In honor of Orphan Black‘s return this weekend, we’ve been thinking about clones. Would you ever want to clone yourself? If so, what would you have your clone do for you? Visit the in laws? Stand in line at the accountant? World domination?
Elaine Atwell: THERE IS ONLY ONE QUESTION, AND THAT IS: WOULD YOU KISS YOUR CLONE. JUST ONE TIME. JUST TO KNOW.
Chloe: I would clone myself to rule the world because I truly believe everyone would benefit from doing exactly as I say. And by everyone, I mean everyone who counts. And by everyone who counts I mean me.
Dara Nai: Obvs, my clone would do all my work for me so I can spend more time being witty on Facebook, watching TV, and eating chips.
Chelsea Steiner: I would clone myself so I can finally realize my dreams of being in a family band. I just hope my clones have more musical ability than I do! Also, is sex with your clone technically masturbation? I’m asking for a genetically identical friend.
Kim Hoffman: I don’t know. Shit might get weird-and fast. Will she want to meet my parents? Will she want to just casually “hang” with my girlfriend for “research”? Will she be all the things I’m not because she didn’t go through my experiences? It WILL NOT be like The Lizzie McGuire Movie. It would just make a sharp turn for a gnarly Single White Female sequel. There would not be enough Xanax.
Valerie Anne Liston: I would only want a clone of me if I looked like Tatiana Maslany. I was obsessed with twins growing up (I blame Mary Kate and Ashley, but Tia and Tamara, plus books like Sweet Valley High and Twitches, etc didn’t help) because it always seemed like so much fun. On top of being a built-in best friend, the promise of the place-switching shenanigans was endlessly entertaining to me. So, basically I would just use my clone(s) to mess with people’s heads. Like strategically place us along a friend’s commute so they spot me from a distance in three different places despite the logistic impossibility. I would also probably send her/one of them on first dates for me because I’m really bad at those awkward first encounters.
Grace Chu: I would send my clone to do grocery shopping. 10% of my life is spend standing in line at Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s. I don’t want to look back in old age and wonder what else I could have been doing, even though those delicious artichokes were delicious.
Ali Davis: You’re all being so flip about this. It’s easy to tell that you don’t have an evil clone trying to murder you and take over your life. You think it’s so funny, why don’t you get over here and start my car for me? By the way, if you see me but with an eye patch and a mohawk like the lead singer of Bow Wow Wow, DO NOT loan her money, hand over my keys, or in any way indicate that I’m about to drop onto her from a convenient awning.
Bridget McManus: I wouldn’t want a clone because if she’s as spontaneous and as irrational as I am then the world isn’t safe. And I’d be scared she’d take my clothes and if she touched my wife id kill her and then I’d go to jail and clone me would take over my life. Nothing good can happen from this.
Miranda Meyer: If Calvin and Hobbes taught me one thing, it’s that clones only get you in trouble. No hijinks are worth the destruction that would rain down upon my life.
Lucy Hallowell: Early on when my mom was pregnant with me, they heard an echo of my heartbeat and thought for a short time that I might have been twins. My mother speak fondly of her relief that she only had one of me to deal with because I was a hellacious child. I’ll take that as a sign from the universe that the world is better off with just one me.
Jenna Lykes: I’ve seen Multiplicity about a hundred times, so, yeah, I’d probably do for the hijinks. You know there’d be hijinks.
Dana Piccoli: Well that’s easy. I’d have one clone pursue the careers I always wanted to. One clone would spend all her time working on music, and the other would go to pastry school and make us all cookies.
Trish Bendix: I feel like clones are great only in theory. I don’t know that I’d love having someone else doing things that would be attributed to me, for better or for worse. Also I’d have to be way more interested in science and biology, which are not my fortes.
Sarah Terez Rosenblum: Am I missing something? Has no one mentioned sleeping with her clone?
Dara Nai: I am not my type.
Ali Davis: I wouldn’t sleep with my identical twin, so I don’t think I could bang my clone. Plus, I’d be ruined for all other women. Who could live up to me after me?
Would you like a clone? How about several?
