Welcome back, batbois and batgirls, to Gotham, the show where Penguin shills Ford Hybrids when he’s not scheming to take over the city. Who was the genius behind that ad campaign? I’d rather buy a car from Matilda’s dad than from Oswald Cobblepot #LITERARYJOKE.
We open with Jack Gruber aka The Electrocutioner and his henchman, Aaron, breaking into Irwin’s Electronics. They electrocute a guy through the door handle and collect Gruber’s old gadget, which looks like a giant space heater. Gruber tells poor Irwin that his time in Arkham freed his mind, and he’s ready to take down the world. If he wanted to free his mind so badly, he should have just taken some mushrooms in Joshua Tree like the rest of us. He then zippity-zaps the crap out of Irwin.
Back at the GCPD, Captain Esson is discussing/recapping the Arkham escapees. Jim Gordon crashes the briefing and basically demands the case because he’s tired of cleaning the Arkham bed pans. Commissioner Loeb shows up (have we seen him before? IDK this show has 10,000 white guys in suits) and harangues Gordon about his past…apparently Gordon’s dad was a district attorney. Loeb wants to know why Jim became a cop and why he’s so damn rebellious.
Why does everyone constantly call out Jim’s rebellious nature? He is literally just trying to his job. And since when is running off to become a cop rebellious? It’s a police department, not a three ring circus. This show makes my brain hurt, you guys.
Anyhoozle, Gordon strikes a deal with Loeb: if he catches Gruber in 24 hours he’ll be reinstated as a detective. If he doesn’t, he and Bullock get sent to work Arkham. As they leave, Gordon lets Bullock know that he has no clue where the bad guys are and he was just bluffing.You know how we as an audience have been clamoring for more Don Falcone backstory? No? You don’t care? WELL YOU’RE GETTING ANYWAY! We see a flashback of Falcone as a boy, sitting on the lap of his mother who’s a dead ringer for Liza.
Falcone snaps out of his flashback long enough to execute some dude and take Liza flower shopping. He tells her that she needs to leave to go get married and have babies and do lady things that ladies do. He also offers her a bakery to run. She turns him down, saying she’d prefer to stay with him and be his maid/surrogate mommy/platonic life partner. GIRL, TAKE THE BAKERY. DON’T YOU KNOW THAT’S FREE DONUTS?! Liza takes a flower and sticks it in Falcone’s lapel.
Gordon and Bullock are working on the case, and Bullock calls Gordon a rollercoaster of suck, which is a fairly apt description. Ed Nigma shows up with some helpful info: apparently Gruber’s real name is Bukinski, and he was in jail for some bank robberies. He used some leverage to get a name change and a transfer to Arkham. Also, Nigma still harbors a crush on Miss Kringle, and gives her a cupcake with a bullet in it, as a riddle. She’s NOT feeling it.
Let her go, Ed. You have no future with a girl who doesn’t like puzzles. He also gives Gordon and Bullock galoshes, to protect them from getting electrocuted.
Gordon and Bullock realizes that Gruber is hunting down the robbery partners who betrayed him, but first they go investigate the abandoned Arkham van in front of Irwin’s electronics. They find the deep fried door handle guy and a zapped up Irwin repeatedly writing “I betrayed my friends” on the wall. Okay, I’m not a scientist, but can electricity really be used to make zombies? I thought that shit only worked on Frankensteins. I expect VERY detailed science in the comments section.
Meanwhile, Liza is shopping when a van pulls up and kidnaps her. She’s relieved when she realizes it’s just Fish, and it’s time for Operation Take Down Falcone. Fish then makes the ransom call to Falcone and it’s game on.
Gordon gets a visit from Dr. Thompkins, aka Lee, who brings him a doll. Apparently a female patient in Arkham is a pagan sorceress and puts curses on voodoo dolls for Dr. Pepper and Red Vines.
Gruber gave her a doll to curse, called Mr. M. And the doll looks like…this guy!
Maroni is slurping down spaghetti with his crew when Falcone calls Penguin to come over. Penguin makes up a lie about taking care of his sick mom, but when he goes to leave he’s electrocuted across the room. The door is kicked open and someone tosses in some sort of light grenade which…doesn’t blow up the joint but makes everyone look really smoky? I seriously did not understand the point of that thing.
Maroni describes it to Gordon as a sonic bomb, and Gordon convinces him to come down to the station to be bait for Gruber. Penguin sits up and babbles about working for Falcone, only to pass out again. When Penguin wakes up, he’s gonna be in serious trouble.
Hey, remember that time there were queer ladies on this show? Here’s one now! Barbara Kean, fresh off her lesbian bender, shows up at her parents’ swanky mansion and asks to stay. Her parents are so damn WASPy they’re played by a sack of Maryland crabs wrapped in Izods and khakis. She also pretends like she’s still with Gordon, so I’m guessing she’s not out to her folks.
Back at the GCPD, Maroni is cracking jokes with the cops when Penguin wakes up. He tries to leave but Maroni calls him out on his confession.
Fish calls Falcone and tells him she’s being used as the kidnapping intermediary. Falcone immediately calls her out on being the kidnapper, and instead of lying she’s like YUP. She tells Falcone to GTFO of Gotham and take Liza with him. He agrees, and tells her she was always his favorite.
Butch breaks out the champagne, but Fish knows it’s not quite time to celebrate. Fish tells Liza she’ll be leaving with Falcone, at least for a little while. Liza admits that she likes Falcone, and that he’s been nothing but a gentleman to her. Fish makes her swear to never reveal the truth. It’s nice work by Jada Pinkett-Smith, who plays her ambition as well as her respect and admiration for Falcone.
Back at Villa Falcone, Victor Zsasz is ready to go medieval on Fish Mooney’s crew, but Falcone tells him to stand down. He’s done fighting and retiring in the country with Liza sounds like a pretty sweet deal.
Back at GCPD, Nigma explains his riddle to Miss Kringle, who seems to be warming up to him. That is, until a beefy cop tells him to scram. Nigma slinks off, only to hear Miss Kringle complain about what a weirdo he is. SAD TROMBONE.
Penguin professes his innocence to Maroni while Gruber electro-hacks into the station with his giant space heater and zaps all the cops into unconsciousness. I think he creates like, an electric storm in the ceiling of the building? That travels to the floor? I never took physics, but I assume this is a thing that can happen.
Gruber and Aaron enter the station where they are held at gunpoint by Jim Gordon, wearing his secret weapon: galoshes! Gruber quickly uses his electro-rays to zap the gun out of Jim’s hand, and Jim starts fighting with Aaron. After Jim knocks out Aaron, Gruber accuses him of being driven by ego and blood lust instead of regular old policing. He accuses Jim of just wanting to win, and Jim is like, “I literally have nothing left to lose”. Then he dumps a glass of water on Gruber and foils his plans.
That’s right. Jim Gordon defeats the Electrocutioner with galoshes and a glass of water. This is some anti-climactic nonsense.
Gruber is arrested, Jim’s reinstated as a detective, and everyone is happy and back to normal. Jim even gets a hot makeout with Dr. Lee in the police showers. So yay?
The Penguin finally hauls his flash-fried butt into Falcone’s house to tell him that Liza is working for Fish. Falcone slaps him hard and refuses to believe him, but Penguin persists.
Falcone shows up to meet Fish at her bar. Fish tells him all he has to do is sign some papers over to her and walk out the door with Liza. He asks to see her, and Liza comes out to hug him. He tells Liza he knows her secret, and Liza pretends to be innocent. Falcone is furious with Fish for using his dearest memories of his mother against him, which is fair enough. That shit is cold blooded.
Falcone brings in Zsasz and his back-up girls and tells Fish he’s killed everyone on her team. He then apologizes to Liza before strangling her with his bare hands. Fish tries to stop him, but Butch holds her back. Falcone squeezes the life out of Liza and drops her flower onto her dead body. He orders his men to lock up Fish and promises she’ll suffer. He then brings out Penguin to say goodbye before hauling her off. Well, THAT escalated quickly.
So what did you think of Fish’s brutal comeuppance? Will she fight her way out of Falcone’s custody with a feather and a leather choker? Tweet me @Chelseaprocrast with your thoughts/scientific theories!
