“Rizzoli and Isles” Subtext Recap (5.16): Put on your finest pizza earings

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In the lab, Frankie comes to see Susie and ask about the dueling evidence. One of my greatest wishes is for Susie and Frankie to get together. First, I think they’d be a cute couple. And second, it would keep Susie busy and perhaps she could finally hang up her The Blocker cape. A gal can dream.

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But while I was thinking of portmanteaus for these two – Sizzoli? Frang? Rusie? – the sprinklers go off flooding all of the evidence and generally making a huge mess. Sadly, all of the samples are now contaminated. Even sadder still, Jane and Maura weren’t there to have an impromptu wet T-shirt contest. Missed opportunities hurt the most, people.

The team gets informed that the sprinklers were set off by a fire in the men’s room. Jane screams “Ban men!” and then goes to bathe in a tub of male tears. Kidding, but seriously, have you read any of this Men’s Rights Movement nonsense? Yeah, fetch me my axe.

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Jane goes to investigate what kind of idiot would smoke a cigarette in the men’s room. What she finds is suspicious and suggests someone set the fire on purpose. So next she explains the situation to Det. Murder, He Wrote. He is angry and insulting, so Jane spills a coffee on him for good measure. Hey, if you’re going to be a misandrist, do it right.

It was all a ploy, of course, to get Det. Murder, He Wrote’s voice on tape for the victim’s kid to listen to. He confirms it was the man who threatened his father, so they dig deeper. The victim was a former camp mate who used to tease him about wetting the bed. So much for it gets better.

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Maura warned them that he must have repressed his anger at that, and later being spanked in front of everyone by his stepfather, and now could be out for revenge. Yes, yes, childhood trauma is very traumatic. Let’s just find him and get this plot thing over with, please.

Jane and the Ponytail of Righteous Justice find him just in time while he has his stepdad at gunpoint. Though the stepfather isn’t too grateful for their help and calls Det. Murder, He Wrote a pussy. Yeah, he seems like exactly the kind of guy who would join the Men’s Rights Movement. Jane knows it, too, because after she disarms the detective, she tells the stepdad to shut up or she’ll shoot him herself. Korsak agrees because misandry isn’t real.

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The case seems closed and I’m ready for my Adorable Bickersons time, but dammit, there is one more loose end to tie up. The victim’s son has come to visit and ask her if he is to blame for his father’s murder because he did not speak up sooner. Jane leans over tenderly and tells him nothing was his fault, but he did help them catch the man who was responsible. It’s very sweet, except for the part where the kid tries to snag Frost’s action figure. Fine, he doesn’t really try to steal it. And it was nice of them to tip their hat to Lee Thompson Young again.

So, finally, it’s BGE time. Jane walks into Maura’s place, without knocking so we know things are back to normal. She has hot pizza and hot-off-the-presses arrest paperwork on Not Maura with her. Basically, she’s the best girlfriend ever. Not Maura is already in custody and thanks to Mama R’s ability to use an iPhone camera they were able to charge her with an even more serious felony.

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Maura asks what, and Jane says, “Making my girlfriend question her life’s work.” Again, just barely paraphrasing here, people. Maura rewards her with some quickie eye sex and then they agree that their next role playing will be Jane as herself and Maura as a ne’er do well con woman she is chasing.

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They accessorize Jane’s pizza with Not Maura’s fine French wine and get busy doing just that.

So now it’s time to put on your pizza earrings and let’s read the #Gayzzoli tweets of the week.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More by Ms. Snarker: @dorothysnarker or dorothysurrenders.com.

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