Surely, I’m not the only one who wants to get their hands on Liza’s college essay: “Joyce Carol Oates and the Riddling Nature of Female Desire.”
After her internet presence is erased (well, tell that to the FBI) Liza calls her daughter Caitlin to basically explain why she’s now off the grid, even though it’s Caitlin who is off the grid-sitting on a bus in India next to a chicken. Anyway, Liza’s Facebook page is sort of lacking anyway, and I’m having way more fun hearing her make up false memories of attending Spice Girls concerts and a hand job on the bus at the same time of 9/11. Girl’s putting in serious effort. So much effort that when she runs into Josh, conveniently outside of his tattoo parlor-which he said was more of a “lounge” but definitely looks parlory, she curtseys and says “sir.” That Jane Austen is really rubbing off on her.
Catch me if you can, world wide web.
At the office, Diana is a hurricane of stress as per usual. It seems Joyce Carol Oates is releasing the “best book of her career” but the marketing has gone whack and another big author has a big release the same day. Diana knows JCO deserves more than this, but Liza’s input that the reviews must be “great” sends Trout into a storm again. Reviews mean shit, she says. It’s time to sell to a new generation, a generation she calls Liza’s “fetus peers.” That’s fine-Liza will figure out just how to sell this thing in no time, I’m sure.
For now, it’s lunch in the park with Kelsey and Lauren. Kelsey has a Swedish book to read-it was literally just translated and the author is in town talking to everyone. More importantly, it’s on both of Kelsey’s iPads, and her Kindle. Liza prefers the turn-the-page paper feel, no PDF necessary. (Which I totally support as a Generation X and Millennial in-betweener.) Like I could ever give up email. That seems really apocalyptic to be unacquainted with, but I’d toss a beeper on my jean pocket for old time’s sake, and we should never abandon paper. Oh, Lauren’s got her boobs out. And is taking selfies of her boobs. In the park. I support this, though. I live in Portland where I saw two girls walking topless down the sidewalk last week-free the nips, ladies.
Fact: We all have nipples.
“I’ve gotta feed the beast,” says Lauren. Kelsey notices the onlookers-the gawking men taking their cameras out. Lauren encourages them to follow her on Twitter. By the time Kelsey and Liza make it back to the office, #ToplessTuesday and #lunchwiththegirls are both trending. Liza’s light bulb flashes and she pitches a crazy idea to Diana-what about releasing JCO’s book on a Tuesday? Liza says this could be really empowering for women, that they could run a viral campaign.
Diana plays tough cookies but she’s a ball-busting hustler and she wears on-point statement necklaces. Plus, I’m pretty sure her color wheel is only shades of white, black and gray. She needs her 70 percent dark chocolate and to get JCO’s agent on the phone. With a smirk, she leaves Liza and all of us watching wondering-is Topless Tuesday the new release date for the 76-year-old author?
At nightfall, Liza and Josh are out on their sexy Brooklyn couples date, where he dashes off to fetch her the town’s finest meatballs. Of course this is the perfect moment for a couple Liza knows to bump into her. The woman gushes and prods-the way women do, tenderizing the word “divorce” in the same sentence as “he’s a great catch.” When Liza says she’s fine, that she’s been staying with Maggie, her friend sounds mystified and worried even more. “Maggie? The lesbian artist? You could’ve stayed with me.”
As Liza shoos them off, Josh gets back with a basket of meatballs and a confused look on his face. Liza calls her friend “an old woman” who was looking for directions, kissy because she’s just very French. I love the land of television drama-comedy. In real life, your date would never buy this awkwardly placed moment for a second. Kinda like Lauren noticing Liza’s “crows feet”-lines around our eyes-and pointing out that its not typical for girls our age. But, that’s the sweet little current that’s taking place in Younger-age, and aging, and the fixation for how it defines, marks, and locates us in where we are at, how we see things, what we feel inside, and how far our boundaries go-what we’re willing to see, truly, and what we will turn a blind eye to, no numbers about it.
As the date winds down, Josh plants a kiss on Liza, but she tells him she doesn’t want to get into anything right now because she’s really focused on work. The next morning, Maggie is painting in her pajamas and talks to Liza about the kiss because she happened to see it from the window and she happens to think Liza shouldn’t give up a good thing. Liza says it’ll never happen again, but those sound like “famous last words” if you ask me. Maggie eyes Liza as she walks away in her best plaid skirt, because she knows that the mouthgasm Liza had over Josh’s meatballs is only the beginning.
That kiss was HOT.
Ah-ha! Diana Trout took the bait. The campaign Liza dreamed up as a result of Lauren’s topless park debut is happening. #ShowUsYourOates will be the empowering campaign (more banner, less boob, says Diana) that takes Twitter and Joyce Carol Oates fans by storm. Looks like Liza wins the social media day, plus she’s driven the empowerment stick up Kelsey’s butt too when Kelsey gets bummed over her Swedish author potentially signing with another publisher. Then there’s that friend who she ran into-the friend who said she had a fellow divorcee dreamboat for Liza to go out on a date with. Friends like that don’t give up. They call you from their landline in their pristine, Mr. Clean sparkling kitchen, where bowls filled with lemons gleam and the caffeinated, yoga-nated wife is anxious to play matchmaker and make this date a sure-fire path to marriage! Liza’s unable to say no, because friends like this are more intimidating than Nancy Grace. She’s also discovered her precious daughter Caitlin is partaking in the #ShowUsYourOates campaign, which is a big no-no for Liza.
She’s got a fresh date to worry about now. Only this date will require Liza to dress as 40-year-old Liza (aka wear your hair tight and pulled back). Maggie, Maggie, dressed in red, looking ’90s hot and making me think we should all call it a night and invite Gina Gershon over, too. Maggie makes some overly obvious female-loving remark and remains that exterior voice in Liza’s ear that’s saying, “It’s not that you’re now acting and dressing younger, it’s that you’re now being YOURSELF.” To go back almost feels sad, and not right, and-don’t do it, Liza!
Lady in red, is dancing with me.
Her blind date turns out to be a little bit of everything expected-jaded, bitter still about his divorce, uppity and egotistical. He jabs at Liza’s age and calls her “cute” in the same breath. He laughs at an “email” on his phone, unaware that Liza’s receiving a text from someone too. It’s Josh: “Sup kissable?” (I don’t even know what he means, but OK.) Liza smiles as the waiter clears the table, knowing this date of hers is probably sexting with some young thing-but so is she. Back in the ‘hood, she lets her hair out of the bun as if it say “here comes sexy” and strolls straight up to Josh’s stoop. She lays another, what Maggie might call,”hot kiss” on Josh and sashays away into the night, leaving the man swept up in her spell. Ah, yes, the riddling nature of female desire.
What lovely oates you have.
Show me your oates! Just kidding-please don’t. But please do tweet me @the_hoff so we can impersonate Jane Austen and talk about how solid a sidekick Maggie is. Use the hashtag #MaggieKnowsBest & #YoungerTV. Tune in next Tuesday for a new episode of Younger.
