“Pretty Little Liars” recap (5.15): Give it Up, You’re All Going to Hollis

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Aria goes to pottery class with the hopes of building herself a Vase of Shame that she can live in after every college on Earth rejects her. Ezra is panicking about the opening of the coffee shop/bookstore thing and Emily is annoyed because she wants a raise. Emily is desperately trying to scrape together enough money to fly to see Paige over spring break. It’s a nice turn of events to see Emily chase after Paige, as it’s usually the other way around.

pll24Yeah, I’ve been up ‘til 5AM emoji sexting with Paige, I’m exhausted.

Long distance relationships categorically suck, and anyone who tells you any different is full of shit/owns a teleporter. No amount of skyping, texting, or carrier pigeons can replicate holding someone’s hand, cuddling, or real life sex-having. Being in a relationship means sharing your life with someone, and that’s nearly impossible when said someone is in a different time zone.

Emily says that Paige didn’t even notice when she said she might be going to a liberal arts college in Oregon, aka Lesbian University.

pll25Fuck this shit, I’m going to Bryn Mawr.

Aria doesn’t have time for Emily’s lezzie drama, because she is having a full tilt meltdown about her college rejections. Her back-up school Talmadge wait-listed her, and her hair is falling out from stress. Knowing Aria, she’ll probably use that hair to make hideous accessories. Lemons into lemonade, y’all. Emily tells her to write a personal letter to Talmadge begging to be let in, which is the most Emily advice ever.

Meanwhile, Ashley Marin and Jason are going through Mrs. DiLaurentis’s paperwork. Jason is taking over the family business…which is what again? Ashley wants to quit, but Jason begs her to stay on because he’s too pretty to do math or something like that.

pll30Please help me, my only skills are drinking and taking photographs of the inside of Aria’s ear.

Officer Toby is doing very important police work by searching Mona’s backyard for clues. He immediately stumbles upon a bloody knife, and instead of being a cop he buries it in some leaves and ignores it. WAY TO COP, TOBY. He tells Caleb and Spencer that the knife was stolen from his house, and Caleb remembers the knife from that one time he played with Toby’s toys or whatever. They realize it’s another “A” frame job, and squabble about what to do with it.

pll39If you got framed by A and you know it clap your hands!

Caleb and Spencer want to destroy the knife because they’re certain it’s a plant, but Toby thinks it might have Ali’s finger prints on it, thus locking her away for good. Toby is caught between doing the right thing and covering his friends’ asses. They make a pact to do nothing, which seems like an across the board bad idea.

pll42Let’s just put the knife in a wig and a speedo and it’ll take Paige’s place on the swim team.

Over at the New Brew, Aria is helping get everything ready for the launch party when she chats with Artsy Guy over the lettering on a shelf.

pll47Multiple bracelets, a Ramones shirt and a newsboy cap? Are we sure this isn’t a lesbian?

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