“Wentworth” recap (3.8): Consider Yourself Bitch Slapped


Meanwhile, Fletch decides to take advantage of Bridget’s newly-free schedule to get himself some psychotherapy, in hopes of unlocking his memories from the day of the van accident. Bridget tells him to close his eyes and relax and instantly he recovers an image of the man in the van, who was wearing shoes just like the man Fletch encountered in the Wentworth parking lot the other day. (I was going to sniff about how Fletch’s sleuthing skills rely on the presumption that his assailant only owns one pair of shoes, but then remembered that I only own three, and out of those, my girlfriend only lets me leave the house in one.)


Needless to say, this revelation is pretty upsetting, and we all know that Fletch doesn’t make the best decisions when under a great deal of emotional duress. When he sees Bea’s sketches of her attacker, he puts the pieces together and she explains that the man is Joan’s thug. So now she’s got two very angry people going after this guy. Ooh! Maybe they’ll fall in love!

Next up, Franky tries to sneak back into Bridget’s office, but is turned away, looking like a puppy that was briefly adopted and then forced back out onto the street. In the hallway she bumps into Kim, the architect of her misfortune, and pulls her into a camera-free zone (of which Wentworth has an alarming amount). Kim is like, “What are you going to do, bitch slap me?” And then that is exactly what Franky does. Y’all know I am generally opposed to violence in all forms, but in this case Kim deserved it for opening her big mouth and ruining everything.

It took a while, but Joan finally noticed that her once warm friendship with Vera had gone a bit cold. So that night, she invites her for a dinner with plenty of booze so they can patch things up/possibly make out. Like she literally says, “You know that I’ve always wanted to be more than just a mentor to you.


But when Joan asks wherefore the fire of their affection has faded, Vera is like “Oh well probably wherefore you let me get Hep-C from a bunch of inmates.” At the mention of disease, Joan’s O(ccasional)CD kicks in and she goes from holding Vera’s hand to hosing down her entire home with bleach. With the prospect of tipsy lesbianing of the table, Vera goes home.

Thesis: abolish public prison showers. I’m serious. Bad things ALWAYS HAPPEN IN THEM and I think the taxpayers would be willing to pay a slightly higher soap tax on the condition that we can retire the (never funny) joke about dropping it. This week’s piece of evidence in favor of privatizing prison showers is Lucy and company, who (for some reason) take it into their heads to go after Doreen. (I guess Doreen did call Lucy a bull dyke, but I would encourage Lucy to own that term.) They threaten to infect Dor and her baby with Hep-C (really just the one strategy with these ladies) and in her terror, Doreen throws herself on the floor, injuring her fetus for the 80th time this season.


Luckily, the baby is fine, but Joan insists that Doreen go into protection until he is born.

And when Lucy goes in for her shower (in a BOSS robe, I must say), Bea and Maxine are there to give her a taste of her own medicine. It’s another one of those cases where violence might just be the answer.

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