We’ve come a long way, heathens. In this epic Salem finale, no one was safe from the evil blessings of the new Devil boy on the loose. The artist formerly known as Mary Sibley’s son is reincarnated as the Devil himself. Yes, this angelic-faced, white nightgown-wearing boy is Lucifer-and he’s come back not to protect and defend his witches but to punish them for how they treated his beloved Mary. Here the Countess seemed so sure and hopeful that Lucifer would be hers when he returned-I mean, that’s what this entire mission was all about! The Countess was willing to stop at nothing to make sure he safely returned to the world, so that she could serve him as his mistress. But that just wasn’t the case upon the boy waking up. All he wants is Mary. First, he will gain back her love and trust, and then she will be his bride.
At his meeting with the witches, the Devil boy has each girl step forward to receive his blessing. Everyone must be there. Mary is pissed at Anne. After all, she’s the one who traded Cotton’s life for the boy’s, so now Mary’s son is gone, and we’re all here to get fucked over. The boy is sweet to his mother though-he runs to her and calls her mommy and asks her to sing and read him stories. He speaks of meeting his father. His sweetness is a sure sign of the Devil’s work. When he was just little John still, he was hardly sweet-more meek and quiet, afraid and curious than anything. But now, as the Devil, he uses child innocence to act sweet, but it’s thinly veiled and Mary knows it. She rejects him immediately and walks away. The Countess falls beside him, constantly now at his side to make sure that his ever wish is her command. Her power bitch status is diminishing by the second; she’s acting like Sebastian chasing after Mary. Her begging is hardly validated by the Devil boy and he says once more, that he only wants Mary.
Is John Alden dead? When he is met in the woods by his old Indian pals, they guide him through the forest toward a rising sun and ask if he’d like to go in peace to eat and be merry, and he’s like, “No, I’m good,” but they’re like, “No, you’re actually already dead.” John’s face is totally stunned and we see a shot of him lying in the woods, seemingly dead. Is it so? If so, our body count has begun with one. But perhaps that number is about to rise even higher. Back at the Devil boy’s chambers, the witches wait in line for their blessings. First is Mercy, who the boy calls out for pointing her witch finger to name his mother Mary and go to war with her. He then bites her finger off with a calm, animalistic gesture, and Mercy runs off crying. Tituba bows at her knees quietly and the Devil boy kisses her forehead-telling her he knows every single one of her lies, the ways she’s betrayed Mary, and bans her from Salem by giving her back her “freedom.” She thanks him and scurries away. Mercy is crying to the Countess in the dining room-echoing her remarks to Mary from last week, about how she thought the Countess viewed Mercy as her own child, how she promised her beauty and marriage to Sebastian, royalty and status. The Countess coos at her while she cries over all the children she brought to the Countess for their youthful blood. The Countess is like, “Yeah, that’s because you’re my servant.” Mercy doesn’t like that one bit, so she motions to slap the Countess.
Bad idea. The Countess grabs Mercy’s arm and it begins to turn back to the crusted, burnt flesh she began with when the Countess first came to her seeking a vulnerable witch bitch to take under her wing. Now that this job is complete, she shoves Mercy out into the streets. “If I see your face again, I will peel it like an apple,” says the Countess as Mercy’s skin begins to burn off in patches.
Could this be the end for Tituba? As she walks through the woods with her red cape at her back, I can’t help but wonder if something ominous lingers ahead. The crows seem to be watching her, and suddenly they’re all on her-jabbing at her eyes, skin, hair, and as she cries out in agony, we watch Tituba die there in the woods. Say it ain’t so! Our body count has risen: One puritan, one witch. Will anyone be spared by the Devil’s ways? Mary knows this is the end of the rope, so she’s at the church where she perhaps knows the Countess will find her. It’s hard to understand exactly what Mary’s intentions are, or whether she’s given up all hope or has a trick up her sleeve. Has she completely lost all her power? Hardly. Just as the Countess arrives to rub it in Mary’s face that the Devil boy wants her to be “his whore”-Mary spins the table around on her, “Oh, he doesn’t want you!” she says. And the fight is on. Mary begins a speech about how the church is made up of the bark from the woods, chipping off a piece of the column she’s standing near and setting the pews ablaze. She taunts the Countess, calling her a “water witch” who can’t cry, never has, and never will-not even right now, as the church goes up in flames and she can’t even use her own tears to “quench the flame.”
Mary leaps at the Countess and begins to straddle her, punching her in the face. Now I’ve watched my fair share of Melrose Place, but these witches are giving those ’90s bitches a run for their money. People are gathering outside the church now unsure about what to do-I guess there’s no fire department in Salem. Mary has totally gone balls to the wall now on the Countess and insists she will kill her. But this ain’t the first time Mary’s threatened to kill the Countess. Remember when she was holding her corpse? That giant ball of fire is Mary’s best weapon, but it’s going to take everything out of her now. Suddenly Anne is in the church, staring on as her elders fight to the death. She begins to cry and water releases above her head, squashing the fire. Mary and the Countess separate, their plush gowns drenched. Mary, defeated, says to kill her. Anne provides a neutral stance-that everyone is suffering and must continue to deal with their shit in their own ways. But most importantly: Anne Hale just made it rain.
Unaware of the witch wars waging on, Mercy Lewis slums around the alleyways looking to pick up little girls so she can get her blood fix and heal her skin. Isaac catches her with one girl and saves the child from Mercy’s grip. He shames her for all the bullshit she put him through, how she turned on Dollie, and Mercy just claims that she still has more followers waiting to be given a signal-that she is “still here” and is a “true queen.” Keep telling yourself that, Mercy. We’re all petrified! Because of this church fire debacle, the Countess is super pissed and orders Sebastian to kill Mary. Sebastian doesn’t even have a spine, or a heart, or a brain, so he goes along with that despite his sick love obsession with Mary and leads her out into the woods to do the deed. Somehow the Countess believes the Devil won’t know this happened. But she’s cray. Sebastian doesn’t kill Mary though, he just takes some of her blood, claiming she could possibly survive without him having to take more to prove to his mother that he carried out her plan. He does so by placing the blood choker on Mary that the Countess used to fix Mercy’s skin. After he drains her, he leaves her there, but she wanders through the woods and finds John Alden!
Mary feeds John Alden the blood from her neck and then passes out.
Cotton and Anne are working through their marital issues. See, Cotton has just learned his wife is a witch, and said witch must convince said husband that her silly spells, evil deeds, curses, blessings, hidden rooms, bloody walls, and terrible trades have all been committed for the greater good, for his protection, for her livelihood. Cotton is mystified and disgusted, and says he’ll go to the Magistrate to tell him everything, so she traps him in her house and sticks Mr. Jenkins down his throat like he’s George Sibley with a toad. It’s all so, well, ironic. She’s admitted to him everything: that she put a love spell on him, that she killed those men in the woods who were going to rape her and kill him, that the Countess is a witch, too-but she cannot let him leave this house and blow up her game. It has to feel this bad because this is the one relationship everyone began to root for the most. If Cotton can’t accept her witchery, it makes the witch hunter in John Alden look like a saint, and it makes me wish Dr. Samuel hadn’t been killed off so easily. Surely Cotton has to come around, right? He may be a Mather, but he can still love a witch named Anne. He says he always has, even before the love spell. But now he looks like a mushy headed Sibley. Is Anne the new Mary?
What if Season Three takes place entirely in the after life? Mary could be dead. Tituba could be dead. John Alden could be dead. The Countess goes to the Devil boy to tell him about the terrible news: His Mary is gone. Of course, we can’t be sure. But just as the Countess goes in for a hug, she’s stabbed in the back by the Devil’s hand reaching around her side. He is so pissed. He begins to yell at her for what she’s done, and then proceeds to stab her to death as Sebastian walks in and witnesses the gore. Instead of helping, he just walks over to the Countess’s tomb and watches her skeletal face search desperately in him for signs he’ll save her, but he says he’s not ready to yet-maybe a tale from the crypt for another day. Oh, wait! John Alden breathes! Just as he awakes, he realizes Mary is next to him, and she’s dead. He cries and holds her, telling her he loves her, as if the words will soak in like magic. Sorry, JA-you aren’t a witch, you can’t bring her back to life by suddenly forgiving her and professing your love. Or can you? This can’t be the end of Mary though.
What are your predictions for Season 3? Is this the end of Lucy Lawless at the Countess? Are Mary and Tituba dead? Is Anne Hale the only surviving witch in the pack? Will Mercy continue to rid Salem of its youth population? Will the schools shut down? What kind of power will the Devil boy have in Salem now that he’s cast his curses-er, I mean, blessings? Is Sebastian going to continue walking around in poser Edward Scissorhands garb like he’s a hot shot? Has Anne gone totally mad, and will she and Cotton ever get their pureness back? Who needs to team up to save the Essex witch name? What women need to band together to survive this plague of astral, Hellish proportions? What would a witch do to survive in Salem? The Devil wants to know.
