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“Lost Girl” Rewind Mini-Cap (5.03): Big in Japan

Rewind is a weekly mini-recap following the Syfy broadcast of Lost Girl. Read the full episode recap here.

Bo is determined to paint that girl right out of her apartment, though every lesbian and bisexual fan wish she were washing that wolfman right out of her hair instead. Bo is giving her place a much-needed coat of paint with Dyson when she totally loses her appetite.

After succubus interruptus, Dyson goes to see Lauren about some dead body. She gets a telemarketer call, but our wolf knows it was secretly a death threat. Dr. Hotpants has been getting a lot of those since she turned the Morrigan human. Dyson is worried and Lauren tries to pretend she isn’t worried. But then something goes bump in the night and she tries to attack the night janitor with her toned arms and vicious broom.

Back at the Suck Shack, Tamsin brings drinks and terrible snacks, so they decide to go out for the night. A jerk in a fancy car tries to pick them up. Instead of listening to their Skeezy Guy Warning instincts they decide to take him up on his offer. They wake up the next morning in bed, but alas the dude is still there.

Before the show turns into bad pay-per-view, we learn he’s there because a hit has been taken out on him. So he wants Bo and Tamsin’s help. The dude in question also just happens to be a great warrior Musashi of some legend about a great Fae battle. He’s exalted among Fae, but mostly we just think he’s a jerk who picks up chicks in his overcompensation mobile.

Lauren goes to find Dyson at his gym to do something about her death threat problem. She asks him to train her to protect herself. But first, like a good lesbian, she insists he put his shirt on first. So they agree to find something that works for her, which probably won’t be boxing.

Bo’s hurt when the assassin comes to attack Musashi, but then he commits seppuku when he realizes who he was assigned to kill. When she can’t feed off Tamsin, Bo goes to see Lauren for some healing, sexual or otherwise. But it doesn’t work with the good doctor either. Call 911, this shit just got serious.

Bo continues to investigate the hit on Musashi and for some reason this involved going undercover as a masseuse. Have you ever noticed how often women go undercover as masseuses on TV shows? Just saying. It’s revealed that Musashi has been lying about his great feats and must admit his dishonor. Otherwise when he goes to ascend he’ll be turned into a toilet licker and/or soybean appetizer. Hey, I don’t make the rules. I just write them up.

So Bo and Tamsin go all Kill Bill to stop the ascension. Then Musashi’s sister arrives, and it’s revealed she was the great warrior, not her brother. Dudes, taking credit for the ladies’ work. Would you guys like the other 78 cents as well? Kidding! Don’t worry! Not all men! Like Dyson, who is currently helping Lauren learn how to hurl a throwing star. They commiserate about their worry over Bo. These two in lesbro mode is so much better than in rival mode.

Just kidding, men are terrible. Musashi arrives at Bo’s apartment and stabs her for stopping his ascension and revealing his douchbaggery. While being treated at Lauren’s clinic the whole gang begs Bo to feed off of them. Tamsin yells at her for having a death wish, which is a tad petulant but works. Bo is having a righteous pity party about all the people she has lost. But then all her friends and lovers remind her that she will never be alone. And the pep talks works as Fae Viagra and she has everyone but Dyson leave.

Poor Lauren and Tamsin are then forced to sit around and listen to the carnage. They make awkward small talk and then Lauren tells Tamsin how her brutal truth talking is just what everyone needs. They make pretty good lesbros, too, now that I think about it.

The case is solved, but Lauren’s work still isn’t done. Because a guy arrives at her clinic demanding the Magical Vagina Serum. He takes the assistant hostage, but Lauren throwing stars a bunch of Ketamine into his neck instead. So I guess that worked. And now everyone’s work is done, yes? Not quite. It’s movie night at the Suck Shack. The gang assembles for burnt popcorn, wine, Dark Belch and a horror flick.

Too bad a real-life one is happening over in Lauren’s morgue where one of the dead elevator people gets up, snaps the same unfortunate assistant’s neck and then calmly applies lipstick.

BONUS BOOBS O’CLOCK:

CAPTION THIS:

READ THE FULL LOST GIRL 5.03 RECAP HERE.

More by Ms. Snarker: @dorothysnarker or dorothysurrenders.com.

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