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“Grey’s Anatomy” recap (11.13): Time to Go

Listen up everyone, a 10 is talking. Not me, Dr. Herman! Hearing Geena Davis‘ voice at the top of the show filled me with both excitement and dread because we all know, when anyone other than Meredith narrates an episode, it’s a game changer. (Please don’t die!!!)

Herman talks about questions and how she hates questions that have no answers. As Dr. Herman lies in bed, brushes her teeth, and goes about her day, the question of her mortality hangs heavy in the air. A gigantic question which she doesn’t have an answer to. Arizona bounces in all cheery-like. (She’s more like the old Arizona everyday.) She’s there to give Herman their schedule of surgeries, and remind Herman of her weekly MRI. Oh joy. Also, Herman snores.

Dr. Herman lays in the MRI machine while Arizona continues to cheerfully prattle on about their day , Owen brings Amelia coffee and asks her about her upcoming masterclass. This simple act sends the brain surgeon into a tizzy, where she tries to express that she’s too busy with her tumor to date and what not. Owen looks at her, utterly confused, and she finally calms down and thanks him for the thoughtful gesture.

Afterwards, Amelia tells Herman that her tumor is stable for the time being, and she’s got about six weeks before it becomes impossible to work with. If Herman gets the laser therapy, it could buy them another two weeks. Herman is staunchly against it. Before Amelia can really argue with her, Bailey sails down the hallway to confront Herman about a patient named Glenda Castillo. Herman refuses to see her because Glenda’s baby has a malady that she and Arizona have already worked with, thus making it redundant for her studies. She only has time for new operations. We all know that Bailey isn’t about to give up.

Arizona and Dr. Herman tick off three more surgeries, and Herman informs Arizona that she will be performing the next surgery on her own. Arizona begins to panic, but Herman needs to see what Arizona has learned. It’s also time for Herman’s radiation therapy, which she reluctantly agrees to.

In the hospital’s auditorium, Amelia is holding court. She opens her masterclass talking about how life is a tenacious creature. It always finds a way. Like Herman’s tumor for example. It’s adapting and struggling to live. She compares it to a growing fetus, a fat cheeked baby. Her speech is the most poetic thing anyone has ever said about a tumor. Jo and Stephanie stare at her in awe from the audience. How can you blame them? Amelia is a warrior, watching her enemy with cautious respect from the other side of the battle ground, all the while, sharpening her sword.

At the same time, another warrior, Dr. Herman, undergoes radiation. She is suited up with the headpiece that looks not unlike armor as she steels herself for what is next. She reaches out and grabs Arizona’s hand, reminding us that everyone is scared to face their enemy, even if that enemy is a fat cheeked baby tumor.

A week later, not much has changed. Amelia is still lecturing, fetal surgeries are still happening, but now Herman is beginning to lose her hair from the radiation treatments. Amelia tells the lecture hall that the tumor has made its home among the patient’s brain tissue, invading and conquering all the healthy tissue that gets in its way. So, how is she going to remove it without destroying the brain? “How do you kill the baby without killing the mother?” she asks. She tells them that you have to be sure, and that the first cut determines the path of the surgery. Her face gives away just a hint of her own insecurity. Can she really do this?

Amelia confronts Herman about missing her radiation treatment that day, and Herman explains that she’s done subjecting herself to it. Amelia reminds her that hello, she’s the brain surgeon here. She knows what’s best. Radiation will help shrink the tumor’s borders, making it a tiny bit easier to work with. Herman doesn’t think that tiny bit is worth the treatments, so she quits.

In the OR, it’s finally Arizona’s turn to go solo. Arizona begins under Herman’s watchful eye.

In the cafeteria, Arizona and Herman are lunching and laughing, which is apparently a thing now; a thing that Callie can’t help but notice. She watches as Arizona throws her head back laughing, looking vibrant and happy. Yes, happy. Karev asks her why she even cares, but it would be weird if Callie didn’t notice. They may be broken up, but that doesn’t mean that all emotional ties have been cut. Callie’s a little jealous, especially when she finds out the Arizona has been spending the night in the hospital with Herman.

She comments that Arizona gets to have all the benefits of a relationship, without the drama. Or the sex. Or the grooming. Karev suggests they all get laid, and Maggie thinks that sounds like a grand idea. Meredith agrees, but she’s on Team Wax That Shiz. Maggie on the other hand, thinks her hypothetical lay could get over it. “It’s in there, he can find it. What, he can’t do a little work for it?” Amelia slides over and asks Meredith to ask Derek his suggestion for a particular procedure, then quickly backtracks. She doesn’t want to rely on Derek’s advice, or have to deal with his smug face. Bailey confronts Arizona when Herman isn’t around to give her more background of Glenda Castillo. Glenda’s husband Eddie died in Bailey’s OR after a severe car accident a few months prior, and when Glenda was in distress, she came to Bailey. The baby has a large tumor, and Bailey feels a responsibility to help them.

Bailey’s plan works and she and Arizona basically trick Herman into having a consult with Glenda. While in front of the patient, Herman is very professional, but in the hallway, she is livid. She yells at Bailey for wasting her time, and Arizona for lying to her. She tells Arizona that Bailey played her, hitting her in her soft and gooey nature. Bailey defends Arizona and reminds Herman that she’ll tell anyone who will listen that she’s the best, so prove it. This tactic doesn’t work on Herman either. Arizona follows after Herman, and asks if they can “adjust the plan.” Herman says fine, and brings her to the board of surgeries. She tells her to pick a baby who will have to forgo treatment so that Glenda’s baby can have surgery. She can’t, proving Herman right.

Another week goes by, more surgeries, more radiation, more everything. While in treatment, Herman starts to freak out and stops the radiation session midway through. Afterwards, she explains to Amelia that she doesn’t want to spend the few months she has left feeling so sick. She’s officially done with radiation. Amelia stares her down telling her that she’s going to save her life, not just give her a few months back, and she’s furious that Herman doesn’t seem to care.

That day in Amelia’s masterclass, there’s hardly a seat left empty. Richard comments to Owen how other hospitals want in and word is spreading about Amelia’s daring and brilliant plans. Owen, always the Eeyore, wonders what will happen if it fails. Richard tells him it won’t, but if it did, it’s still a learning opportunity. A visibly frustrated Amelia explains that the course of radiation she prescribed for Dr. Herman has proved challenging, and now she must find another way. However, she won’t let this tumor intimidate her. She needs to see this tumor, all of its fat baby-cheeked glory, so she can figure out how to bring it down. At the same time, Arizona and Herman work on a patient.

Dr. Herman and Arizona are called into a patient’s room where both the mother and her unborn child are in distress. Maggie hasn’t been able to get a fetal heartbeat, and they have to perform a C-section right there in the room. Arizona freezes as she’s never done this type of procedure. When she can’t make the first cut, Herman sees her panic, and kindly takes over. Afterwards, Arizona has to deliver the news to the mother that the baby didn’t make it. When she and Herman are alone, all of the pent up emotions start pouring out of Arizona and she bursts into tears. Herman yells at her to stop. It’s not in the old Herman, annoyed way, but more in the, “If you cry then I’ll cry” way. A spot has now opened up on their surgical board, and Herman places Glenda’s card on the grid.

One more week later and there are only a handful of fetal surgeries left on the board. In Amelia’s lecture, she discusses the part of the brain that allows us to hope and dream. It is the thing that makes us uniquely us. It’s called the fornix, but since Amelia is Amelia, she calls that mother scratcher, the Dream Box. So asks what happens when a tumor invades this “Dream Box.”

Herman and Arizona lie on the grass together, talking about heaven and what they used to imagine it being like when they were children. While Arizona is talking, Herman interrupts to tell her that she wants to be cremated, thus bringing really crashing down on their whimsical little moment. She also tells Arizona that if she doesn’t come out of unconsciousness, to give her only a week before taking her off life support. Same thing if she wakes but cannot function. Arizona doesn’t want to hear it, but this is Herman’s reality.

Next on the docket is Glenda and her baby. The fetus is retaining water so Herman calls for surgery that day. Glenda is scared because the baby is still too little. She begs Herman to let the baby have a few more weeks to grown before surgery, even if that means putting her own life in harm’s way. Outside the room, Herman is indignant that Glenda is arguing with her about treatment. I mean, she’s the doctor, right? She knows best. This causes Arizona to chuckle, and explains that this is exactly what Herman has been doing to Amelia. Herman agrees to give Glenda one more week, and she and Arizona have a good laugh at Herman’s expense. Then they get drunk together. Yes!

Amelia stands starring at scans upon scans of Herman’s tumor, with her arms raised to the heavens, mumbling to herself. Stephanie watches this genius at work, offering get her food, or whatever she needs. When Steph asks is Amelia has contacted Derek, it brings Amelia back to reality. When Steph keeps pushing the Derek thing, Amelia lashes out, calling Steph an idiot and screaming that she doesn’t need her brother. Almost immediately, Amelia realizes she was too harsh, but Steph isn’t about to let it go. She cautions Amelia not to call her names, and to stand up and be the mentor she’s supposed to be, the mentor Steph knows she can be. Otherwise, you know, fuck off.

Feeling a nice vodka buzz, Arizona and Herman burn the plastic radiation mask on a Bunsen burner, all the while, laughing as it melts.

Another week passes and now the strain of the treatments and her illness are really taking their toll on Herman.

The next morning, Arizona is visiting with Sofia (!!!!) who I’m pretty sure is a tween by now. Callie spies her though the glass and stops her ex on the way out. Their conversation is awkward, but not tense. Callie asks Arizona how she is, and then brings up her newly close relationship with Herman. Arizona tries to figure out what Callie is getting at, as do I, but I’m not even sure if Callie knows why the words are coming out of her mouth. Maybe she’s worried that Arizona will be crushed if Herman doesn’t make it, or maybe she’s just really bad at covering up her jealously that Arizona is starting to move on. Callie admits that she doesn’t really have the right to pry into Arizona’s life anymore, but she’s just looking out for her. Arizona appreciates the sentiment.

Owen finds Amelia to let her know that her masterclass is at capacity. While this should be a great feeling, it just brings about more insecurity for Amelia. She tells Owen that she’s always been “the other Dr. Shepherd,” always fighting to escape her brilliant brother’s shadow. If she screws up this operation, then it will only prove that everyone was right. And you know? Owen doesn’t say a damn thing. He just furrows his brow and stares at her. Damnit Owen!

Arizona gets a page, and she and Herman meet a patient on the helipad. Herman wants Arizona to do the surgery, but Arizona hesitates because it’s an emergency procedure. She tells Herman that she’s not ready and Herman replies that it doesn’t matter. It’s happening anyway. Arizona snaps back that Herman isn’t listening but Herman makes it very clear that this isn’t easy for her either. Watching her life’s work be handed over to Arizona. Facing death. “I think the very least you can do is deserve it. Take over, do well, make me not regret it. Can you do that?” she asks Arizona. Arizona nods her head and they are off.

Amelia walks her class through the most difficult part of the procedure: the placing of the radioactive seeds. If this doesn’t work or if anything is off, it will all be for naught. At the same time, Arizona performs a delicate procedure of her own. She struggles with using an instrument, then borrows an idea that she’s used before on her own. At first Herman hesitates because Arizona is deviating from her teaching, but when it works, she knows that she is leaving her life’s work in capable and innovative hands. Back in the masterclass, Amelia bids the tumor goodbye and gets a huge round of applause. Then she opens the floor for questions. Jo asks if she’s nervous. Of course. Richard wonders how long it will take: 18 hours. Then Callie stands up and asks is Derek will be joining her and openly questions if Amelia should be doing the surgery herself. Damn, Callie, that’s cold as ice. Hell yeah, Amelia’s doing it on her own. Derek can stay in DC, there’s a new Shepherd in town.

Herman finds Amelia after the class and asks her to run a new scan. She is experiencing symptoms and she’s thinking what we are all afraid to say. The tumor may have entered the optic chiasm. Amelia runs the scan and it is exactly that. It’s now or never. At the same time, Bailey tells Arizona that Glenda and her baby are in distress. Arizona tracks Amelia down to say she needs Herman, and Amelia has to give her the news. Both women are taken aback, but there is no time to waste. Arizona joins Herman, and from the look on her face, Herman knows the scans showed that they have run out of time. Men enter with a gurney, and Herman asks for privacy while she strips down and preps Arizona for her own surgery. Arizona tries her best to fight back tears as she ties Herman’s gown. Arizona goes to speak, to say something, anything, but nothing come out. She stays with Herman as she’s wheeled out and into the OR. When Herman finally allows herself to be vulnerable and scared, she reaches out for Arizona. When she tries to speak, Arizona tells her not to say goodbye. Herman’s voice over plays, telling us the way to be remembered is to leave something significant behind. For her, it’s that knowledge passed on to Arizona. Her life’s work will live on, even if she doesn’t. “Time to go,” she tells her protégé.

Next week, it’s do or die for Dr. Herman.

Here are some of our favorite #greysgays tweets from last night’s episode.

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