Dearly beloved, we are gathered together to celebrate the union between two beautiful unicorns: Santana Lopez and Brittany S. Pierce. Theirs is a love for the ages, one that they simply “couldn’t put down.” What they have created, let no man (including Ryan Murphy) tear asunder, for today is for rejoicing. Today, Brittana get married.
Since marriage between gaysharks is illegal in Ohio, Brittana, Britt and Santana’s moms and Artie head to Indiana, where the corn is plentiful and the gays can register at Pottery Barn. Brittany’s mom takes them to a barn in the middle of nowhere and explains in gruesome detail how she gave birth to Brittany in that very barn.
While the story doesn’t move the others, Santana decides that it would be fitting to celebrate their union in the holy birthplace of her betrothed. Artie, always the dreamer, sees the potential as well and so a venue has been found. They get to work, prettying up the dusty old barn, and Kurt works as the logistics coordinator as Tina nearly throws out her back moving hay bales. Brittany, who is overseeing everything, has a major case of the pre-wedding jitters. She’s worried about everything from table settings to a barn collapse (which would no be shocking considering this is Glee), and nothing Kurt can say or do will calm her. The major issue is that because Martina Navratilova has backed out of officiating, they now have no one to marry them. Kurt saves the day buy suggesting his dad, Burt Hummel, and we all rejoice in knowing we get to see Burt one more time before Glee takes a bow.
Now that that has been taken care of, it’s time to try on potential wedding dresses, like you do the day before your wedding! Rachel, Mercedes, and Tina join Brittana for a fashion show of delights. Since they don’t want to see each other in their dresses prior to the wedding, they will be coming out one at a time. This is a major sticking point for Brittany, who is currently obsessed with superstition surrounding the wedding. The thing is, Santana simply cannot resist catching an eyeful of Brittany in her final dress pick, which causes a major freak out.
Later that day in the choir room, Brittany wants to sacrifice a chicken to the wedding gods to counteract the bad luck that Santana’s thirsty eyes have wrought upon them. Instead, Santana suggests that Brittany distract herself by figuring out the seating chart for the big day. However, when Santana finds out that Sue is on the guest list, she goes completely Snix. Rachel points out that sure, Sue will probably taint the wedding if she’s there, but she will definitely ruin it if she’s not invited. No me gusta, Santana has spoken, and leaves the room in a huff.
While grabbing some coffee, Kurt lets Walter down easy. He’s going to the wedding with Blaine and in fact, he’s still in love with the Warbler. Walter understands, and sends Kurt off with his blessing and some good advice. “The only thing worth doing, is going toward love.” Kurt literally runs through the streets of Lima to get to Blaine’s place. Once he arrives, there are no big speeches. Kurt simply can’t bear the thought of another day without Blaine, and they reignite their relationship with a kiss.
Also in love, is Tina, who is still pining for Mike Chang. They reconnected this year while at their respective colleges, and have been texting and flirting again. Tina, in the most Tina move possible, decides that she wants to propose to Mike. She gathers a quorum of her best guy friends, and at first only Blaine is really on board with it. In fact, Artie is a little bewildered about the whole thing. Tina actually says she can’t do it without their approval, which is so Glee, and she finally gets a thumbs up from Artie.
While Sue is polishing her trophies, Santana arrives at her request to talk about the wedding. Santana’s pain is deep and she’s not afraid to tell Sue that she is not welcome on her special day. Her entire heart and soul is wrapped up in this, and the thought of Sue ruining it is too much to bear. Sue asks Santana if they can put their differences aside, but Santana is unmoved. “You are incapable of a selfless act, and if you do what you always do and just show up, you will be forcibly removed by the security guards I’ve hired.” Santana isn’t fucking around, and no one, not even Sue is going to ruin her wedding.
Finally, the big day has arrived! Everyone looks spectacular, the presents are plentiful, Gina Freaking Gershon is there, and adorable selfies are being taken.
Kurt and Blaine, looking dapper as hell, check in with Burt and Carol prior to the ceremony. Kurt mentions how he and Blaine were young and foolish, nearly getting married shortly thereafter Burt and Carol. Burt tells the men that we are “never really ready for anything”-not love, not loss, nothing. Carol chimes in telling them that many mistakes will be made along their paths, but they need to make the most out of every day.
Meanwhile, Brittany is having a full on melt down in her dressing quarters. She sends Tina, Rachel and Mercedes off to procure items to ward off bad luck. Santana saunters in to take a peek at Brittany, which does not help Britt’s already sky high anxiety. She tries to push Santana out of the room, but Santana stops her and tries to reel Brittany back in.
Santana: This was all adorable but now I’m putting my foot down. Do you even know why a groom couldn’t see a bride before the wedding?
Brittany: Cannibalism?
Santana: No. Dates back to arranged marriages. People thought that if the couple had time to see each other before the wedding, they would change their minds and bail on actually getting married. That’s not us, ok, because you love me and I love you. And no silly superstitions are going to change that. Hey, I’m really sorry that I can’t go an hour without seeing you, coz I’d just miss you too much. Me and you, rules don’t apply to us. They never have. We make our own luck, so I say that it’s good luck to kiss the bride before the wedding because then we can have that kiss we can’t have in front of our friends and family because they be too jealous.
And, boy, do they ever kiss. It’s like, Princess Bride levels of perfect. Passionate, loving, hopeful. Did I mention, open mouthed?
Their love spell is broken when Sue Sylvester walks in on them. Santana attempts to cut a bitch, but she’s stopped when Sue reveals her true reason for showing up. She found a way to convince Santana’s abuela to come to the wedding. Turns out, when people are forced to face the true nature of their intolerance and fear, it makes them take pause. Sue went full on gay hater for show, and Abuela saw the light. She’s still not so sure about the whole, two chicks getting married thing, but if on of those chicks is her grand-daughter, then she can put that shit aside for a few hours. Santana tells Sue that she can stay.
Sue then sets her sights on Klaine, and tries to get them to come with her. Wary of being tricked again, the men refuse until Sue tells them it’s a Brittanamergency. It is a trick, but one that Brittany has devised with love in her heart. Apparently, Brittany hasn’t been able to stop thinking about how Kurt and Blaine’s wedding plans fell through because she looked up to Klaine in high school. Whatever, let’s go with it. It’s wedding, damnit! She presents the men with tuxes, and suggests that they make this wedding a two-fer. Kurt hems and haws, while Blaine remains mostly quiet. How could they do something so impulsive? Kurt also mentions that Santana would never go for this. But shockingly, Santana is on board because she wants to make Brittany happy. Blaine finally chimes in. It may be crazy, but he does want to spend his life with Kurt. What to do?
The ceremony finally begins and Mercedes and Artie sing the Etta James’ love song, “At Last”. It’s thrilling! Brittany and Kurt (now wearing his tux) walk down the aisle together, as do Santana and Blaine. The whole audience is confused and then delighted as both couples gather at the front of the barn. Burt proceeds to deliver a totally Burtesque speech, and thanks both couples for being brave in a world that doesn’t always embrace them.
Both sets of couples deliver their vows to each other, and dammit all, if it isn’t a tearjerker.
Kurt: Blaine, I’m a man who has always lived in the shadows and everyone who has come into my life has always tried to pull me out into the sun or push me back into the darkness.
Santana: I’ve been bullied, outed, and misunderstood…
Blaine: I honestly thought I would never find real love.
Brittany: The world seemed so scary and confusing. It was just too fast. It made me feel dumb just because my brain worked differently.
Kurt: And then you came along and even if someone had told me that it wasn’t going to work out and then at the end if all our struggling and all of our work it would just end heartache…
Blaine: I would of said yes.
Santana: A thousand times yes.
Brittany: I would have suffered it all just for the tiny chance to be standing up her, marrying you.
Kurt: I am a work in progress.
Blaine: I am a work in progress.
Santana: I am a work in progress.
Brittany: I am a work in progress.
Kurt: You don’t ask me to come out the shadows, you help me rip away anything that is blocking the sun. It’s time for all of us to walk into the sunshine together, forever. Is that something you wanna do?
Blaine: I do.
Santana: I do
Brittany: I do
Kurt: I do.
I know that not everyone was happy about this shared wedding, Brittana shippers and Klaine shippers alike. For some reason, these two ships have found themselves in a battle of wills, instead of allies in a fight for equality. But this, this is our chance to just ship one thing. Love. Love between two of the most popular, important same sex couples that television and the world have ever seen. It’s not about who has more lines or more kisses, it’s about how these characters made us feel inside. Their journeys are our journeys, and right now, they are walking off into the sunset together. Embrace that or don’t, but don’t let anything spoil this moment for you.
At the reception, Brittany’s father gives an extremely awkward speech about how everyone is ugly compared to Brittany. Thankfully, it’s followed by a speech by Santana where she presents everyone at the wedding with OTP hats. (Ha, come on, this metaness is actually kind of fun.) The party really kicks off with another meta joke, where “He Ya” by Outcast is performed. (Heya being the portmanteau for Naya and Heather, if you were unawares) It’s a big choreographed number that I wish I had had at my wedding. My mom did sprain her ankle dancing to Robyn, though. Enough about me.
Tina takes Mike aside and sits him down. She professes her love to him, and presents a ring, which he promptly but kindly turns down. Mike has warm feelings for her, but he knows that Tina is being impulsive. Tike is not meant to be, but they will always have a place in each other’s hearts.
Back on the dance floor, the moms all get up and perform The Pointer Sisters‘ “I’m So Excited,” gloriously reuniting the Troubletones. Squee! There is just so much awesome to look at. Sugar, dancing like a maniac, the moms shaking their fringe and sanging, Britt in cowboy boots. It’s one of the most frenetic, joyous moments I’ve even witnessed on Glee.
The married couples take a moment to thank everyone for attending, and dedicate their quartet rendition of “Our Day Will Come.” most recently by Amy Winehouse, to all their loved ones. Sugar slow dances with herself, in a moment that is for some reason, the exact opposite of sad.
The next day, Artie sets up a little lunch in the choir room for Tina and himself, just like they used to have when they were students and in lurve. Tina is sad and embarrassed about Mike’s rejection, but she will heal. She and Artie laugh about their own failed romance, and they make a pact to get married at age 30 if they are not with someone else. Um, 30 is the new 20 so I guess we will be seeing an Artie/Tina wedding in the future. I’m kind of OK with that.
Sue calls the newlyweds into the auditorium to give them a major surprise. Inside her cold, cold heart, she sees them all as her kids and has booked honeymoon surprises for both of them. For Klaine, a weekend in Provincetown. For Brittana, a MONTH on Paradise Island in the Bahamas. The birthplace of Wonder Woman, you guys. No word on if they will be taking an invisible jet there, or not. They give Sue giant hugs, and she walks off, mumbling about Faberry and loving lesbians. Gold!
This episode was pretty much everything I was hoping it would be, and watching fans reactions on Twitter and Tumblr was everything. So much happiness, so much community. Seeing so much joy in people’s hearts, kind of makes some of the old frustration melt away. Sure, Glee has not always done it right, but this…well this, felt just about perfect.
What did you think of “A Wedding”?
