“Episodes” recap (407): Beep, Beep. Someone is Backing Up the U-Haul


Our story thus far: Within two weeks, Carol and Helen went from sharing a kiss to sharing a bed, to sharing matching jewelry, to sharing the worst pet names in the history pet names.


Today, Carol and her team are discussing one of their shows. No, it’s not Scrunchie and the Pubes, two hot crime-solving ladies who shamelessly flirt with each other while everyone pretends that’s normal. Because that show already exists and it’s called Rizzoli and Isles.

Carol’s meeting is cut short when she’s summoned to Helen’s office. Carol excuses herself, leaving behind a wake of shared, knowing glances. Everyone in Hollywood probably knows by now.

In her office, Helen is grinning like she just heard a gay rumor about Taylor Schilling. She points to a small box on her desk.  Carol nervously opens it as Helen watches with proud anticipation.

afterellen-ep407_img2Nope, it’s not matching thumb rings.

The house key. You shouldn’t have. Seriously. You should not have. Carol is speechless. “No one has ever… I can’t even… I can’t…”


Carol freaks out all over Beverly. It’s been two weeks! Too much, too fast, too soon! Is there such a thing as “too weeks?” This is what it would look like.

Carol: Oooh, and did I tell you? She already invited me to Stanford for her daughter’s graduation.

Bev: Aww!

Carol: In June.

Bev: Well, that not so…

Carol: No. Not this June. Next June.


In other news, Helen also has two tickets on hold for Driving Miss Daisy starring Elle Fanning.

This is the best relationship Carol has ever had, so why is she wigging out? How does she tell someone, “Less love, please”? Carol’s repressed feelings are coming out as actual hives, which are never a good relationship-related skin condition. A rash, maybe. A rug burn, definitely. But hives? Hives are nature’s way of telling you to run.

Bev gently introduces Carol to the concept of honesty. Just tell Helen to slow her roll. Carol considers giving truth a whirl, for once. Just then, Helen calls. Where are you? Carol immediately claims she’s at the dentist. Meh. It’s a process.

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