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“Carmilla” recap (2.1 & 2.2): Bloody Hell

Carmilla is back and based on our readers’ love and devotion to the series (okay, and ours) we will be doing mini-recaps on Fridays of the week’s episodes.

When we last saw Carmilla, Laura, LaFontaine and Perry, they were spending Christmas hiding out from not only the evils unleashed at Silas University, but some angry villagers as well. You try to drain the sweet sweet blood of one mayor, and look what happens, Carm. After a “waitress” who turned out to be a sadistic Mrs. Claus, tried to literally turn the gingers into gingerbread, Laura gave Carmilla her blessing to eat the witch. Kids today are so evolved about relationships.

If you’ve been keeping up with Carmilla and Laura’s Twitter accounts, you will see that they’ve been dealing with all sorts of mystical shenanigans in the time between last season and now. For example:

Canada is crazy, y’all! After escaping yet another calamity, the gang has found themselves a nice, spooky mansion to lay low in. And that’s were we pick up the story. As Laura tries to vlog, a need even stronger than Carmilla’s thirst for blood, her vamptastic girlfriend reminds her there are way better things to think about other than social media and the apocalypse.

It’s all very adorable and, frankly, a little hot. They cuddle, and play with each other’s hair and do all these girlfriendy things. Laura explains that their escape plan was a bust and they are now back on Silas’s campus, with plans to get back into the library. You know, the killer library? Great plan, Hollis. Carmilla threatened the previous residents (psychology TAs) with death and dismemberment, and now they have a safe place to ride out this craziness. Or do they?

That whole thing about the light demon? Well, that turned out to be an angler-fish god, who got his big ol’ ass stuck in the hell mouth beneath Silas. He’s on ice for the time being. Yay!

Well, Carmilla might not be happy to see you, LaFontaine, but we are! LaFontaine fills the girls in on the sitch: The library is a no-go, Perry went to the newspaper to see if she could get the scoop, and people are exhausting when it comes to getting their pronouns right. Don’t worry, LaFontaine, they will come around. LaFontaine has toured the mansion, and it’s the shit! Full of hot tubs and trap doors, and animal skulls. I wonder if this joint is available on AirBnB.

When LaFontaine and Laura wonder out loud who might have lived there before, Carmilla brushes them off, fully knowing who once inhabited the mansion. She guiltily slinks away while LaFontaine goes to fire up J.P. on the big screen upstairs, and Laura continues her digital age Nancy Drewing. Laura can’t help but notice her boo is upset, and Carmilla confesses she’s worried that Laura thinks that she used her vampire thrall on her. Maybe once upon a time, that would have been Carmilla’s deal, but with Laura, it’s different. They get their lesbian processing on, and Laura admits that dating a 500 year old vampire hottie is a wee bit intimidating. However, Carmilla proved to be someone that Laura could believe in. I mean, she legit sacrificed herself for Laura. That’s some serious girlfriend brownie points. They attempt to get their make out on, and are interrupted by Perry, who is wearing a lot more blood than usual.

The next episode picks up right where we left off. Perry is in hella shock. As Laura tries to figure out if the blood is Perry’s, Perry mutters, “They are all dead.” WHO IS DEAD, PERRY!? When Perry took a trip to the newspaper office, instead of finding a bunch of surly reporters, she found a bunch of deceased ones. When they said print was dead, I don’t think that’s what they meant.

LaFontaine runs downstairs with a makeshift weapon, assuming the screams they heard were not of the pleasurable kind. Perry, being perfectly Perry, worries that’s she’s getting blood all over the expensive furnishings.

LaFontaine sits Perry down, and she tells them a terrible tale of discovering the bodies. The poor girl slipped in a puddle of blood, and that’s why she’s covered in the stuff. (Annie Briggs kills it in this scene.) She ran for her life and now at least she’s back with her friends. With no police or security to help, the gang is left with few options. They take a break to regroup. Perry gets cleaned up and cuddles with LaFontaine (LaFerry! LaFerry!) as Laura fills us in. There are zero people that can help them on this campus.

By killing the Dean, the campus has plunged into chaos. The Zetas, The Summers and the Alchemy Club are going all Lord of the Flies on each other, so if the angler-fish god doesn’t squeeze free and get them, the infighting will. Carmilla reminds them that when you mess with ancient evils, it creates a “power vacuum,” which totally sucks. Perry pipes up and points out that when the going got tough, they got going. This plays right into Laura’s sense of duty, and she gets that familiar look in her eye. Carmilla wants to keep running, but Laura wants to make a stand. Hell, she insists on it. Here we go, Creampuffs.

Next week, Tall Gay Danny is back!

Also, the Streamy Awards are coming up, and you can send in nominations for Carmilla and its cast. Like Natasha, here!

Do you want to create a hashtag especially for this recap, so I can post your Carmilla musings? Hit me up in the comments with your suggestions! You can watch Carmilla on VerveGirl TV’s Youtube channel.

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