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“Grey’s Anatomy” recap (11.14): We can be heroes

Alright, GreysGays, this episode is going to be a roller coaster of feels, so let’s get prepared. Stand with your feet shoulder width apart, your hands on your hips, and your head held high. Do you feel it? Do you feel that power and confidence flowing through you? Good, now let’s begin.

We start a little further back than we ended last week, with Amelia looking at Herman’s scans, knowing that the tumor is now entering the optic chiasm. Yet this time, we get to see how Amelia dealt with the news. Amelia’s voiceover tells us that in order to be a successful brain surgeon, you have to be willing to take risks. To try the impossible and be prepared to lose, but never fail. Amelia is fully aware that what she is about to do has a much higher chance of failure, but if she lets herself get mired in those odds, she’ll never be truly great. Owen approaches her to let her know that word of the surgery is out and the gallery will be full. She tells Owen to kindly leave her be so she can prep alone, so peace out, Chief. When he does, she walks into the bathroom, checks all the stalls to make sure she’s alone, and loses her shit for a moment. She stares at herself in the mirror, then gives herself a pep talk. “We are doing this, OK?”

We watch Amelia in the scrub room as she watches Arizona comfort Herman before surgery. Steph comes in to scrub in and finds Amelia standing with her fists on her hips, staring off into space. When Steph inquires about Amelia’s odd pose, Amelia tells her that she’s being a superhero. There was a study that shows standing like a superhero, can actually make you feel like one. Steph shrugs like, what the hell, and strikes a pose, too. It’s pretty amazing when you think about it. We put our lives in the hands of these human doctors, and pray that they do have at least a little sliver of superhero in them. I’ll take a cocky doc, standing like Wonder Woman, any day.

Meanwhile, Arizona, as stressed and nervous as she is for Herman, has to operate on Glenda Castillo’s baby. She and Bailey scrub in, all the while, Bailey asks where Herman is. Where Herman is, is on an operating table, in front of dozens of doctors, getting the first cut into her skull. Meredith and Maggie sit next to one another in the gallery, and Maggie tells her sister that she doesn’t get the appeal of watching a surgery. Meredith explains that it’s a real rush. She even brought snacks. Meredith gets really excited when it’s glo-time. Amelia injects a phosphorescent dye into the tumor, that will cause it to glow, and make it easier to see where the tumor ends and healthy tissue begins. It’s kind of like having a rave in your head! We see right away that a large portion of the top of Herman’s brain is glowing. That tumor is indeed massive monster.

In Arizona’s OR, things are not going as smoothly. She’s nervous, and Herman’s voice keeps yelling at her in her mind. Maybe she isn’t cut out for this. Maybe she doesn’t know what she’s doing, and Herman wasted all this time trying to teach her for nothing. When Bailey interrupts Herman’s yelling to yell at Arizona herself, she calls Arizona “half a fetal surgeon.” Somehow, being called out by Bailey, makes her even more resolute. Perhaps Herman has also conditioned her to thrive in the face of doubt.

In the ER, Jo is stuck working the PIT, while everyone gets to watch Amelia’s surgery. Callie confronts Owen about canceling one of her surgeries, but he did it because they needed the OR for Herman. Callie’s face drops, and you know that she’s thinking about Arizona in that moment.

In Amelia’s OR, she asks Steph who will be subbing in for her during the extremely long surgery. She asks Amelia who her sub is, and when she admits she doesn’t have one, Steph vows to stick it out. too. These two make a great team, and Steph is already learning a lot from her new mentor.

While Arizona is trying to decide what to do next, she has to force herself to focus. Bailey keeps suggesting other options, including bringing Karev in to deliver the baby. The fetus is not yet viable and would not survive outside of the womb, so Arizona makes the first cut, even as self doubt hovers nearby.

Steph narrates the surgery, so those in the gallery know what Amelia is doing. Amelia works on the section of the brain that is connected to smell, cutting out bits of tumor, while trying to keep that area safe and intact. Callie comes in, asking where Arizona is, and gets shushed by the other gallery gawkers. When Callie tells everyone to chill, that it’s not to ballet, Richard goes all poetic Richard-like and compares it to a dance. There’s a random doctor that keeps leaning over, asking Meredith what’s happening. That doctor is us. Meredith explains and answers questions, since I’m guessing a majority of Grey’s viewers are not brain surgeons. When Steph sees Amelia getting tense, she tries making a joke to lighten the mood. However, Amelia is in no mood to joke. In fact, she’s in complete panic mode. She’s run into a problem she can’t think her way out of, and she’s trapped. Richard watches her stand frozen and realizes something is wrong, so he suits up and heads down to the OR. He offers to be Amelia’s sounding board, and someone to talk through any issues. Amelia tells him that she’s lost, and what she really needs is for Richard to call Derek, get him on a plane right away, and get him into the OR. She confesses that she’s made a huge mistake, and Herman will suffer for it if she doesn’t get her brother’s help.

Also struggling, is Arizona. She continues to perform the procedure on the fetus, all the while Bailey continues to berate her. Karev arrives to deliver, but Arizona isn’t giving up. She barks right back at Bailey, telling her to shut it. Either Bailey gets on board or she gets out, but this surgery is happening. Bailey becomes quiet and helps, while you can practically see the smirk under Karev’s mask. Arizona removes the fetal tumor, but the fetus has no pulse, she she does tiny compressions on the tiny baby’s tiny chest. Bailey holds the baby in her hands, awestruck.

If there is one thing Richard knows how to do better than anyone, it’s talk someone off a ledge. He tells Amelia that Derek is no better than she is, and in fact, if Derek did come, he wouldn’t make it any better. She’s the one with the plan. She’s the one with her heart and hopes on the line. He reminds her of her greatness, and that she doesn’t need anyone’s help, She’s got this. With that, Amelia gets a boost in her superpowers. Kryptonite be damned, she’s going to defeat this villain. Amelia figures out her next move and checks with Steph to make sure she can continue on. Once Steph gives her the ok, they turn the intercom back on and continue.

Arizona continues chest compressions on the baby and thankfully, its heart rate picks up and they all breathe a sigh of relief. Now all that’s left is to put the little guy back in the womb, so he has time to grow and thrive. Bailey is utterly moved by the experience. Arizona tells her that being able to do this kind of surgery is a true privilege. After surgery, Glenda and baby are doing well, and Bailey is impressed with Arizona. Karev promises that he wasn’t there to interfere or fight her. He tells her that Herman made the right choice in passing the torch to Arizona. Arizona bristles at this, because she’s not ready to think about Herman not being around.

As the hours tick by, the galley for Amelia’s surgery thins out. Suddenly, there is a lightness in Amelia. “I think I cleared the optic nerve,” she declares, which gets her laughing. She tells all non essential staff to leave, because now it’s time to insert the radioactive seeds. Amelia checks in with Steph, who promptly passes out from exhaustion. Well, looks like Amelia needs a new second. Richard asks Meredith to step in and assist. The seeds will kill whatever is left of the tumor, but because Herman’s brain tissue has moved around, Amelia’s brain map is all wrong. So basically, she’s going in blind. They only have a limited time to implant the seeds or risk radioactive exposure, and the big, thick gloves Amelia is using aren’t cutting it. So, what’s a superhero to do when faced with impossible odds? Go in all the way. Amelia removes the gloves and inserts the seeds with just her latex ones, which is the ballsiest, stupidest, bravest thing that’s happened since Meredith held on to a bomb. In other words, she’s a goddamn superhero.

Arizona heads to the lounge that she and Herman spent to much time in together, and removes Glenda’s card from the board. She remembers a conversation where Herman told her that she made the right choice in Arizona, while the two of them sat laughing and eating ice cream. Arizona has a moment to stop and think about the gravity of it all, and what an honor it is that Herman believed in her. Callie comes by to check on Arizona and let her know that there is still time to watch from the gallery. Arizona starts to break down, allowing herself to be vulnerable once again in front of the person who has seen her at her best and her worst. Callie sits down with Arizona and just listens. Arizona tells her that Herman, and the knowledge she imparted are in her head now, but she can’t deal with the thought that that is the only place they might exist. Callie simply takes Arizona’s hand, and lets Arizona lean her head on her shoulder. When your heart has been connected to someone else’s for so long, those ties don’t just disappear. Callie’s heart hurts for Arizona, because they are still, and will always be entangled. The fact that Callie came their with no agenda, and only love and concern in her heart for Arizona, says something about their bond.

When Owen finds out that Amelia has thrown her gloves aside, he yells at her over the intercom to put them back on. She of course refuses and places the last seeds exactly where she wants them. She finishes just within the window of exposure, and announces it’s time to close.

Steph wakes up with a start to find herself on a gurney in the hallway. Richard congratulates her on making it for thirteen hours. When he tells her they are still in surgery, she takes off down the hallway. She makes it just in time for closing, and Amelia welcomes her back in. She warns her not to leave a nasty scar, or she’ll have to deal with Herman. Amelia finally walks out of the OR, and collapses into a heap of tears on the hallway floor. Amelia did it.

However, as the days go by, Herman remains in a coma and unresponsive, with tubes everywhere. It’s shocking to see such an imposing figure look so small and helpless. Arizona stops by, as do many of the other docs, but nothing changes.

Glenda on the other hand is ready to go home. She and her baby are doing well, and as Bailey is about to wheel her out, she asks about Dr. Herman’s condition. Arizona and Bailey look down, as the news isn’t good. Amelia keeps watching and re-watching the surgery, trying to figure out what went wrong. “Why isn’t she awake?” she asks herself if she did everything right. It is actually Steph that finds the answer. Herman had a small stroke, so it’s not that anything went wrong in surgery.

Callie once again comforts Arizona about Herman, because now Arizona has to make the difficult decisions that Herman laid in her hands. Arizona knows that Callie had to make the same call when it came to Mark, and for Arizona, Herman is the closest thing to a best friend she’s had in years. So Callie gets it when Arizona struggles to make that call, even if it was what Herman wanted. She tells Arizona, that she is not alone in this. This is so undeniably true for these two. They are co-parents, and will always have a place in each others lives no matter what happens. Slowly but surely, they are finding a new way to love and respect each other.

Suddenly and happily, Herman’s eyes flutter and she begins to gag on her breathing tube. The docs rush to assist her and she’s aware enough to fuck with them a little. Good ol’ Herman is back! Her motor functions are in tact, and she’s more than lucid. She’s sharp as a tack. She tells the weepy docs that there is no crying in brain surgery, and brushes Amelia aside when she shines a light in her eyes. Amelia doesn’t look happy, but leaves when Herman requests some alone time with Arizona. She first asks how Glenda is. However, Arizona is much more concerned with the fact that it appears Herman can no longer see. Herman confirms that she is completely blind, which makes Arizona start to cry. Herman assures Arizona that it’s going to take some getting used to, and time, and man is it going to suck for a while, but here’s the deal: She gets to live, and she will find a way.

She credits Arizona’s stubborn insistence for saving her life, and offers Arizona her hand to hold. I don’t know what this means for Herman’s storyline or if she will be a significant part of the story in the future, but damn it all if Grey’s isn’t better for having her. It gave Arizona a chance to grow as a character, away from all the drama of her relationship with Callie. She feels so much more fleshed out as a character, which I for one am grateful for. Arizona had to fight for herself finally, and she’s come out a better character for it.

Back in Amelia’s office, Steph looks crestfallen about Herman’s loss of sight. They were so close, she tells Amelia. But Amelia knows that the surgery was indeed a success. It was the tumor that took Herman’s sight, not the surgery. Amelia tells her mentee that “death can screw himself” because they won. They need to let themselves revel in this high. They have done the impossible. They are flying now. “Mere mortals cannot do that,” Amelia declares with a smile. “Only superheroes.” Good god, that is inspiring. Amelia’s arc this season has been spectacular. No longer Derek’s little sister, or the “other Shepherd,” or a recovering addict. She’s Superdoc.

Here are our favorite #GreysGays tweets from “The Distance.”

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