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“The Rich Man’s Daughter” recap (1.24-1.31): How Not To Turn a Woman Straight

WOW. This week is a very rape-heavy recap. I don’t know what happened, but I think one of the writers at The Rich Man’s Daughter just woke up and was like, “We need more rape!” because it is suddenly everywhere. There are three separate scenes in which men try to rape lesbians in parking garages or near/inside of cars. Conclusion: parking lots/cars of any kind are not safe for lesbians! I’m serious.

We left off with Althea rescuing Jade from being sent away to China at the airport. They take one second to be happy about their good luck.

Okay, the moment is over. Now we are back to problem-city. Batchi’s daughter is being teased at school for having two mommies. Batchi tries to explain that there’s nothing wrong with being gay.

Simultaneously, Amanda, Jade’s mom, expresses her concerns that Jade will be mocked for being a lesbian (as if she is suddenly pretending this is the only reason she disapproves).

Meanwhile, Jade’s brother, Gabriel, has enough of his blah wife, Pearl, and tells her he wants to annul the marriage.

Pearl is shocked, and slaps him very lightly.

Oscar, Jade’s dad, is demoted from CEO because the whole town is gossiping about his lesbian daughter. Instead, his brother takes over.

Oscar decides to pull out all the stops and make an announcement: He will give 100 million pesos to the man who can turn his daughter straight. Everyone tapes it on their iPhones and it goes viral on the internet (because they are a famous family that owns a department store, obviously).

When Jade sees the video with her father’s announcement, she makes the scariest face she has made all season.

Althea cheers her up by setting up a romantic candlelit dinner in a parking lot.

Unfortunately, there are two guys lurking nearby. When they realize the girls are lesbians, they get all rowdy and start to almost rape them.

But they give up and Althea is left with a bunch of bruises. Meanwhle, Althea and Jade have moved in with Batchi and Wila because Althea got kicked out of her apartment. Tommy, Althea’s abusive ex-husband is lurking around and starts trying to torment her. He says he will make her pay for becoming a lesbian. He assaults her-also by a car.

The news about Jade and Althea is everywhere and they even have paparazzi following them, as well as Oscar’s hit men. Being gay often leads to immediately becoming famous.

Jade’s mom, Amanda, is not doing so well, and faints after Jade announces on the news (broadcast at the big business convention for Oscar’s company) that she is gay and will not be swayed by a man or money. Amanda is rushed to the hospital. From her hospital bed, she begs Jade to be straight.

Tommy bumps into Jade and pretends he doesn’t know who she is (even though he is Althea’s ex-husband and saw the 100M pesos reward on the news). He pretends to be a single dad with a terminal illness who wants to provide for his son (who is also Althea’s son). Jade remembers her dad’s offer and she feels so bad for this random man who is sick that she realizes what she needs to do-she needs to marry him.

Remember all of her convictions that she just announced on the news? Well, she forgot about them. She wants to please her family, save her mom’s heart attack, and help this stranger guy. The marriage will just be for appearances, and she can still be with Althea. When Althea finds out the plan, she is weirdly calm. After “meeting” Tommy, Althea goes along with it everything even though he is a liar and her abusive ex, because Tommy threatens to take Althea’s son away from her for good if she doesn’t play along. It makes a lot of sense!

Jade introduces Tommy to her family as her boyfriend and her mom totally buys it. Really? She says. She is so happy! She doesn’t ask any questions! She isn’t even confused. Oscar is more skeptical. He has his hit men check out Tommy and finds out it’s all a scam and he just wants money. Oscar reveals everything in front of Althea and Jade, and Jade is shocked that Althea didn’t tell her that she had an ex-husband or a son. Jade says, “You made me look like an idiot!” cause she looked really smart up until now and breaks up with Althea. Tommy is happy! He threatens Althea again in a parking garage.

In the meantime, Batchi and Wila are starting to look like they are in a couple. I don’t know if it’s the outfits or the dog or their mutual desperation because Batchi is in a long distance relationship and Wila is hung up on Althea, but I’m starting to think they are gonna end up together.

I have to say my fav thing this week was Wila’s killer new haircut and her very sassy eye-rolls. Also, I loved the moment when Batchi says, “Hashtag awkward” because Jade and Althea are moving in with them.

Sadly, this week ends with Wila at the bar alone, drinking. She tells a guy that she is bisexual and he immediately gets her drunk, puts her in his car and tries to rape her.

Until next time….take the bus or train! Cars are unsafe, y’all.

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