I’ll be honest with you, dear readers. I’m in a quandary. Glee is possibly the most inconsistent show ever, and I find it difficult to hold back the snark when an episode like “The Rise and Fall of Sue Sylvester” happens so soon after “A Wedding.” How can such a solid, heartwarming, well-written episode so quickly be followed by something so…lackluster and off the rails as this week’s episode? I guess this is a question I’ve been thinking about for a long time, but with only two episodes left of Glee, I can’t help but dwell on it. I know I promised to see Glee in a new light during its final season, and I think for the most part I have. Some have told me my criticism wasn’t biting enough, but I really have tried to turn over a new leaf. The only problem is the show hasn’t.
Last week, Glee really wanted us to become invested in the newbies, and we kind of did. This week, however, we really don’t get to cash in on that investment. This week is all about Sue and Schue, which I’m pretty sure was the opposite of what most fans have been clamoring for. At least the episode kicks off with Jane leading the New Directions in a solid version of “Rather Be” by Clean Bandit. Their chemistry is improving, as is their dancing, and Will gleefully watches their progress from the auditorium seats. He’s so happy, he barely notices when Kurt and Blaine glumly walk into the theatre. Apparently Dalton Academy, which has been standing for something like 200 plus years, burned to the ground and is nothing more than charred mahogany and the ashes of so many blue blazers. Blaine is out of a job and the Warblers are without a home.
Dalton’s loss turns out to be the New Directions’ gain, because the Warblers need somewhere to warble and the glee club needs to fill their ranks. Everyone seems to take the news fairly well, except Sue. When she finds out that Will went over her head and directly to the Superintendent, she once again vows to ruin him. Yeah, yeah. We know.
The only person more upset about the Warblers is Becky Jackson. With her boyfriend in tow, she angrily confronts Sue about trying to block the Warblers from transferring over to McKinley. For some reason, of all the terrible things Sue has done over the years, this is the straw that breaks Becky’s back. Like any college student, she’s had a chance to grow now that she’s left the nest, and Becky’s heart just can’t take Sue’s machinations anymore. Becky breaks off her friendship with Sue, and Sue tries to blame Becky’s fellow, but this is all on Sue Sylvester.
Meanwhile in New York, Rachel has decided that NYADA is where she needs to be, so she plans to beg Carmen Tibideaux for forgiveness and a chance to be a student once more. Yeah, I was surprised too. Anyway, Madame Tibideaux agrees to see Rachel, but her assistant warns Miss Berry that Tibideaux is been planning to give her hell, so have fun.
Sue puts on her best face for a meeting with Superintendent Harris, and is surprised to see Will sitting in his office as well. Will is pretty clueless as to why they’ve both been summoned but Harris gets right down to business. He knows about the Hurt Locker. In fact, he’s seen it with his own eyes. All the crazy collages and pictures with the eyeballs scratched out, the wall of Klaine, and even a mini replica of his nephew Myron. There is also apparently a Penthouse spread, which Harris seems overly focused on. After everything Sue has done, the Hurt Locker is her downfall. He tells he can’t allow her to be near any young people, and terminates her right then and there. She’s gobsmacked.
Sue goes straight to Geraldo Rivera to attempt to clear her name. Instead of helping her, Geraldo just helps seal her fate. He and his “fact checkers” prove that all the the crazy, amazing stories Sue has been telling us for six years haven’t been true. She wasn’t the tambourine player in Wilson Phillips, she’s not a national hero, and most crushing of all, Michael Bolton is not the father of her child. The singer goes on the record to tell the world that he doesn’t even know her. For some reason, this expose really just made me sad. There was something about all these tall tales, these ridiculous stories that I sort of hoped were true. Wouldn’t that have just been amazing? But sitting there, watching Sue reduced to some pathetic, unbalanced, pathological liar, was just…sad. She’s a monster, but she’s our monster. Her fall from grace brings me no joy.
The former New Directions (including Joe!) appear on the show to tell the world how Sue was awful to them. Worst of all, it turns out Becky Jackson is the one who has exposed Sue. Knowing that her one and only friend has betrayed her, just breaks her leathery heart.
Sue’s one saving grace is Coach Sheldon Beiste, who stands up for Sue and isn’t ashamed to do so. He even tells them to ditch the dark lighting and vocal disguise. Sue stood tall for him, and he’ll do the same for her.
You would think that might turn the tide, but there’s more. Geraldo also interviews Sue’s mom Doris (TV legend Carol Burnett), who explains that Sue was a bitey, scary, little tyrant of a child and frankly, she and Sue’s father just wanted to avoid her. She tells Geraldo that Sue was the “daughter she just couldn’t love.” Oh man, that’s fucking harsh. Sue Sylvester may deserve to get canned, but to hear that her own mother doesn’t love her? Well, that’s beyond cruel. So, what does Sue do? She punches Geraldo right in the face.
She leaves right before Will’s section comes on where he defends her, in spite of all the times she’s tried to destroy him. As far as she knows, he’s in on this whole thing.
Doris finds Sue wallowing in the auditorium and tries to explain how the two of them simply never understood each other. Sue admits to being a difficult child, and her mother in turn admits that she is sorry that she didn’t work harder to understand her challenging daughter. They have a moment, and decide that singing a classic Judy Garland tune will be the balm for their sorrows. They burst into “The Trolley Song” from Meet Me in St. Louis which most certainly secured the teen demographic. I’m a firm believe that Judy Garland (and in a pinch, Liza) solves most issues.
When Rachel gets back from New York, she’s surprisingly upbeat. Madame Tibideaux didn’t let her back into NYADA yet, but Rachel feels confident that she will. Mercedes cautions Rachel against getting her hopes too high, but Rachel is the eternal optimist. Rachel’s phone rings with a New York number, and it turns out to be the producer from the Broadway show she recently auditioned for. Rachel actually says she forgot about it which I don’t believe for one second. Shenanigans! Anyway, she got the part and within two seconds, she’s tossing NYADA out the window again. Sam expresses concern about Rachel not going to college, but she’s already running off to share the news with Kurt. On one hand, I get why Sam is concerned about Rachel not going to college. It is important. On the other hand, stop being just one more dude telling Rachel what to do.
In glee practice, Schue is teaching some new choreography which the Warblers complain is too simply, while some of the newbies struggle. The two glee clubs stand divided over dance moved and blazers, which the Warblers have refused to remove even as the school is a smoldering rock pile. The lead Warbler, who’s name I refuse to learn, insists that the blazers make them sex symbols. Grumble. Kitty’s face perfectly surmises how ridic that is.
Rachel suggests the good old McKinley uniform of tees and Converse, but the Warblers bristle. When Will tells them that the blazers have to go bye bye, but the Warblers are holding tight to the only thing left from the school and traditions they loved so dearly. Coach Beiste interrupts the meeting to let everyone know what we all knew was coming. Sue is the new coach of Vocal Adrenaline. Of course she is! Because the world is mad. Excuse me for a moment. (Guttural scream.)
OK, it does make sense, in a way. Sue hates the New Directions. Vocal Adrenaline hates the New Directions. They are both incredibly unpleasant. I take it all back-this is perfect. Sue puts them through a five hour rehearsal from hell and guess what? They love it and welcome her with open arms.
While Rachel has a mini meltdown about how to costume the expanded glee club, Sam wants to talk about Rachel going back to school. Just as Rachel tells him it was so pathetic to cling to the idea of getting back into NYADA, she gets a call, welcoming her back. Sam gets excited for her, but Rachel calmly tells him that she’s not going back. She wants to win, and go back to the life she left in New York, not have to humble herself. OK, Rachel, you don’t have to go back to school, but PLEASE try to learn one thing from this experience.
When Sam expresses to Will his concerns about Rachel not going back to school, Will tells him that Rachel can handle herself, and if she needs some mansplaining, she knows to come to anyway. Don’t send a boy to do a condescending man’s job. Their talk is interrupted by the sound of a pipe organ blaring in the auditorium. Sue has magically learned to play the complicated instrument, and Will attempts to tell her that he actually stood up for her. She challenges him to a weird duet/duel of “The Final Countdown” by Europe.
It’s all in their minds so they just look like crazy people, thrashing at invisible guitars. Later on, Will is rightfully embarrassed as Blaine confronts him about the awkward battle. They have bigger fish to fry now because in typically Glee fashion, if they don’t win sectionals, then all music and arts programs will be destroyed. I mean, eliminated. Has any other choir ever had to deal with such high stakes? Kurt takes it in stride and just chocks it up to one more fight they have to win. Oh and they have figured out a solution to the costume problem. NEW BLAZERS. Just like the old ones, but in red. The new, more solid group sings a song called “Rise,” which is an original by Darren Criss. It’s sweet and uplifting and we should be moved. But are we? My heart felt like a stone throughout the episode and I found myself wondering why the last few episodes had to be so disjointed. With only two left, there is a lot of ground to cover, and I’m crossing my fingers so hard I have blisters, that they do the characters and fans justice.
