“Pretty Little Liars” recap (5.15): Give it Up, You’re All Going to Hollis

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Hanna visits Ali in jail and tells her she knows about Holbrook. She begs Ali not to fight anymore, but Ali says that is she were “A”, why would she allow herself to get arrested? Girl has a point. She tells Hanna that “A” baited her to leave her house by setting up a fake meeting with Cyrus. Since Ali lied about Cyrus to the cops, she was forced to make up an alibi. Hanna seems to believe her, but refuses to give Ali the benefit of the doubt.

pll164You didn’t bring me any conditioner?! Goddamn it Hanna, I asked for ONE thing!

pll165I can’t fit a bottle of conditioner in my vagina so stop asking me!

It’s the opening party of Ezra’s Books n’ Cookies, the social event of the season! Spencer shows up wearing the biggest belt on Earth and Emily is jamming her empanadas down every throat she sees. She even yells at Spencer to eat around the hair, which is disgusting/hilarious. Artsy Lesbian Man tells Spencer he’s moving into the Hastings barn, and she’s all, “Best of luck of in your new studio/crime scene.”

pll173Look, I came straight from the kiln, all I had was this old night gown and leather corset.

pll172If you don’t eat an empanada I will literally burst into tears right now

Talia tries to help salvage Emily’s empanadas while Emily has a meltdown over her relationship with Paige. I sympathize, as I have a total lesbian meltdown any time I try to cook something that doesn’t come in a box.

pll184WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T I JUST GO TO SUBWAY AND GET A SANDWICH PLATTER?!

Talia saves the day and gives Emily a shoulder to cry on. Will this be Emily’s chance for an age-inappropriate love affair? JK, she already got Samara. Either way, Talia is hired as the bookstore chef (OK) so we’ll be seeing more of her in the future.

pll188I heard Rosewood was a great place to date underage girls soooo…

Jason stops by the Marin house to drop off some paperwork and reveals that he’s been living in a hotel. Ashley invites him in for dinner and the two start making out. Get some, Ms. Marin!

pll204NOM NOM NOM

Aria gets a text acceptance from Talmadge but feels guilty when Ezra introduces her to a Vassar professor. Toby shows up and fights with Spencer about lying to his face in stealing the knife. Now that he’s a cop, he can’t just turn a blind eye to her constant law-breaking.

pll197But breaking the law is my FAVORITE!

Hold the phone, didn’t Toby join the police force with the express interest of finding out who killed his mom? I thought he only joined to get access to police stuff. Slow your roll, Officer Toby!

After the party, Aria finds a college guidebook with a bookmark on the Talmadge page. On the bookmark is an excerpt from her Ezra letter. Between this and the deer guts bulldog, “A” is awfully crafty. His/her scrapbooking skills must be off the chain.

pll212That’s some solid glue stick work

Hanna comes home just in time to see Jason do the walk of shame out of Ashley’s bedroom. AWKward.

Back at Litchfield, Ali gets her freshly laundered jumpsuit with a note in the pocket. Apparently the Liars will soon be joining her in prison. You know what that means? SLUMBER PARTY! 

pll223fuck yeah fresh meat!

If you had to share a prison cell with one of the Liars, who would you choose? Tweet me @chelseaprocrast

Also, massive thanks to Nicole (@PLLBigA) for her stellar screencapping. She is the Talia to my Emily Fields.

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