Dearest Gaysharks, I’m so sorry this recap is late this week! Let’s jump right in.
In preparation for Sectionals, Will is working with the New Warblerections on their dance routine. One of the Warblers objects to Will’s rudimentary choreo, and I have to agree with him. This shit is not going to cut it against Vocal Adrenaline. Also, Skyler (Head Warbler) points out that two members of their club aren’t cutting it dancewise. Spencer jumps to Roderick’s defense, but apparently the “post gay” athlete is also kind of a clod. Skylar asks that they two fellows be shuffled to the back. Ouch. Warbler burns sting.
Kitty reluctantly agrees with the Warblers and asks the guys to take a backseat. Later at the lockers, Spencer and Roderick bond over their lack of dance skills. They decide to ask Kitty to work with them, and make them shuffle ball change until they cry.
Sam, is on a one man crusade to convince Rachel to go to college, even scribbling down lists of famous people who went to college. Rachel must be exhausted, so she wrote her own list of non college graduates. She appreciates Sam’s concern, but she’s way over it so she sings a Roxette song. “Listen to Your Heart” is a favorite of radio personality Delilah, and also Rachel’s ex Jessie St. James. Jessie appears in the auditorium and joins her for a duet, with three key changes. Show offs. Jesse is there to try and convince Rachel to accept the Broadway role, because–surprise! he’s the male lead. He pushed the producers to cast her, and thinks she needs to get the hell out of Lima stat. He wants to “make beautiful music” with her once again, and from the look on Rachel’s face, she’s tempted. While I think that Jesse is a better match for Rachel than Sam, I don’t know why Glee feels the need to make sure that Rachel has at least the potential for a love interest by the end of the series. I want Rachel to learn to love herself.
Back in dance rehearsal, Spencer and Roderick are working hard to catch up with the others. In fact, Spencer is working so hard that he twists his ankle trying to do a turn. They rush him to see Coach Beiste who tells him to take it easy. The only way he’d be able to use that ankle is if he got a cortisone shot in it. While Spencer is on board, Coach Beiste strongly advises against it because it can lead to a worse injury. Spencer’s immediate desire to win, trumps his concern about long term damage. It just got Friday Night Lights up in here.
Kurt finds Rachel to have a heart to heart with her. He lays out some of her options, and encourages her to do what makes her happy. It’s not done in a mansplainy way, but rather that of a best friend who genuinely wants to see his friend succeed. Kurt, I think I’ll miss you most of all.
In the choir room, a bunch of boxes have been delivered. They say they are from GLAAD, which makes Kurt think they are for hosting the trans choir earlier in the season, but it’s all a ruse. Will pushes the box out of Rachel’s hand just before it explodes. The rest of the boxes also detonate, covering the room in more glitter than usual. This has Sue Sylvester written all over it. For the final fuck you, the baby grand explodes in a burst of glitter and wood splinters. Everyone is screaming like they are on the Titanic, except for Mason who squeals with glee, officially cementing him as my favorite newbie.
Will runs off to confront Sue and steps in a pile of Sam’s vomit. In fact, everyone starts puking like it’s 2am on New Years Eve. Not only did Sue glitterbomb the glee club, but she poisoned the water supply with Visine, causing all of McKinley to become violently ill. Oh and she also blew up Will’s car. Can someone arrest her one of these days? To get back at her, Will poses as her stylist and shaves her head. Ok this whole thing was weird and unpleasant.
Speaking of unpleasant, Sue is showing Vocal Adrenaline footage of the Nazi army marching in the McKinley locker room. When Coach Beiste walks in, he’s disgusted and horrified that his “friend” would do such a thing. Also, the VA kids were the ones who vandalized his car. Sue doesn’t seem to care much though, even when Coach Beiste reminds her what the Nazis would have done with him. Ugh, so icky and unnecessary, Sue.
So without much of a transition, it’s sectionals time. We meet the judges, including out comic Fortune Feimster who is a professional dog handler. The first school that performs specializes in falconry, which goes to show that Glee is just someone’s odd fever dream. They sing “Broken Wings” by Mr. Mister because falcons! Sue whispers some threats to Will and Rachel and slithers off before VA can take the stage.