“Real World: Skeletons” recap (30.9): Triplets!


The episode opens with Sylvia, Madison and Violetta walking down the street getting barked at by bulldogs, an outburst that was probably triggered by Sylvia’s curious bear hat. She’s not a real bear, puppies. Real bears run away from reality show crews and only give permission to National Geographic, because they’re too fancy for MTV.

Bruno has become settled in his relationship with Carla, so he stays in as the rest of the house goes out to get wasted. Sylvia makes a paper cutout of Bruno, and the roommates carry around “flat Bruno” on their night out on the town.

Since the Wolf Pack (the boys and Nicole) is one wolf short, Nicole tells us she will make up for it. She hits on a girl named Ashley and dances with her.

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Madison is less festive, as she is doing her best to keep away from Tony.

Back at the house, Tony starts making purring noises at Madison again and she gets googly eyed, despite her intention to avoid him. Does the boy breathe crack smoke? I don’t get it. Sylvia starts spraying the two of them with water to stop the madness, but neither Tony nor Madison even recognize that they have been drenched with sink water, so Sylvia gives up.

The next morning, Bruno tells us about his love of burgers. He runs off to the gym, and while he is away, Tony and Jason eat one of his beloved burgers. Bruno comes back and realizes his burger is missing. He wants to hit someone, but no one is around, so he calls his mom, who tells him not to hit anyone. Good call, mom.

Everyone else is at a bar, and as Nicole is flirting with the waitress, someone comes out of the crowd and attempts to sucker punch Tony. (Alyssa, is that you?) The cast leaves and goes home to find an angry Bruno hollering about his missing burger. He is inconsolable and continues ranting even after Tony and Jason leave a $20 bill on the table. Sylvia tells us there is something wrong with him.

Violetta asks Madison whether she and Tony hooked up. Madison says she did but that it probably shouldn’t have happened. Madison tells her she wants to be with someone who wants to be with her, and Violetta tells us that Madison is finally realizing that to be in a good relationship one must first respect herself. Let’s hope this realization sticks and crack smoke breath doesn’t scramble her brain again.

The roommates chip in and buy Bruno an entire stack of burgers, and all is well. Everyone is relaxed and laughing about Bruno’s love of beef, but then a cab pulls up to the house ominously.

The doorbell rings.

Nicole decides to take one for the team and goes to the door. It turns out to be her two sisters, Sam and Ashley, who are her best friends.

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They are triplets, and the roommates remark that now there are three Nicoles in the house—all with the same energy. But Nicole is the only one with the not-Staten-Island-wtf-is-that accent. Seriously, what gives?

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Later, one of her sisters is on the phone with their mom and tells her that someone needs to smack that fake Boston accent out of her and that she has never heard it before. Aha, so that accent was created for the Real World. Interesting. Has anyone at 1515 Broadway been over the Verrazano Bridge? Nope? That’s what I thought.

But next, the roommates go to a NASCAR race. They stand on top of their RV and drink a lot of beer. But beer isn’t enough. They clamor for liquor, and Violetta tosses a bottle to Tony but instead hits Madison in the face, giving her a black eye.

Nicole and her sisters go to dinner with Violetta. Violetta snitches on Nicole, telling them that Nicole has already hooked up with two women. (Again, why haven’t we seen this?) Her sisters lay down the law, telling her she is a player only because she is afraid to open up and get hurt. “We’re not babies anymore,” says her sister Ashley. Both Sam and Ashley are getting married, and they want Nicole settled as well.

The roommates go to a club, where Tony starts flirting with Carla’s friend, which upsets Madison.

Bruno tells the roommates that he and his brother no longer talk and the feud started over a tuna sandwich. I think everyone at this point knows not to touch Bruno’s sources of protein. To him, protein is like The One Ring to Gollum in Lord of the Rings.

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Madison is still stewing over Tony’s treatment of her, and she tells Sylvia that she is about to lose her temper. Sylvia tells Madison she doesn’t think she has a bitchy bone in her body, so Madison throws something over the balcony at Tony and flashes an evil grin.

“I’ve never seen this side of you, Bubbles,” Sylvia says.

Nicole takes her sisters out on a sightseeing trip through Chicago, and afterwards her sisters sit down with her and tell her that she only cheats on women because she wants to hurt people before they hurt her. Nicole gets a little teary eyed so her sisters give her a hug. Nicole tells them she just wants to find women like them and her mom.

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Then it is time to go, and Sam and Ashley give everyone hugs and pile into a cab. Were these her skeletons? That was like a little gaggle of kittens dancing in a field of flowers. What about all those women she loved and left? Are they going to invade the house, or is that it?

Madison gathers up the courage and approaches Tony, shaking. She tells him that he has behaved like an asshole and she is over it. She tells him she has to care more for herself now and walks away. The last of his women has peaced out and now he is all alone. He frowns and pouts to the sound of the tiniest violin. Sylvia and Violetta congratulate her for standing up for herself, and the three of them hug all the tears away. Remember when these three were brawling on the patio? It’s hard to believe that was only two episodes ago.

Then Madison and Tony have yet another talk. Tony tells Madison what she said fucked him up. Madison tells him that her heart is open, but his isn’t. Tony realizes that he does in fact have feelings for Madison and proposes that they become boyfriend and girlfriend. Nothing on this show makes sense! First the ladies of Wrestlemania have all become BFFs. A fight almost broke out over ground beef. Nicole sounds like she was prepped to speak with a New York accent from a speech therapist from South Boston. And now Tony gets a girlfriend after sleeping through all of Chicago and his hometown?

Oh wait! There goes the doorbell.

It’s Bruno’s brother. Hide ya burgers, hide ya tuna, and hide ya egg whites, too.

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