“Orange is the New Black” recap (3.1): Mother’s Day

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Hey Oranginas! Welcome to the season three recaps of Orange is the New Black, the show that turns every queer girl into a shut-in for a solid weekend! The latest season of OITNB is filled with laughter, tears, and tons of queers, so let’s get to it.

Just one request: Not everyone is mainlining the whole the series in one go, so please keep the comments section spoiler free for viewers who have the willpower to stretch this season out.

We open as COs Maxwell and Bell being driven by Pennsatucky, who is explaining that any phrase can sound sexual if it’s said with the right inflection. They are on their way to a supply store to get decorations for the Mother’s Day fair that the prison is throwing for the visiting children. This episode is all about moms, and instead of the usual one character flashbacks, we get a smorgasbord of mother-child experiences.

or1We could drive through Jack in the Box so fast, no one would even notice!

The first one features a young Pennsatucky being forced to guzzle a Mountain Dew by her mother, as a ploy to receive extra social security benefits for having a hyperactive child. Between all that soda and meth, it’s no wonder Tucky needed those new teeth. Back at the store, Tucky suggests that the guards get the discount Cinco de Mayo decorations, and they leave with a chili pepper piñata and some leftover shamrocks from St. Patrick’s day.

or2 My daughter makes the shittiest ear muffs…please help

Back at Litchfield, Red is released from the infirmary and assigned to Miss Rosa’s old bunk, which is now a shrine. Apparently Rosa crashed the van in a quarry and is now holding up banks in Heaven. RIP Rosa. Red offers DeMarco some of her pain pills, but a roughed-up Alex Vause pops up from the top bunk to take them. Welcome back, Vause.

or3Hey girl, I wanna make like those pills and spend a hot second in your mouth

Caputo gives the new counselor Berdie Rogers the tour, and she seems more than up for the job. The fact that she is a woman and seems to give a shit is a step in the right direction. Despite the drama of last year, Caputo has made strides in his efforts to create a “kinder, gentler” Litchfield. We’ll see how long that lasts.

or4Looks like the yolk’s on you! *I’ll see myself out

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