This Sunday, nine months after the ladies of The L Word convened in Canada for Carmen and Shane’s aborted wedding, the Showtime drama returns for its fourth season with new loves, new rivals and new lives for almost everyone. The only thing that hasn’t changed is the opening theme song. Yep, love it or hate it, it’s still Betty.
Last season, Shane left Carmen standing at the altar; Tina returned to the Isle of Man; and Bette, not in her right mind since getting Heche’d, kidnapped their baby daughter, Angelica. Jenny and Max saw their relationship de-evolved into exactly what you’d expect when you put a man and a lesbian together, and Helena was introduced to tough love when her mom cut her off from all that lovely money. Alice and Lara dealt with Dana’s death by having hot grief sex, and Kit and Angus were knocked back on their asses to learn that Kit was knocked up.
If you’ve been praying for Carmen’s return, preferably while wearing a pair of Daisy Dukes and a low-cut belly shirt, or for Dana to make recurring appearances to have imaginary conversations (and sex) with Alice, be forewarned. Creator Ilene Chaiken said in a recent interview with Go NYC magazine, “We know we have a passionate audience. [But] we never tell a story based on what the audience wants.”
That said, here’s a preview of what’s to come, character by character. Don’t worry, the following contains very few spoilers.
(For the heavy-duty, spoilerific preview, go here for my Top 10 Season 4 Spoilers.)
Bette – After losing her cool for most of last season, Bette regains her alpha dyke mien in her new job as dean of an art school. Cybill Shepherd returns to episodic television, after a nine-year break since her eponymous TV series Cybill, as Phyllis Kroll, Bette’s new boss. “Heads Will Roll Kroll” may be the no-nonsense head of a university, but she’s also a 50-something married woman who’s ready to uncover her inner lesbian.
Oscar-winner Marlee Matlin also joins the cast as deaf artist Jodi Lerner, whom Bette brings in as an artist-in-residence. Jodi is as passionate about women as she is about art, and she quickly becomes attracted to Bette. (Who doesn’t?)
Alice – Time heals all wounds, and Alice is poised to emerge from her state of mourning and return to the business of being the quirky, funny Alice of Season 1. This season, that involves the expansion of her MySpace-like website based on her white-board chart of all her friends’ hook-ups.
On said website, Alice discovers someone named Papi who actually has more hits than Shane, and Alice sets off on a mission to find her. Played by newcomer Janina Gavankar, Papi is the anti-Shane: a showy, swaggering, shamelessly competitive seducer of anything in a skirt. Papi’s posse includes another new character: Tasha Williams, played by Rose Rollins, who soon catches Alice’s eye.
Shane – Despite a string of careers from trick-turning street kid to hairdresser to Hollywood deal-maker and back to hairdresser, Shane has always remained “Shane”: an unobtainable, love ’em and leave ’em cool cat who really needs to eat more.
New to Shane’s world this season is Paige Sobel, a smokin’ hot single mom played by out bisexual actor Kristanna Loken (Terminator 3, BloodRayne), whom she meets at a back-to-school night. I know what you’re thinking: What is L.A.’s lesbian Lothario doing hanging out at a school? Will Shane find a new sense of family playing Xbox with Paige’s son? Or could it be she’s tapping into a new dating market, seeing as how she’s slept with every girl who ever passed within five blocks of The Planet?
Tina – Tina and her blander-than-paste boyfriend (whose name I can never remember) were last seen living the incredibly dull adventure of two hets in like. Now that she’s straight again, how will Tina reconcile her old friends with her new life? Will anyone remember to invite her to the next theme party at The Planet? Will anyone want to?
The burning question on many viewers’ minds is: Will Tina and Bette get back together? Legions of “Tibette” fans have forums, message boards and online petitions devoted to nothing less than a full-blown reunion and a return to the good old days of Season 1. But before you download any more Tibette wallpaper, remember what Ms. Chaiken said about giving the audience what they want.
Jenny – No other character is more despised. Self-absorbed, manipulative and occasionally destructive, Jenny is pure id. (Personally, I like Jenny. I wonder what that says about me?)
Last season, she broke up with Max, but forgot to tell him to get his own apartment. In Canada for the wedding that wasn’t, she hooked up with French-accented Claude, who could be a foreign version of Jenny herself. This season, Jenny’s first novel, Some of Her Parts, is published, which leads to predictably bad reviews, which leads Jenny to predictably psychotic behavior.
Helena –Since we first met her in Season 2, we’ve seen Helena transform from a rich bitch who casually cut Bette’s funding and dated her ex to a more human, rich bitch friend who paid for Shane’s wedding.
Now that she’s penniless, how is Helena going to make a living, considering her only real skill sets consist of shopping and ordering people around? Well, remember how she had that miraculous personality transformation between Seasons 2 and 3? This year, she develops some miraculous new skills (using coupons and reading bus schedules?) while BFF Alice helps her out by inviting her to be her roommate.
Max – Moira doesn’t live here anymore. But since he started living as a man, Max’s life hasn’t changed much, either. He still lives with Jenny and Shane. He still spouts nonsensical techno-babble about programs that navigate documentation for IT process best practices. And despite a ridiculous new soul patch, Max still has the highest, little-girl voice in Los Angeles.
Unsurprisingly, Max is now the poster child for gender issues. If the writing improves, they’ll examine the way transgender people are treated in gay circles, or how Max moves through the world as a new man. But alas, that’s a big “if.”
Kit and Angus –These two straight people would be logical friends for Tina and Blander McForgettable. Unfortunately for Tina, her former sister-in-law wants little to do with them, outside of Angelica’s well-being.
This season, Kit and Angus deal with their own baby issues in the wake of Kit’s unexpected pregnancy. Meanwhile, Angus, the Manny, has yet to buy a razor and probably never will. I can only hope Pam Grier gets more to do this season than be a supportive big sister who occasionally chastises someone with a good zinger like, “You’ve got to be out of your motherf—ing mind!”
Sure, The L Word is a soap opera. But it’s also a relationship drama. These women are a family – not by blood, but by choice. “Chosen family” is a uniquely gay concept, and The L Word is unique in its lesbian portrayal of it. Despite the whack-o girlfriends (paging Tonya) and disturbing hook-ups (manatees, vampires and Betty in a hot tub – ahh, my eyes!), maybe the real point of this show is that the great loves of our lives are, in the end, our friends.
It’s that, or an excuse for really hot girl-on-girl action. Either way, it’s a good time.
The L Word premieres on Sunday, Jan. 7, 2007, at 10 p.m. EST on Showtime. For those of you who want more dirt on what happens in Season 4, click here for bad machine’s Top 10 Season 4 Spoilers.
