“Pretty Little Liars” recap (5.15): Give it Up, You’re All Going to Hollis

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Ezra’s caterer quits on him, probably because no one can make so many cakes in such a short time frame. Emily volunteers take over the catering job, despite having no cooking experience and being a high school student. Ezra is like, “Did you even take Home Ec?” and Emily is all, “Maw, I don’t do classes, I mostly get terrorized in the school at night. Y’all like empanadas?”

pll54I received my cooking diploma from the Boyardee Academy!

At the office, Ali calls collect to talk to Jason. Ashley answers the phone, but Jason refuses to talk to her. It’s awkward.

pll59 I need some money STAT. There’s chicken flavored Ramen in the commissary!

Hanna is touring Ballard College with a nerdy tour guide when Caleb calls to tell her about the knife. Hanna tells Caleb to bring the knife to her so she can dig a hole with a beer mug and bury it behind a sorority house. Sidebar: I would love it if someone would make a chart or infographic ranking the Liars’ ideas from dumb to dumbest.

 pll68I’m sorry, Hanna, your tweet didn’t make the #booradleyvancullen round up.

Emily is working on catering a party from scratch, despite barely being able to make a sandwich. Aria shows her the letter she wrote to Talmadge, and Emily tells her it needs to be more personal. Aria continues her meltdown and Ezra overhears her panic. He assures her that there’s a college out there that will accept someone who spent seven years in high school but never finished a single class. He also tells her that Talmadge is a burned bridge, as his crazy ex Jackie is now head of admissions.

pll79Does ITT Tech have a jewelry making major?

Spencer storms into Caleb’s loft and acts all upset that he told Hanna about the knife. Girl, it’s season five: you should know by now that nobody can keep a secret on this show. Caleb tells her he can’t get arrested, as he was previously brought in for some hacking-related murder that happened when he was living in the school air vents. They can agree on one dumb idea though: they gotta get their hands on that murder weapon!

pll83I don’t know why everything in Ravenswood looks filtered, stop asking me!

We then get a mini-montage of Aria re-writing her Talmadge letter and Emily peeling grapes by hand. It’s supposed to sad, but I could not stop laughing at Emily fucking up those grapes. What is she even doing?

Things Emily Fields Cannot Do:

  1. Look anything less than flawless
  2. Speak French
  3. Cook to save her life

pll95Ezra wanted stuffed grape leaves, but how am I supposed to stuff these grapes with all these leaves?!

In exasperation, she throws a wad of dough at the wall. Ezra sees her panicking, but she assures him she’s got it. SPOILER ALERT: She don’t got it. Looks like someone’s gonna be making a last-minute trip to Boston Market.

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