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“Rookie Blue” recap (6.03): Pinch Me

Previously on Rookie Blue, Andy found out that Marlo is pregnant with Marlo’s baby, newbie Juliet Ward joined 15 Division but her motives are unclear, and Gail was single and still childless but sassy as ever.

Swarek spends this entire episode at the doctor with Marlo, where they find out that the baby might have some medical issues, but might just be small for her age. Oh, and also it’s a girl. Marlo is great and all, but I was willing to sacrifice her to keep Swarek out of our hair for the day.

Another thing that happens throughout the episode that I’m not going to weave into the recap chronologically because it was weird and kind of annoying is that Duncan “Gerald” Selfie the Worst mistakes Chloe’s sunny personality with flirting and asks her out for drinks, leaving Dov feeling a bit conflicted about the whole thing. One funny thing that did happen in that storyline though was when Duncan is asking Dov random questions about his fellow cops to lead up to asking about Chloe, and one of the questions he asks is, “Is it true Peck has retractable fangs?” and Dov’s answer is a resounding, “Yes.”

Now for the good stuff. Today is prisoner transfer day, and Oliver is sending our four favorite officers (Traci is a detective, she’s in her own realm) to the women’s prison to get them. Andy and Juliet will be taking one, Gail and Nick will be taking the other.

On the way to the prison, Juliet admits to liking Nick and asks Andy for some dirt on him to help her get over her crush. Which is shady, but sweet, trusting Andy has no reason to question the new girl, so she just says that Nick is actually really great. Juliet says oh well, she can’t date cops anyway and Andy says she used to say the same thing.

And now it’s more like “gotta catch em all.”

When they get to the prison, Andy, Juliet, Nick and Gail give up their weapons and their phones before going into the cell block. Andy notices Juliet has two phones, but decides now is not the time to ask her about that. The Warden gives the officers the low down: The women aren’t getting outside as often as they should, so they’re a little on edge at the moment. As for the prisoners, the one Andy and Juliet are taking is named Kenzie and she is described as feral. She’s impulsive and a troublemaker-in fact, she stabbed a girl in the showers, which is why she’s being transferred. She’s off to max.

The other prisoner, Rochelle, is the opposite. Sweet, quiet. Being transferred for other reasons entirely.

When they walk in, the women start whistling, which causes Nick to puff out like a peacock, but Gail rolls her eyes and says they’re definitely whistling at her, a point that, rightfully, no one argues.

(I do still miss her long hair sometimes. Shh.)

When they find their assigned prisoners, Gail and Nick’s girl looks doe-eyed and angelic, and Andy and Juliet’s girl starts a riot on the way out. Before they can do much of anything, Andy and Juliet realize that Kenzie has been stabbed, so they drag her out of the room and lock themselves into an empty part of the prison.

Nick and Gail hear the ruckus, and Nick is about to go back to check on everyone, but Rochelle requests that Nick not leave her. Nick’s peacock feathers puff out again, and Gail heads back into the bowels of the prison.

The warden calls a lockdown, and says that the girls will settle down in time, they just have to wait. Going in to stop it would make it worse.

Kenzie is bleeding pretty badly, but remembers where she knows Juliet. She used to date a dealer she knew when she was out. But Juliet insists she’s mistaking her for someone else. Kenzie suggests taking her down to the infirmary, because there’s a nurse there, and it’s a better idea than anyone else has, so off they go.

Meanwhile, Rochelle leads Nick down to the basement, and he happily follows, because he is seeing her as Girl Who Complimented Him By Requesting His Manly Protection, instead of prisoner who is definitely in prison and a prisoner.

#trustnobitch

Gail goes back to where the fuss all started to find it empty of anything but a big old mess, but ends up finding herself trapped in the cell block thanks to the lockdown. Since she’s not in any danger, she’s told to stay put, but it turns out she’s not alone. If Jax from Wentworth and Red from Orange is the New Black had an American baby who tried (and failed) to be flirty like Franky Doyle, it would be this woman. She lays it on thick for Gail, who is not happy to have company during the lockdown.

“Come in. I can’t find Alex Vause anywhere. Send help.”

Andy and Juliet’s trek to the infirmary is halted when Oliver tells them to go outside instead to wait for an ambulance, Kenzie freaks and pulls out her knife and says it’s infirmary or bust. And by bust she means bust-Juliet’s-artery-open.

Andy realizes Kenzie stabbed herself and asks why she needs to get to the infirmary so bad. Kenzie says an inmate named J.Bird is there, and is the one accusing her of stabbing her, which is why Kenzie is going to max. But J.Bird and Kenzie are best friends, so Kenzie would never stab her, and she can’t figure out why J.Bird would lie like this.

Meanwhile, despite ending up in a dead end and getting locked in, Nick is still trusting Rochelle, and letting her listen in on everything anyone tells him on his radio.

In the cell block, Gail is sitting with the prisoner, whose name is Odelle. Odelle tries to make small talk, and Gail admits she’s trying to adopt a child. Odelle warns her not to; she wishes she had made a pre-kid bucket list, because there are so many things she never did that she just couldn’t after she became a mother. Including but not limited to pinching someone on the but just because.

“Pinching, you say?”

On the way to the infirmary, in an effort to calm Kenzie down, Juliet admits that she remembers Kenzie, that there was that one bar they used to go to, that they probably even drank together. Kenzie says that actually Juliet was kind of a bitch to her, and Juliet blames her dealer boyfriend for that; she then tries to use that dealer boyfriend as a threat, but Kenzie has a one track mind right now, and that track is heading to the infirmary and the infirmary only.

Back at home base, Traci finds out that Rochelle has a history of weaseling her way out of trouble, and also she recently had an inappropriate relationship with a guard. And that little weasel is employing her skill set right now, rambling to Nick about auras long enough to distract him while she uses her key to unlock the door and slip away, locking Nick in behind her.

That’s an Alison DiLaurentis face if I’ve ever seen one.

Finally at the infirmary, Kenzie asks J.Bird who really stabbed her, but J.Bird looks nervously at the two cops behind her friend and insists that it was definitely Kenzie. She looks her best friend square in the eye and says, “It was you,” without real accusation or blame, just with sadness. Kenzie, in her desperation, starts shaking J.Bird to try to get her to tell her the truth, but that makes J.Bird flatline. In her panic, Kenzie puts the knife back on Juliet, saying if J.Bird dies, so does the redhead, but Andy convinces her to let Juliet go so they can try to save J.Bird together.

At 15 Division, the guard accused of having an appropriate relationship with Rochelle comes in and gives his opinion on things. He’s got a Pornstache attitude with a Bennett face, and says he “likes to think” that J.Bird and Kenzie had a more-than-friends thing for each other, and that Kenzie got jealous when J.Bird did a sexual favor for the guard. What’s nice about this is, for once, a guy looking excited about the idea of two women together is portrayed as a creep, instead of a “guys will be guys” normal attitude. Everything about this guy is slimy, and everyone within earshot of his excitement over J.Bird and Kenzie together is grossed out by him.

You’re watching “OITNB” for the wrong reasons.

Dov and Traci try to turn things around by saying Rochelle implied the guard stabbed J.Bird, so the guard confesses that actually Rochelle stabbed her, and then threatened to kill Kenzie dead if J.Bird didn’t tell everyone it was Kenzie who stabbed her.

Turns out the doe-eyed girl is a bit of a sociopath, and didn’t pick Nick because he looked bigger and stronger than Gail, but because she knew he’d be far easier to manipulate.

Rochelle comes into the infirmary and causes all kinds of chaos, which comes to a head when the other prisoners try to break down the door. Rochelle ultimately opens the door to let them in, hoping J.Bird and Kenzie will both die in the riot, but a swat team comes in soon after.

Not exactly a superhero three-point stance, McNally.

Gail is still hanging out with Odelle, much to her chagrin, but is finally given the go-ahead to get out of there. Before she leaves, she asks Odelle why she’s in jail anyway. Odelle says she’s in for second degree murder because she killed her husband. He fell asleep while he was smoking while she was out at work and the house caught on fire, killing all of her children. When she found out the cause of the fire, she killed him. She then tells Gail the real reason she’s advising the young cop to not have kids; not because of the pre-kid bucket list, but because you can’t protect them forever. Kids become your whole world, and when they’re gone, it feels like you have nothing left.

Gail looks at her sadly and says she’ll see her around and, gosh darnit, I believe she’ll be back.

Not as cold as she’d have you believe, this one.

On the ride back to the precinct, Andy tells Juliet she thought of a reason she shouldn’t date Nick: She’s a liar, liar, hair on fire. Juliet tries to say it was BEFORE that she was lying, to Kenzie, but Andy doesn’t buy it. Then Juliet says she went undercover and fell in love with a dealer, but she walked away and is out of it now. She says it’s a dark time in her life and wants Andy to keep it to herself, and Andy looks like maybe she might. I’m starting to wonder if this is somehow connected to that time Andy and Nick went undercover together?

At the precinct, Gail sees the social worker she met with last season about her adoption. They chat for a bit, and the girl is all smiles, and suddenly I find myself wanting to know her name.

Hiiiiiii, who are you? Are you our new plus one?

They’re comfortable and familiar with each other, and the girl asks about Gail’s parenting classes, and they say they’ll see each other tomorrow. But as the girl leaves, Gail pinches her right on the bum, just because she wants to. When the girl turns around, Gail looks more embarrassed than we’ve ever seen her, and apologizes immediately and profusely. The girl doesn’t look like she hated it, though, and Gail is a little proud of herself.

Stepping up her game.

Juliet gets in the car with her secret man and he asks her how things are going. Juliet says it got close but she thinks she has it under control now. She tells him she doesn’t like lying to 15 Division, because they’re good people, but the dude tells her that’s just too bad.

What did you think of “Uprising”?

I decided that, since Rookie Blue is on a different day now in Canada and the US, I’m going to be brave and risk seeing spoilers and dig out tweets for the recap. So if you live in Canada, follow me (@PunkyStarshine) and I’ll let you know on Thursdays which episode is airing, and you can tweet your thoughts while we watch for the first time. Here are some of our favorite #GailPlusOne tweets from this week:

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

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