“Pretty Little Liars” recap (5.20): Flashdance

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Hanna is too angry and raw and doesn’t have enough secrets to be successful in the pageant world, so the coach drops her. She then offers to coach Emily, and Hanna storms out in despair.

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 9.36.09 PMYou are no longer in the running towards becoming Pennsylvania’s Next Top Teenager

Meanwhile, Aria is still stuck in that fucking tree.

Emily tries to chase down Hanna, who drives off. Talia pops out of some bushes and wants to get her mack on, but Emily shoots her down because she isn’t interested in being someone’s experimental fling. She says she’s not into girls because it’s trendy; she’s into girls because she’s a big old homo. Well played, Emily.

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 9.40.58 PMEric went to Office Max, wanna bang one out real quick in my car?

Back in the Tree of Despair, Aria has finally managed to climb up two branches and finds a vial of blood in the tree hole. Mike catches her and they start fighting. We find out that the blood is Mona’s, and Aria breaks the vial and runs away.

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 9.43.22 PMSpencer taught me her angry gerbil face! GRR!

Back at Casa Marin, Hanna is angrily nomming on pizza and her own dance failures. Emily is like, “wtf dude, you were my ride” and tells Hanna that she wants to enter the pageant and win for her. To reiterate: Emily Fields will be entering a beauty pageant to win her friend some college money because she loves her. I have friends I consider soul mates, but if any of those bitches asked me to enter a pageant I would laugh them out the damn door. Also, it was A who signed Kate’s name on the sheet just to fuck with Hanna’s head.

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 9.48.03 PMOf course Hanily is my OTP, isn’t it yours?

Jonny gets bailed out by Mrs. Hastings, but it costs him his rent and security deposit, so he is getting evicted from the barn. Spencer is heartbroken that she has no one to make sweet sweet crime with, and Jonny kisses her and leaves, hopefully forever.

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 9.49.31 PMTastes like patchouli

Aria runs into her own home screaming for Byron, and Mike catches up to her and finally spills the truth. We get a flashback of Mike finding Mona’s medical grade room fridge (which you’d think someone would have noticed) and finds out that she’s been banking her own blood.

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 9.51.46 PMJust chilling some DNA, what’s up with you, girl?

Mona had made a deal with A that she would fake her own death and frame Ali for the crime. Once Ali was arrested, Mona would find out who A was, then rush back to Rosewood to tell the Liars and finally free them the tyranny of an omnipresent madperson.

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 9.54.16 PMonce all this is over, Hanna and I will ride off into the sunset together

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 9.54.24 PM I think you mean me

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 9.56.17 PM bitch please

But Mona hasn’t shown up at any of Mike’s meeting places, and he realizes that A must have double-crossed Mona and killed her for realsies. He cries and Aria cries and we all cry to the heavens that somewhere/somehow Mona is alive but she isn’t because we saw her dead body in that car trunk OR DID WE??

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 10.00.29 PMWhat does Hanna Marin have that I don’t?

The Liars finally get it into their beautiful dumb heads that Ali isn’t A, and now they have to figure out how to face her/possibly exonerate her.

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 10.00.54 PMThe worst part is we’re hearing this from Aria

Meanwhile, A stalks around Mike’s room and lifts some weights and maybe/definitely steals that jock itch cream for later.

Screen Shot 2015-02-17 at 10.03.21 PMJust working on some sweet sweet curls

Are you guys excited for the big A reveal? I really hope it’s Tippi and Pepe doing the Muppet Man with an oversized trench coat. Tweet me your theories @chelseaprocrast

Big thanks to Nicole @PLLBigA for her awesome screencaps, I will steal art for her any day of the week.

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