“Orange is the New Black” recap (3.13): Trust No Bitch

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The Normans have returned full force and are now paying homage to Norma’s toast shrine. Poussey has had just about enough of this nonsense, and calls Norma out for letting Leanne turn her into a cult. She also blames Soso’s suicide attempt on her, and says that miracles aren’t real and neither is her power.

Donuts and Tucky are driving in the van, where Donuts is still wondering why he passed out pantless in the laundry room. When he tries to touch Tucky, she pretends to have a seizure and crashes the van.

Speaking of gross things, Caputo and Fig continue their loud fucking. Caputo is wrapped in frustration and self-loathing, and feels ready to quit his job. Fig tells him to put himself first for once, and seize the opportunity for a promotion. She tells him to quit martyring himself and join the dark side.

or15Whelp, thanks for another disappointing Tuesday night

Gloria sees Flaca in the chapel, where she is praying for her sick mother. Piper storms in yelling at Flaca, and despite their previous differences, Gloria leaps to her prison daughter’s defense. Piper realizes that Flaca didn’t steal the money, and awkwardly apologizes and hopes her mother gets well.

or16Make sure you tell everyone that Wu-Tang Pipes ain’t nothing to fuck with

or17NOPE NOPE NOPE

Leanne tells Norma that Angie ate the toast shrine in an effort to absorb her powers (much like the chicken), but Norma is done with Leanne’s bullshit and cuts her off. Leanne is once again shunned by her religion, and bursts into tears.

Tucky and Big Boo celebrate Tucky’s fake seizure and her removal from van duty. Their happiness is short-lived however, when they see that Maritza is going to be the new van driver. Flashback! Baby Big Boo electrocutes herself while microwaving a Hot Pocket. When she is defibrillated back to life, she says that there is no God, but smiles as she realizes that she is in charge of her own fate.

or18I saw the face of God…and it was Megan Rapinoe!

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