“Once Upon A Time” recap (4.17): The Two Idiots


Previously on Once Upon A Time, Snow White and Prince Charming did something still unbeknownst to us that caused Maleficent to lose her baby, Mary Margaret and David kept this factoid from everyone except Regina, Regina went undercover with the Queens of Darkness, and August told Team Charming that The Author is trapped in the drawn door.

We open in the Enchanted Forest a long, long time ago, with Snow White and Prince Charming darting about the woods looking for a unicorn. The plan is, they touch the unicorn’s horn and they can see the future of their child. But the two idiots both grab on and see both projected futures for Emma. David sees a happy bundle of baby and Snow White sees an angry teenager who shoves her hand in Snow White’s chest. Snow says, “But I’m your mother!” and teenage Emma says, “I don’t care.”

OUAT 417-1 Typical teenager behavior, honestly.

Present-day Regina and Emma try to figure out how they’re supposed to get an author out from behind a paper door. They come thiiiiis close to drawing a key, which actually wouldn’t have been the worst idea anyone’s had on this show. Or even in this episode. They start throwing ideas around and are so distracted by each other, it takes Henry a minute to get their attention.

OUAT 417-2 “I forgot he was here.” “Damn, me too.”

When they do look over, Henry tells them there’s something wrong with August. They take him to Mother Superior and says that he’s been affected by so much magic that he’ll have to be strong to come out of this one alive. Even though the rest of them have been under, like, eight curses each in four seasons, but whatever.

Regina says she has to return to the Queens of Darkness (and Gold) with something so Emma produces a fake replica of the page with the door in a heartbeat, because when Regina is near her, she’s stronger. Regina knows Gold will sense it’s a fake right away so she takes a picture with her phone instead. She hugs Henry tight and probably would have hugged Emma too if she wasn’t afraid she’d never let go.

Hook stops by and says Ursula told him the baddies plan on darkening Emma’s heart to turn her into a villain. Emma almost laughs; if that’s their plan, they can all take a nap now, because that’s not going to happen. Hook says you don’t always get to choose the darkness, sometimes the darkness chooses you. But Emma says she’s the master of her own damn fate thank you very much.

OUAT 417-3

Despite being literally two feet from the one person they want to keep their secret from the most, Mary Margaret and David stage whisper about how worried they are that even after everything they did to ensure it didn’t happen, Emma could still go dark. Mary Margaret can’t just sit around and wait, she has to do something. Sure, Emma’s “superpower” of lie detecting wasn’t very strong and sure she’s somehow not hearing them talk about it right in front of her, but she could still find out! And they can’t have that.

Regina goes back to Gold’s cabin and says that “The Savior” put a protection curse on the page so the best she could get them was a picture. My theory on why she never said Emma’s name is because the amount of True Love in the way she said it would have blown all the evildoers back a few paces and blow her cover. Gold takes one look at the picture and knows it’s magical because of the flare but I mean my brother thinks dust orbs in pictures are ghosts so I don’t know why they all just take his word for it. Regina says the Savior won’t let the page out of her sight so gosh darnit I guess they have to find a new evil plan, but Maleficent has plans to take care of the Savior.

OUAT 417-4

Regina absolutely does not like the sound of that.

Hook asks Emma about August because right now feels like a good time to be a jealous boy toy and Emma says that after she fell in love with a girl named Lily when she was a teenager and then pushed her away, she didn’t get close with anyone until she met August. But really he’s like a brother to her, since he’s pretty much a child in her eyes now. Their conversation is interrupted by a wave that almost looks like the Northern Lights. A wave that promptly knocks them out.

Flashback Snow White and Charming are on their way back to their castle when they run into a peddler whose cart is stuck. They help him out and give him a flask of whiskey, and in return he warns them that Maleficent is wreaking havoc, laying eggs and taking names, in the direction they’re headed, and they should probably go into the Infinite Forest, where they will find a kind old man in a cottage that will help them.

The duo finds the cottage easy enough and the sorcerer’s apprentice opens the door to greet them before they even knocked.

In present-day Storybrooke, Maleficent tells Gold she wants to up the deal. Now that it’s just her and Cruella, whose power is to control animals, yet she doesn’t always have a tiger or a wolf by her side, Mal knows her magic is indispensable to Gold’s plan. (Side note: It would have been interesting to see if Cruella would have been able to brainwash Ruby into playing for their team…IF RUBY WAS ANYWHERE TO BE FOUND.)

Maleficent says in exchange for her help, she also now wants to know what happened to her child after the heroes took it, because its fate has been a mystery to her all these years. If he finds out and tells her, she’ll gladly help him get the page and make these so-called “heroes” pay. 

OUAT 417-5“I also bring a killer fashion sense to the team.”

Meanwhile, Mary Margaret is having a bit of an identity crisis because she was under the assumption that she was a good guy but she’s been lying her ass off since the second the Queens of Darkness rolled into Storybrooke. Her panic attack is interrupted when she and David realize everyone else is asleep and they must be immune to the sleeping curse.

In the Charming Loft, Cruella looks upon a sleeping Emma and wants to ring her neck right here and now but Regina is like, “DON’T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT YOU DOGGONE SONOVA what nothing I didn’t say anything I don’t love her what are you talking about it’s just not a good idea okay shut up.”

OUAT 417-6 Zero chill.

Gold realizes the page isn’t in the Loft and also realizes that those who have been under a sleeping curse would be immune and ALSO realizes that this means Henry must be running around Storybrooke with the page. Why wasn’t he this good at knowing things while he was playing for the good guys? Regina tells them all that if anyone hurts a hair on Henry’s head they’ll be fireballed so fast they won’t know what hit them.

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