“Carmilla” recap (2.9 & 2.10): Twisted Sister

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Greetings from sunny Canada…err, I mean Styria! I’m on vacation in Toronto so what could be more fitting than recapping Carmilla?

After nearly rupturing everyone’s eardrums last week with her ferocious scream, Mattie lays down the cold, hard facts. This is not a democracy, it’s a vampocracy. Silas is broke and she will sell and cancel whatever she damn well pleases to pay for the expenses. End of discussion. Then she’s all, “Toodles, sis!” and takes off.

Screen Shot 2015-07-02 at 9.43.12 AMFives need to listen when a ten is screeching

Laura and the others try to get it together whilst bleeding from the ears. Laura asks Carmilla if she can do the T-Rex screaming thing, but Carm tells her that Mattie is older and being a member of the board has its supernatural privileges. Let this be a lesson, kids: When researching colleges, choose one without a board that can literally make your head explode. Laura still thinks this all links back to the newspaper investigation, but everyone is fresh out of good ideas on how to handle it. Danny is firmly on Team Stake, while Carmilla will cut a bitch if they try to kill her sister.

Screen Shot 2015-07-02 at 9.23.38 AMRemember a simpler time: You, me, cookies, and kisses.

Laura brings us a new segment called “Moment of Cute,” which involves Kirsch offering to help the Summer Society throw a secret Adonis Hunt because he thinks that will make Danny happy.

Screen Shot 2015-07-02 at 9.29.49 AMNow can you help me get one of those Tegan and Sara haircuts she talks so much about?

Laura’s warm fuzzy moment doesn’t last long because LaFontaine and Perry rush in because J.P. is in serious trouble. His signal is nearly fried from losing the connection to the library and is slipping away more and more. He’s not even really making sense anymore, talking about death and cake and saints. It’s actually really sad. No one knows how to save J.P. without Mattie’s help.

Screen Shot 2015-07-02 at 9.36.41 AMThe cake is a lie.

Perry pulls out some of the files the newspaper staff was researching about Mattie and the board trying to sell off parts of Silas…including the one that houses the anglerfish god. Laura is convinced that Mattie and the board have something to do with the newspaper murders, because there’s no way Mattie could have recognized Perry otherwise. Hmm, I’m not so sure about that. I think Perry has a special role to play in all of this, but I’m just not sure what it is yet. Anyway, Laura wonders aloud how they could possibly get Mattie to tell them the truth about what’s really happening, and that’s when Perry suggests that perhaps Carmilla could take one for the team.

Screen Shot 2015-07-02 at 9.40.18 AMHey Carm, could you betray your sister and stuff for us when you get the chance? Kthnxbye!