This week on The Good Wife it’s time for Alicia to take a victory lap, and she starts at the firm, where she’s welcomed to thunderous applause and a office full of gifts (though, as Marissa points out, she can only enjoy presents under $75). Marissa also gives herself the title of executive assistant, because she obviously has been reading Lean In. The old state’s attorney pops by asking that Alicia keep the change smooth by keeping on the old chief deputy. She says thanks but no thanks, and when he further suggests the incoming state’s attorney’s shouldn’t investigate the outgoing one (the shadiest of shady language there) she passes as well.
Cary comes to offer her a congratulatory hug, and then, much more importantly, she gets her congrats call from Kalinda. She’s still playing messenger for Bishop, letting Alicia know he probably wants to talk favors, and Alica is oddly calm, telling her to have him stop by. I guess the political win high is way more potent then the average runner’s high.
Finn, acting as Alicia’s lawyer, escorts her to a room full of lawyers (specifically Cary, Diane, Julius and David Lee) to discuss the terms of buying Alicia out. They’re low-balling her and not budging, so Finn agrees to meet up with them later, after they’ve had some time to come up with a better figure.
For the night’s court case, Diane and Cary are going after the creator of a file sharing website (Wolfmaster? Wor-master? This is my Rural Juror), defending their client whose movie was illegally shared and downloaded widely through the site. The founder holds that his site was created for legal file sharing, but Kalinda shows up with the site’s helpline on speakerphone and chats with an employee who’s happy to help her illegally download American Sniper (obviously Kalinda didn’t pick the movie). As much as I’m going to miss Kalinda next season, she does need a career change if this is the stuff they’re using her for.
Back in Alicia’s office, the creeper sexist homophobe who helped fund her campaign stops in for a visit and a kiss. After telling her his contribution to the gift pile is a chess set made from human teeth (honestly, bigots give the weirdest presents) and revealing his foot fetish (and the fact that Alicia apparently has appealing feet) he asks her to appoint his friend Dean Lumpkin as major deputy. She refuses, and he threatens to use his power against her, and makes some choice racist comments (this dude really likes to spread his hate around) as Bishop makes his appearance.
Bishop asks Alicia to make sure he doesn’t end up in jail now that he’s retiring from the drug trade (I wonder what the pension package is like) and Alicia agrees, if Bishop agrees to testify against his lieutenants. Bishop is not a fan of that plan, and becomes another guy reminding Alicia he gave her a lot of money for her campaign, and she owes him. Alicia does not agree and Bishop is not pleased, showing his displeasure by punching a wall in full view of the glass conference room where Cary and Diane are trying to reach a settlement. Unfortunately, as opposing counsel (Lionel Luther! Good to see he’s still working post Smallville) points out the file for their client’s movie was actually uploaded to the site by a PR firm they hired.
And the parade of angry men keeps coming, as Eli comes in all but breathing fire. He tells Alicia that she shouldn’t be shutting down guys like Redmayne, but instead take a page out of Frasier’s book. A simple “I’m listening” should be enough to appease them without actually doing what they want. She decides to heed Eli’s advice and lets him set up another meeting with Mr. Creeper.
Back with the lawsuit Cary has decided to sue for “trademark tarnishment,” saying that the fact the their client’s movie file appears next to banner adds for hardcore porn on the file sharing site negatively affects the film’s brand. Redmayne returns with Eli, and Alicia proves to be a master of not saying yes while also saying not saying no (and not even being a Taylor Swift fan can save your rep, sir). She repeats the process with the outgoing state’s attorney as well.
Lawsuit time, and opposing counsel is questioning Kalinda’s search habits. She swears under oath she isn’t searching for porn, but unfortunately it turns out the laptop she was using is also often used by Howard, who kind of dodges the porn question. Because ads are targets based on a user’s search history, the opposition points out, only porn viewers would see the porn ads. They take a break to meet with Alicia and Finn, offering to increase their offered figure by $50,000. They scoff, and Alicia tells Finn she thinks the figure is stalling because Cary’s mad at her (for leaving him? that’s actually kind of sweet, as reasons for grudges go). Alicia offers Finn the position of her deputy at the state’s attorney’s office, and he has to think about it, mostly because he probably knows state’s attorneys and their deputies aren’t suppose to have that much sexual tension.
Back at Alicia’s house Grace shows her a website that’s featuring leaked e-mails from her firm, specifically one from Diane to Cary that suggests they string out negotiations with Alicia so much she becomes annoyed enough to accept the first offer.
Turns out the e-mails of the firm are basically a grown-up burn book, and a montage of the lawyers reading each others scathing burns follows (Diane said losing Cary to prison wouldn’t be a total loss, Howard said he and Kalinda had sex, Cary said Diane had a senior moment) and by the time they all gather in the conference room they definitely need someone to trigger the sprinkler system. Their IT guys says all the computers are offline and there will be no e-mail for the time being (but what they really need is some trust fall time). David Lee just really wants everyone to know that he’s not gay and Julius wants everyone to know his hiring wasn’t an affirmative action move. Alicia just gets to kick back and watch the drama since she’s been using her campaign e-mail for the last four months and wasn’t effected by the hack.
Diane calls a smaller meeting in her office with Cary, Julius, Howard, Kalinda and David Lee to air grievances. She tells Kalinda to figure out who’s behind the hack, but before she can start the investigation Diane gets an anonymous e-mail threatening to release two years of e-mails the next day. Cary and Alicia promise each other they won’t read any e-mails from each other from their fighting period (but I’m pretty sure if the camera zoomed in on their backs we’d see some crossed fingers). Eli comes by to yell at her about asking Finn to be her number two, and at this point I think just sticking to sending her angry emojis would really be a time saver.
Kalinda sits down with the IT guy who brings her to a hackers message board that’s chock full of threats to take down the firm, but as he explains, they could just be making empty threats. She does find a message from the founder of Wofmaster, though, that seemed to have started the general call for blood, and back at the negotiating table they promise to stop any further hacking if the firm drops the case.
At Alicia’s a less than enthused Marissa is telling a very interested Grace about her year in Israel (apparently it was hot. Marissa will not be quoted for the birthright brochures). Marissa gives Alicia the rundown on questionable material in her e-mails from the last two years. They include a pregnancy scare, some sexy messages from Will, and confirmation that Alicia and Elfman did have a one night stand.
Alicia convinces the other partners they need to settle, but their client refuses. Eli advices her to do nothing until the e-mails are leaked, but Marissa suggests she apologize to some of the clients she insulted beforehand. She does decide to apologize to Finn for dissing his legal prowess during Cary’s trial, and he quickly accepts the apology (maybe a little too quickly?) Bishop appears and Alicia uses her not yes but not no magic on him, and though he smiles and accepts it seems like he knows something is up.
Kalinda gives a progress report to Diane on her investigation, and while she didn’t find the hacker she did find the Wofman founder downloaded their client’s movie illegally though his own site. They claim they can get him for perjury for saying under oath he had no knowledge of illegal activity through his site, but they still refuse to settle (and he does give a nice little speech about the importance of free code-sharing). It turns out their client just had his company’s e-mails hacked, so he’s ready to settle.
Diane and Cary agree that apologies are in order all around, but when Julius tries to apologize to David Lee, he definitely doesn’t accept. Cary gives Alicia the good news that the world won’t get to see her e-mails, and they’re back to negotiating her buy-out. They’ve lowered their offer, saying they need to money to buy new computers and other electronics after the hack. She offers to consider the offer, following with the icy threat given with a smile, “And I want you all to know, that this offer does not in any way impact my consideration of your criminal cases when I’m state’s attorney.” And mic drop. And when Eli stops by to suggest a very calculated choice for her number two, Alicia throws his soft no line right back at him. And so the student becomes the master.