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“The Rich Man’s Daughter” recap (8-15): Family drama

The Rich Man’s Daughter (TRMD) is back! It’s always back; it’s on every day on GMA in the Philippines. If you don’t live in the Philippines, you can watch it with subtitles on Daily Motion.

We have to give the some props (are people still saying “props”?) for dealing with some very important issues, like how to be gay when you have a dad who literally beats up gay people (the answer is: get out of there). When I first started watching, I was amused by the sheer melodrama. I don’t watch a lot of soap operas, so I’m not used to a character repeating the same exact question 15 times, and I’m also not used to people crying for ENTIRE EPISODES, or just staring into the distance until the next commercial break. If you like a very slow pace, or if you have memory problems, this show is totally for you. I started out amused, but now that I’m further into TRMD, I’m actually horrified. I feel like I’m watching a scary movie and I had to turn all the lights on and call a friend. Shit is going down in this sappy drama! Suicides, hit men, beatings and blonde lesbians with horrifying, choppy haircuts popping up out of nowhere. This shit is scary.

Episode 8

We kick off with David asking Jade one more time, “Hey, why don’t you love me? And is there someone else?” He proceeds to ask her this, and all of her friends, a million times—that is the entire episode. Meanwhile, the eldest Tachingo brother, Gabriel, makes a sneaky phone call to a lady who, we find out, is his one true love (but he let her get away-she wasn’t up to his family’s standards. I’m guessing because she never wears any blazers).

So just to recap, the eldest brother (Gabriel) let his dream girl get away, the second brother (Paul) is gay and is being pressured to hide it by the family, and the youngest daughter (Jade) is a closeted lesbian. And the parents just keep yelling at all of them.

Oscar, the dad, tries to set Paul up on a date with a girl and Paul agrees. Jade seeks vague relationship advice from her mother, doing that thing we all do when we are still in the closet—”I love this person. I don’t want to hurt them.” But no one catches on that she is being mad shady about her pronouns.

Jade cries and cries and cries—I’m actually worried that the actress might die of dehydration—but despite all of the tears, her eyebrows always look amazing, as do everyone’s on this show. I think the eyebrow artist for TRMD should win a Daytime Emmy.

Episode 9

Paul keeps his promise to his dad and goes on a date. The girl is super annoying, so he realizes he cannot for the life of him be straight. He also sees some hot dudes in the corner and is like, fuck this shit. He gets up dramatically and leaves her in the middle of her story about her gal pals in college.

Based on vague advice from Jade’s mom Amanda that she should break up with “the person” who she loves besides David, Jade makes a plan to do it. She shows up at the funeral for Althea’s dad to break her heart. This is confusing because I’m pretty sure we already had his funeral. Maybe it lasts for a few days? I don’t know. So Jade arrives in a pink blazer and realizes it would be pretty mean to dump her girlfriend here.

Gabriel sees his love, Angie, and not much happens. He basically says, “Sorry, I never married you just because you aren’t fancy.” Then Althea has some crazy flashbacks to her former husband, Tommy, who beat her and threw some kind of milky substance in her face. The worst part about this is that her dad, while putting ice on her face, says, “This is your fault, too. You didn’t marry who you love.” Probably the #1 thing you don’t say to people who are victims of abuse, but Althea thinks he is sweet and cries some more.

Finally, Jade goes to Althea’s apartment and breaks up with her. But then, like a typical lesbian, she won’t leave. Althea is like, please go, but Jade just stays and cries. Meanwhile, Jade’s mom told her brother Paul to go spy on her and make sure she ends it with her boyfriend. Paul sees the two of them, and we’re all like, “OOHHHHH NOOOOO secret’s out.” He is so going to tell on her.

Episode 10

This is the best part of the show because Paul has the opportunity to out Jade, which she did to him years ago, and he takes the high road. Phew. They hug and kind of make up. Paul seems happy to have another gay around the house

Jade asks Paul for 30 minutes, what is this gayness? From whence did it come? Why me? Why gay? Why you? WHY!?

Meanwhile, I’m wondering, WHO IS TAKING CARE OF THE DOG that Althea gave Jade like 10 years ago in episode two. No one has even walked this dog once.

Episode 11

Gabriel’s wife, Pearl, the most out of the loop person in the whole family, finally finds out that Paul is gay and she’s like, “oh, that’s why you are all so weird about him.” Meanwhile, Gabriel is being weird on his phone (talking to Angie) but it will take Pearl another 5 years to figure this one out.

Paul moves out and gets a job, where he meets Gerald, a sexy guy at work. Jade and David’s re-do engagement party happens and Althea comes, but runs away dramatically. Jade runs outside and they both cry. David sees. He puts all the things together and…..after a few minutes…..and a couple of songs….he has it! JADE IS A LESBIAN! Then he’s like, “EWWWWWWW. I can’t marry her.”

Episode 12

David calls off the engagement and makes Jade almost touch his man parts and asks, “Does your girlfriend have this?” which is such a classy move. Jade sobs for another long, long time. Everyone is really mad that the engagement is off, but David keeps Jade’s sexuality a secret, saying it just didn’t work out. Still, it’s a huge problem. David’s whole family has to move to America to avoid the shame of a failed engagement. Oh their way to America, they bump into a lesbian couple, and one of the girls spooked me with her choppy hair. The lesbians yell at David for staring at them. Ha, yeah, welcome to America buddy.

In order to punish Jade, Jade’s dad, tells everyone to stay away from her. This is serious punishment for a girl who can’t even sleep alone in her own bed.

Episode 13

Ama yells at Jade’s dad for being a jerk, so Jade’s dad is like, let’s get rid of Ama. He sends her to a retirement home, just to hurt Jade. Then he comes into Jade’s room and breaks her glass box with a statue in it and leaves all the glass on the floor. Jade sees it and is like, oh I have an idea. She attempts suicide.

Jade’s brother Gabriel finds her on the floor, half dead, and next thing you know we are in the hospital.

We need a second to talk about how awesome Batchi is. This is the hottie who is Althea’s best friend. Well it turns out, she has a super hot long-distance girlfriend and a child! She just got even hotter. She’s the voice of reason for Althea, always saying stuff like, “Dude, let it go.”

In the hospital, the whole family feels really inconvenienced that Jade tried to kill herself. The mom is like, why would Jade do this? But as an audience, we are all thinking, um, she’s been crying every day for a whole year and no one got her some therapy?

Jade’s dad comes to her hospital bed, after she has just attempted suicide, and yells at her some more! It’s truly unbelievable. Jade apologizes for trying to off herself, and her dad reminds her that this will only add embarrassment to the family. Who is he so worried about impressing—other people who wear blazers?

Episode 14

Luckily Jade has the fanciest hospital room in history, and a completely delusional nanny who says stuff like “family is all that matters, they will always be there for you,” even though Jade’s family just drove her to attempt suicide.

Althea comes to visit and they basically fall in love all over again, even though they are broken up. They hold hands and they both have perfect manicures.

Jade tells the nurses and doctors that she probs won’t try to commit suicide again, which they find extremely convincing and let her go.

Episode 15

Well, the dad had no choice at this point but to take his frustrations out on Paul. He tracks him down, finds out he’s still up to his gay ways, and punches him in the gut. This dad loves slapping and punching people, and I can’t help but wonder why people don’t stand a little further away from him when they talk to him. They take Paul home and the mom begs him to hide his sexuality.

But it’s no use, Paul refuses and the dad is determined to beat Paul to a pulp. He hires some people to track him down, put him in a room and then they beat him with a bat. When the mom starts sobbing, the dad says, “I know not his choice to be born gay but he has the choice of hiding it.”

Paul calls Jade and tells her that she better run. Run far away, he says, or dad will do much worse to you when he finds out you’re a lesbian. Jade thinks about it, stares into the distance, and says at least 100 times that she is not sure. Until next time…

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