“Match Made in Heaven” has a femme lesbian looking to meet a man


Full disclosure: I have never seen an episode of The Bachelor, or The Bachelorette, for that matter. I know many queer women who are fans of the franchise, but I’ve always been more into the Vh1-style dating shows like Rock of Love, Flavor of Love and I Love New York. (Best believe I hate-watched the shit out of A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.) Therefore, I feel like I know the genre well enough to say that WE’s Match Made in Heaven is a mix of all of the above, but with a preacher added in for some bonus bible-talk.

At this point you might be wondering why the hell I’m talking about yet another  dating show where a bunch of women are vying for the heart of a man they just met and barely know. Valid. But on Match Made in Heaven, one of the show’s contenders is Nes, a woman who considers herself a virgin because she’s never slept with a man. That’s right: She’s only had sexual and romantic relationships with women, and this reality show sounded like the place to go explore the same with a man.


The man in question is a business owner named Shawn. (Take notes, The Bachelor. Non-white guys can also be lusted after by a gaggle of gold diggers!)  Nes immediately finds that one of her competitors is her kind of girl: Alexandria. They share secrets and champagne in the hot tub together, but Nes is careful not to let anyone know she’s interested in women. She doesn’t want it to be used against her, as she’s considering Shawn as husband-material. 


it doesn’t take much for us to do this shxt quietly .. I mean ..

A video posted by Nés Mari (@queennesertiti) on



Because Shawn is also guided by a preacher on the show, things like “morals” are supposedly important to him, and the fact that Nes is a “virgin” is very appealing to him. When they go on a one-on-one date, things go well enough, and Nes seems to think he’s an OK guy.


But on this week’s episode, when Alexandria gets her alone time with Shawn, it’s a different story. Nes is upset and takes a bite of “the apple,” aka a temptation challenge that can sometimes have consequences for the woman who chooses to participate. It was worth it to her, though, as biting into the apple meant a camera could fly down to the date by drone and the women back at the house could watch every single moment of Alexandria’s date. 

“They don’t need to be together at all. They don’t need to be mixing at all,” Nes says, pointing out she wants to be with Alex (first) and also Shawn (noticeably second), so she is ready for that date to end.

During a date with one of the other women this week, Shawn had the chance to ask questions he wanted to know the answers to. You know, important things like “Have you ever had a threesome” and “Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?” Unfortunately, he didn’t get the answer to the latter, as he had to get a hockey puck into the goal to hear it, and he missed. But the threesome thing? He got his answer, so it also kind of answered the other one, too. (Yes, and it was a birthday present situation.)

It’s hard to say if Nes’s being with women would cause Shawn to eliminate her, but if he catches on to her feelings for Alex, it’s a good bet he might think she’s not exactly there to win his heart. And I can’t help but feel like the casting department purposely chose a “lesbian virgin” to enter a house with a Preacher full of proverbs as fodder for good TV, and Nes (who appears to be milking her appearance on reality television) might be in on the joke.

In an interview with The Fab Femme, Nes discussed knowing she was into women since a young age, and that while she’s been “physically attracted” to men, she’s never been “sexually” attracted to them.

“I just want to let everyone know that I’m just out here living. Experiencing. I am not confused. I’m actually very strong in who I am. Being a femme is not a game to me. I am who I am. Try not to judge by what you see on TV. ITS JUST TV!! If you want to see a femme tossed into heterosexual dating, watch the show. Just trust me.”

So is Nes really looking for love with Shawn? Probably not. But it does sound like she still plans on eventually marrying a man.

“I am saving my actual ‘virginity’ for marriage. With women, it’s not as invasive. I don’t get penetrated. No fingers,  no toys. You can’t really carry out a relationship with a man when there’s no sex involved these days. So, for me to date a man, he would have to understand that. “

But Nes does not identify as bisexual (“Bisexual literally mean having sex with two different genders. I have only had sex with one, females. So, I don’t think that applies to me.”). She totally has the right to identify how she desires, but her presence on a show that likens finding a good woman to being the most Godly one of the bunch might end up making use of her in a way that makes queer women look like snakes in the garden of Eden.

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