kicker: Loyal fans of Rizzoli & Isles come to this show because of the undeniable chemistry between the entire cast—including longtime supporting characters like Susie. This is a show we watch because of the interactions and the camaraderie, not necessarily, with all due respect to the writers, the crimes themselves.

And, as loyal fans, we’ve already suffered the very real and very painful loss of Det. Barry Frost. This is not the fault of the show, obviously. But Lee Thompson Young’s tragic suicide has cast an indelible specter over this show. So, again, I question why the series would return to this kind of story—albeit, thankfully, fictional this time—so soon afterward.

It all just makes me shake my head. I hope I’m wrong. I hope this was 100 percent Tina’s choice and, hell, maybe she even asked to be killed off in grand fashion. Alternately, maybe Kent will take off a mask Scooby-Doo villain-style and reveal himself to be Susie all along. That person in the body bag was a cyborg sent from the future to help Jane and Maura come out of the closet (in which case, way to fail your mission, robot). What? I’m dreaming, leave me alone.

So, yes, it’s true, writers can tell whatever stories they want. But we sure don’t have to like them.

With that said, I’ll hop off this soapbox and bring you back to our regularly scheduled recap.

We open in a dark alley. Hey, show, we get it—bad things are about to happen. Can we get villain twirling his mustache in the background as well, in case it wasn’t abundantly clear that Susie is in trouble? Sorry, I told you I was a little heated at the start.

She finishes up at a crime scene and packs up. Way to leave her all alone, officers. Don’t you watch scary movies? This never ends well. But I guess these dudes have never dropped a female friend off at her house and then promised to sit outside in the car and watch until she got safely inside and turned on the lights. Yes, all women.

Next, in a classic Rizzoli & Isles tonal shift style, Jane barges into Maura’s place complaining about the traffic. You know, you wouldn’t get stuck in traffic if you didn’t insist on keeping your own place. Just saying, Jane.

Maura offers her cranky girlfriend coffee and a smile to immediately diffuse the situation. Jane acquiesces, partly because she knows one more grumble about traffic between their places will instigate “The Talk” about moving in and going public. She notices the sites Maura is browsing and quickly starts to worry about something else instead.

Her girlfriend appears to be researching electro-shock torture, otherwise known as day spa treatments. Jane offers to save Maura a bunch of money by just using a battery and jumper cables on her instead. Hey, ladies, what you two do in the privacy of your bedroom is your business. No judgment.

Maura, being the World’s Best Girlfriend, is actually researching spa treatments for them both. We all know how much our ladies love a good day spa date. But Jane turns down the fish eggs bath because, come on, do I really need to make the lesbian fish joke here?

Instead they settle on a vino rejuvenation that comes complete with a bottle of wine—beforehand. Getting day drunk in a resort with your girlfriend? Yep, sign me up for that treatment any day. As Maura plans their next romantic date, they get their synchronized calls and give their synchronized greetings. So it’s off to another case. Just another normal, everyday case, right?

On the way to the scene Jane offers Maura a deal: She’ll go to the spa if Maura comes with her to a Patriots game. Aw, look at Jane, planning her own romantic dates for Maura. But the cute banter is abruptly ended when they encounter a grim-looking Korsak.

He pulls Jane aside and Maura notices something is wrong right away. Kent the Smuggy McSmuggerson assistant M.E. is there already and working. She comes up to Jane, who has, naturally, been tasked with breaking the bad news. It’s sweet how, in the face of such terrible news, the team knows Jane is the one who should tell Maura.

Maura insists she’s OK, but she’s not OK. No one is OK. This is not OK. NOT OK. Now would be a perfect time for a hug, ladies. Remember when you used to hug it out all the time? A death is the ideal moment for some Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching—in fact, it’s not even gratuitous then. But instead they just all shuffle inside Susie’s apartment and get super sad being among all her candid photos and other personal things. Side note: Damn, Susie has a nice place. It’s sort of unexpectedly sunny for a nudist/crime scene diorama maker.

Smug Kent starts rattling off the details of the crime. He calls Susie “the victim” and Jane immediately corrects him. Susie—her name was Susie. I sure as hell hope she didn’t get killed off to make you a regular, dude.

To make matters worse, it looks like Susie has been doing some shady stuff. The detectives find evidence bags and a wad of money hidden in the wall. Frankie sees it and says there’s no way Susie cold be dirty. Yes, that’s right. And everyone should have her back like they had your back when people thought you were a killer cop.

Maura certainly does. She calls the suggestion Susie was corrupt “ridiculous” and a “waste of time.” But then she agrees to look at the “evidence.” But because Maura is as by-the-book as Susie was, she first makes a call to the governor to warn him about the potential breach and scandal. Principles can be such a pain in the ass sometimes.

Jane agrees and takes it out on a locker. Maura tasks Smug Kent with finding the truth. So Jane and Maura decide to bury their sorrow in some red wine. Yes, even Jane. But this is nothing like a spa day. Mama Rizzoli commiserates and reassures everyone that Susie didn’t do those things. She tells Jane to hurry up and clear her so we can get to the Big, Sad Gayzzoli Ending.

Mama R says they would have known if Susie was bad because she was their friend. Jane counters that there is lots of stuff we don’t know about our friends. Maura counters back, “Even you?” And Jane replies, “There’s a couple things you don’t know about me.” And they all laugh and laugh and laugh. Please, Jane, we all know that secret. But thanks, Jane, we really needed that to lift everyone’s spirits.

In between bouts of doubt about Susie’s character they all reminisce about her quirks. How she used to keep mint chocolate chip (the queen of all ice creams, thank you very much) in the Dead Fridge. How she had a dearly deceased pet lizard Fluffy. How she was the biggest Captain Crotchblock in the building but still clearly was a faithful crewmember of the S.S. Rizzles.

Maura gets a call from the governor and steps away. Mama R uses it as an opportunity to rib Jane about her disastrous junior prom with one Benji Schwartz. She even threatens to tell Maura. Do it, Mama R. Nothing is more fun/hilarious/embarrassing for lesbians than to talk about their bad early dating experiences with dudes.

Maura returns from her call. The governor has suspended her until the possible corruption situation is resolved. I don’t see how that makes anything better, but OK. Jane’s face looks like she wants to go all She Hulk on the governor, which I totally understand. But, that would probably be bad for her career.

So instead she goes Hulk Lite on Smug Kent. She goes after him for giving a full report to the governor’s office. She accuses him of being out to get Maura’s job. I’m going to start calling them the Totally Not Cute Bickersons. I know his character clashes on purpose with, well, pretty much everyone else. But, for the love of good television, why?

Smug Kent did at least uncover some useful information. It looks like Susie’s body was wrapped in something and possibly moved after death. So, it follows, the whole crime scene in her apartment could be a set up. Jane apologizes for saying he was after Maura’s job, but Smug Kent ruins it by being Smug Kent.

The team goes back to Susie’s apartment. They realize someone else could have driven her car there. And they search the surrounding dumpsters for discarded evidence. Jane calls Maura, who is pacing around her house, with an update. We’re gonna stop for a minute and admire Maura’s caller ID photo of her Jane. Now, how she got Jane to pose for that is another matter all together.

Speaking of posing questions (no, not that question. Focus, people—we need justice for Susie), Jane starts to ask Maura some but gets stopped. Maura needs the medical examiner’s office to stay above reproach. Jane knows this means Maura is just sitting around the house doing nothing but fretting. Maura weakly tries to say she isn’t. Please, girlfriends know.

So Jane tells her to find something to busy herself with because neither one of them are good at doing nothing. Too bad Jane is working this case, because I know what could sure take both their minds off things for a bit. What? Too soon? Life goes on and we have to take our happiness where we can.

In lieu of some afternoon delight, Jane goes back over the case files. Smug Kent has found some new evidence. Jane tries to hang onto the folder, so Korsak scolds her. Yep, everyone knows what Jane knows Maura knows. But Jane promises not to give the file to Maura. See, now, wording is everything.

Maura, meanwhile, is going to town on her carpet. Not like that, you pervs, that is too soon. She is giving her Dyson a workout when Mama R comes in. Hey, what are those papers in her hand? Mama R casually asks Maura about some complicated, 10-cent words. Propionjekylandhyde. Methelanthraxgethecipro. That’s what I heard, OK. Maura knows what’s happening immediately because she knows everything about Jane, no matter what secrets Jane pretends to have. So Mama R “accidentally” drops the papers and, after a few hesitant seconds, Maura “cleans them up.”

Maura happens to “glance” at the files and immediately notices something. She tells Mama R to have the lab test for some 20-cent words I won’t even take a crack at. Mama R doesn’t either, instead she glazes over a little and asks Maura to maybe write it down. I snort laughed at that a little, I’ll admit it.

Jane, who technically kept her promise about not giving the file directly to Maura, goes back to see Smug Kent. She comes with a peace offering — his favorite drink, a half-caff, caramel macchiato. He ungratefully asks if she spit in it. Please, Det. Jane Rizzoli would never harm an innocent cup of coffee. So Jane gets right to what she wants. She asks Smug Kent to test for Maura’s 20-cent words, which she has handily written on her hand.

Turns out the 10- and 20-cent words all have to do with paint and paint thinners, particularly blue paint. Ha! I knew it! I KNEW IT! That last case with the forgery and painting theft was solved way, way too easily. Jane runs down and does the police equivalent of a “stop the presses” to the team as they’re digging into Susie’s other old cases.

She has them pull up the forger case which, wouldn’t you know, Susie hadn’t officially closed yet because she was making a few phone calls. I know it’s not nice to speak ill of the dead, but, Susie, girl: if you thought the real killer might still be out there, you should have told Maura and the people with guns right away.

As they’re digging into the forger case, Maura arrives at the office with “dinner” like they “planned.” I’ve never used so many air quotes in a recap before. I like how no one bats an eye at Maura arriving to whisk Jane off to a romantic picnic. Well, no one except oblivious Frankie who doesn’t seem to realize that a) Jane and Maura are clearly on a dinner date, and b) Maura’s dinner is probably fake. Instead he runs, up and asks if there’s any extra because he is starving.

I’d buy that boy a clue, but you know he’d just lose it anyway. But Korsak knows what’s up and gives little Rizzoli a look like, “Son, it’s called gay. Ask Justice Kennedy to explain it to you.”

Maura’s picnic basket is filled with files, which aren’t filling but are satisfying. She has uncovered what Susie was investigating. The burned painting in the fireplace wasn’t the original but another forgery. So the whole thing was a set up. With this new information Jane runs off, but not before some quickie appreciative eye sex with Maura. We make time for romance when we can, people.

Jane and Korsak go back to the painting owner’s estate. Like, it legit says “Estate” on the gate. Susie had called their house with a follow-up. They re-interview the painting owner and her husband. Right away we don’t like him. He is standing too straight. He is acting too entitled. He is slamming the Boston PD too hard. And he is being too much of a politician—oh, I probably should have just started and ended with that one.

Before Jane can pull the stick out of his you-know-where and beat him over the you-know-what with it, Frankie calls with more information. The art buyer had been contacted about the painting. His contact was a burner phone, so Jane has Frankie call it. Proving once again that most criminals are incredible morons, the phone rings in one of the staff’s pocket. He runs. Jane runs after him. He climbs a fence. Jane rips him off of it. I’d like her to rip something else off of him, but that would probably not be proper police protocol.

The perp lawyers up and isn’t talking. But never underestimate Jane’s ability to get her man. I know, the irony. Nina has linked the perp to the snooty politician, as they served together in the Army. Long story somewhat shorter, this was all a ploy to sell the painting for $20 million so he could use it to run for governor.

And as luck would have it, pompous wannabe governor guy is already at the station and now filled with fake apologies for being a dick. And, in more dickish behavior, he is happily throwing his former Army buddy under the bus now saying he had “mental health” problems. So Jane walks the patsy past him while he is telling his tall tales and it’s all over but the indictment, trial, conviction and sentencing.

So now Susie is cleared, Maura is back on the job and the pompous politician is in handcuffs. All is almost right with the world, almost. As Maura is settling back into her office Smug Kent drops by. Maura thanks him for his good work on the case and extends a further olive branch by inviting him to the Dirty Robber for a celebration of Susie.

He accepts, but as he leaves Maura finds his phone on her desk. She clicks it open and the lockscreen is, well, interesting. At first, I thought it was a picture of another man. So then I thought Smug Kent might be gay. And then I instantly liked him more. Hey, we’re all family, right? But then I looked at it more closely and I think it’s actually a picture of him without the beard. And that made me instantly like him a little less. I mean, seriously, who has a selfie as their wallpaper? Or we could split the difference and say it’s his Grindr profile picture.

Maura notices it, too. But from the look on her face I can’t tell if she’s thinking, “Oh, wow, a fellow Friend of Dorothy,” or “Oh, wow, a total self-absorbed weirdo.” The only other option could be it actually is Smug Kent’s boyfriend, but they clearly suffer from an advanced case of Lesbian Twin Syndrome. I actually hope it’s that, because this show desperately needs some out and proud role models for Jane and Maura. I can see the awkward double dates now.

At the Dirty Robber, the gang has assembled to honor Susie. Maura gets up and tells a story about how she knew they were kindred spirits. It involved Susie wearing a full beekeepers suit to test some hives. Guess she was just a bee charmer after all.

Smug, Possibly Gay Kent almost ruins it by talking about the rules and regulations but the Rizzoli women tell him to shut it and have a drink. Nina has found Susie’s work iPod and they play the song she listened to the most on its playlist as a tribute. Naturally, it’s heavy metal.

Everyone’s a tad perplexed, except for Smug, Possibly Gay Kent who lights up and starts sing-screaming the lyrics (to “Shine On” by Soil, for all those who don’t regularly head bang). He also plays some pretty terrible dancing and air guitar. Yeah, I might have to double check his gay card; I’m starting to have my doubts.

Everyone gets up and starts to jump around in a joyous impromptu mosh pit. If Jane and Maura start slam dancing do I have to rename it a Big Slamzzoli Ending? Well, as far as wakes go, I will say at least this one isn’t boring. Oh, Senior Criminalist Susie Chang, we barely knew you but we’ll miss you forever. Hell, we’ll even miss your crotchclocking the Gayzzoli.

So, speaking of #Gayzzoli, it was filled with #RIPSusie this episode. Your sorrow (and some other emotions) came through loud and clear in this week’s tweets.

Find more from Dorothy Snarker visit dorothysurrenders.com or @dorothysnarker.

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