Welcome to this recap of Pretty Little Liars, the show where these damn girls avoid being framed by murder by wrapping their DNA in a pretty package and handing it over to strangers. CLASSIC mistake.
We open at the Rosewood blood drive, where the Red Cross has rejected Emily’s (probably flawless) blood because she’s gay/spent that summer in Haiti. One of those things is true on the show, and both of things are true in the real world. Unfortunately, no blood means no cookie, so Emily is forced to give her snacks to Spencer and Aria, thus fulfilling every food-related fanfic in the Northern hemisphere.
Ashley is running the blood drive, where she has to deal with teens with low blood sugar and Judgy McChurchface ladies giving her shade. You know who NEVER gives Ashley side eye? Pinot Grigio.
The Liars spot Mike fucking with the blood fridge and, even worse, dropping a plate of cookies on the floor. Emily must be SO pissed off.
Later at school, the Liars pressure Aria to get answers from Mike, but she’d rather pretend it isn’t happening. Besides, she has a math test, because apparently she’s a student now. Aria’s brain freezes during the test (maybe it has to do with being down a pint) and copies her answers off of Andrew.
You remember Andrew: the hunky whiz kid who gave study drugs to Spencer and then she threw her bra at him that one time? Well, he immediately busts Aria for cheating and tells her he’ll tutor her instead. He kind of blackmails her into accepting his tutoring, which is weird. Whatever, far be it from me to stand between these girls and any sort of education.
Hanna asks Spencer about financial aid, and Spencer tells her that she doesn’t qualify because Mr. Marin is making too much money. This is what happens when you report your earnings to the IRS instead of stuffing them in pasta boxes and bottles of Merlot.