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“Pretty Little Liars” recap (6.6): Hanna vs the Raccoon

It’s been two weeks, and we’re back in Bonkers town AKA Rosewood. Thank goodness! Pretty Little Liars is such a goddamn delight, I genuinely miss it when it’s off the air. We pick up right where we left off, with the Liars all in a tizzy ready to hunt Leslie Stone down and burn her at the stake like she’s Myrtle Snow. Emily doesn’t think that Leslie would be able leap tall buildings in a single bound or build a life-size dollhouse, but Spencer reminds her that Mona was able to keep a 4.0 AND perfect hair AND sing like an angel and still stalk the shit out of them.

Hanna shows up, having tried and failed to shimmy up Mona’s drainpipe like a lesbian version of Romeo & Juliet. Apparently Mona’s mom has grounded her and cut her off from the outside world, which is nonsense because an army of parents couldn’t keep Mona locked up. Coach Taylor couldn’t control Mona. Keith Mars couldn’t control Mona. Zeus, father of Olympus, couldn’t control Mona.

Spencer and Hanna plan a trip to Philly to stalk Leslie, but Emily has mother-daughter therapy with Dr. Sullivan. Hopefully they’ll discuss those leather overall shorts she’s wearing. Hell, I’ll probably discuss them with my own therapist next week. Emily bikes home and comes across a furious Kenny DiLaurentis who demands to know if Emily saw someone put a card on his windshield. Obvs not, bro, since she just biked in from the opposite direction.

Meanwhile, Aria is sneaking the negatives back in Clark’s cubby hole, and is fucking that up royally. ARIA, YOU HAD ONE JOB! Clark assumes she wanted the picture of herself, and asks her out for a breakfast date. She declines.

Hanna is studying up on Leslie, and we find out that she’s a TA at Harwich University, which is the Harvard of making sandwiches, I suppose. Ashley and Caleb want to have breakfast with her, but she brushes them off and runs out the door. She also tells Ashley she’s using the buddy system with Spencer, which is insane because these girls were rolling four deep the last time they got abducted. Like A is really gonna have trouble capturing two of these knuckleheads.

Over at the Fields residence, Sara is picking out shirts for her first day at Hobo Enterprises. She whips off her shirt and asks Emily to rub some lotion on her tattoo. Emily pops a huge lady boner and scurries off to deal with her big gay feelings, but not before recommending the flannel option. Classic.

Sober Buddy Dean is back, bringing books and brownies for Spencer. Spencer’s family wants her to give a big courageous valedictorian speech at graduation, but Spencer would rather crawl into a bag of pot cookies than deal with it. Dean encourages her to just say no, and promises to see her at the NA meeting later.

Hanna calls Spencer from Philly, where she is staking out Leslie in a sushi restaurant. She questions why Dean is rolling up on Spencer with (weedless) brownies and says that Toby better get back from OOT quick before he loses Spence to another bland white guy.

Caleb is training Sara on the job and he makes a Kimye joke, but Sara doesn’t get it because she was in the dollhouse and apparently Charles didn’t spring for the E! channel. She tells Caleb that she feels like she’s on the outside looking in, and asks him about Ali. He doesn’t answer her questions, but he does try to equate her two year imprisonment with Hanna giving him the cold shoulder. Nice try, buddy.

Hanna skulks around the valet stand, where she convinces the valet to retrieve Leslie’s car and drives off in it. Remember when Hanna was just stealing sunglasses at Saks? Now she is straight up robbing valet stands. Spencer questions Hanna’s car thievery, but Hanna is in no mood for judgment from Smokey McBongBongs.

Over at the Brew 2.0, a beautiful Australian woman comes in looking for Emily, because of course. This is Nicole, who worked with Emily when she went to Haiti and finger-banged Rumer Willis. Nicole has been out of the country for almost a year, so Ezra fills her in on the whole Dollhouse kidnapping scenario.

Aria and Emily search for clues in the junk yard, but Emily is too busy texting with Sara. Clark is there taking pictures, and offers to give Aria a ride home when Emily bails to see Nicole. Clark and Aria talk about her life post-Dollhouse, and Aria finds the creepy doll she photographed. She flips the doll over to see that the other side is an Aria doll complete with pink streaks.

Spencer and Hanna search Leslie’s SUV, where they find a box of nerd glasses with clear lenses (which Hanna actually thought helped her see better) and four large Liar-sized animal cages. Spencer wants to know why Hanna is all squirrely around Caleb, but Hanna doesn’t want to talk about it.

Emily meets up with Nicole and they hug. Nicole tells her that she wants to reunite the Haiti crew for a summer project in Thailand, and wants to know if Emily is on board. Emily is hesitant at first, but after remembering how Haiti helped her deal with Maya, she decides to go. She asks Nicole if she can bring Sara along with her. Maybe ask Sara first, Em.

Speaking of, Sara and Spencer are in Caleb’s office, and it’s awkward. Spencer complains about the valedictorian speech again, and laments all the time she wasted on grades and tests. Sara says she wished she paid more attention in school so she could articulate what the dollhouse experience was like. If she could explain it, she’d want to tell the world.

Caleb is at the Brew flipping through “Men are from Mars, Women are Terrorized and Put in Dollhouses,” when Ashley runs into him. She tells him that Hanna is a confusing tornado of a girl, and that what she craves most is a return to normalcy.

Aria is on the phone with Emily telling her about the doll and wondering how A always knows where they are gonna be at all times. Emily is like, “Where the fuck have you been the past 6 seasons? A’s always done this shit!” but Aria was too busy eating cake and kissing Ezra to be on the show until now. Speaking of Ezra shows up with Aria’s photo competition application, along with a letter of recommendation. He sees the creepy Aria doll, but Aria brushes it off as a photography subject.

Spencer comes home to find Dean all butthurt because she missed the NA meeting. He was worried she was in a ditch somewhere (fair assumption) but what he’s really pissed about are his big dumb man feelings for Spencer. He tells her wants to kiss her and doesn’t give a crap about old Officer ButtChin, then drives off before she can respond.

Caleb grabs Hanna, who isn’t in the mood to see him until he puts his mouth on her mouth and they start banging. At least, that’s always my assumption when the camera cuts away from two people kissing on a bed. Is that just me? Am I a perv? Feel free to answer in the comments section!

Emily comes home to find Sara furiously scrubbing blood out of the carpet. She was on Emily’s bike when a car followed her and clipped her with its side mirror, and now she’s having a full-blown panic attack. Emily promises to keep her safe—just three more weeks and they can run off to Thailand. Sara’s face is like, “Huh?” and besides, her mom won’t let her leave the country. Won’t she be 18 in two minutes? Isn’t she emancipated? I’m so confused.

While Emily deals with Sara, the rest of the Liars break into the science lab where Leslie works. They find caged animals for experimentation, and go hunting for clues. Aria complains about lying to Ezra, and Spencer says she’s leading him on. Yeah, Aria’s the one at fault in that relationship, Spence. Hanna hears a high-pitched noise, and Spencer starts moving her head in front of some scanning machines and realizes that they’ve all been chipped like test animals. Aria is like, “Bitch chipped us!” which is the new “Bitch can see!” God, I would love it if some editing whiz out there did a supercut of all the times the Liars say the word “bitch.”

Hanna isn’t surprised that they’ve been chipped, and assumes that Leslie now has dominion over all animals through a mind control chip and has been sending Tippis and Pepes and horses and snakes after the Liars for years now.

Emily meets up with Nicole and tells her she can’t go to Thailand because she has to take care of Sara. Nicole rightly notices that Emily has fallen head over tits for the girl, and asks if Sara is playing for her team. Emily tries to deny her feelings, but realizes that she is in fact crushing on Sara big time.

Back at the lab, Hanna has had enough of cages and microchips and decides to liberate the animals. She releases a raccoon and some rats before realizing that this might not have been her best idea. Spencer and Hanna get cornered by an angry raccoon, and Spencer tries to distract it with Hanna’s Cheetos (which were apparently her dinner? Girl, that’s sad).

A rat jumps on Aria’s shoulder and she freaks out. The lights turn off, and when they turn back on Mona is staring at them like, “I can’t leave you dum-dums alone for a second, can I?”

The Liars angrily accuse Mona of working with A/Leslie to bring them down, and Mona schools them in the truth. Leslie hated Bethany and has nothing to do with the A game. Charles escaped Radley the same night as Bethany did, the very night that Ali went missing. Spencer shows Mona the organ donor file, and Mona immediately realizes it’s a fake because she’s a genius. Charles faked his death and is alive and coming for them. As always, the Liars know nothing and Mona knows everything.

Spencer goes to an NA meeting, but Dean isn’t there. Aria goes to Ezra for comfort, but spies him flirting with Nicole and walks away. Emily sees Sara sleeping in her bed and goes to check her for a chip, but Sara rolls over and kisses her. They start making out. Mr. DiLaurentis is digging up Charles’s grave, and on the ground we see a note from Charles announcing his homecoming.

What did you think of last night’s episode? Are you on board with Sara and Emily? Tweet me @ChelseaProcrast with all your feels

Big thanks as always to Nicole AKA @PLLBigA for the screencaps. I’d fight raccoons for you any day, girl!

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