“South of Nowhere” Recap: Episode 3.14 “Past, Present and Future”


Sit and Spin —

Chelsea and Glen are sitting in grim silence in Chelsea’s studio, clearly with both of their

wheels spinning.  Isn’t it too early for

couples’ counseling?


asks Glen what it is that he expects her to say, and he suggests, “I love you

too.”  Oh Glen. No Glen, not this soon. Chelsea admits that she

loves him, because he’s been like a brother to her.  That’s the kiss of death, though I do know of a jackass who once responded

to an “I love you” with “Don’t hurt yourself!” So I guess it could be worse.


also angry that Glen “outed” them as an item in front of the whole entire

family and their other friends.  Glen

thinks she’s in love with Sean, but Chelsea

denies it.  When there’s a knock at the

door, Glen gets all ruffled thinking it’s his rival.  But alas, it’s Spencer and her video

camera.  Spencer tries to convince them

that their tragic conversation is documentary-worthy, but then realizes very

quickly that she is not helping. Exit Glen.

Videodrome — Back

at Ashley’s house, Spencer has that pesky camera shoved right up in her pretty

girlfriend’s face.  Ashley warns Spencer

that she’ll pay a heavy price if she doesn’t stop.

Ashley: Fine, keep it on. I just won’t do you any late night favors


You wouldn’t. (pause) Fine, but it’ll be your loss too.

Calm down. We all know these two aren’t talking about

sex.  That’s something the straight kids

do.  They’re probably talking about this.

Ashley quickly relents, admitting that life in front of the

cameras hasn’t been much fun of late.

Spencer starts to spout off about her creative juices, setting Ashley

off on a rant about how creativity feeds on depression and how all artists are

miserable wretches.

She’s actually right about that, so no further comment


Spencer notices a flyer on Ashley’s table, and it’s for an

open mic night at Ego.  Jeez, open mics,

dancing, brunch — is everything at Ego? I think I’ve even got some coupons for

their produce around here somewhere. The N is clearly spending their entire

location-finding budget on that sassy pink strip in Ashley’s hair.

Spencer is proud of her for testing the performance waters

again, even if it is at some crappy nightclub/roller rink/LensCrafters™ like

Ego. (You can re-establish your singing career and get new contact lenses in

just about an hour!)

Spencer prods Ashley to sign up for the open mic night and

Ashley admits that it would be nice to have the opportunity to sing her own songs,

as a solo artist.

Continuing to rifle through Ashley’s things, she finds the

announcement of her own high school graduation sent out by Paula.  For some reason, she finds it “embarrassing”

(unlike her brother Glen, who would have found his own graduation notice


Ashley uses the moment as an opportunity to quiz Spencer

about where she’s going to college, and Spencer claims to still be undecided.

But she’s decidedly clueless about the fact that her answer might be important

to Ashley.  Spencer’s lack of interest in

the topic turns Ashley’s mood sour (again) and she tells Spencer to go play

with “camera whore” Kyla.

Down and out —

Across town, Kyla has done what ever young starlet-in-training does after

barely surviving a public scandal: she gives back.  This week, she’s giving to the homeless, and

she’s giving them cans of cow tongue. Aiden is there to assist with the heavy

lifting, and to complain about his life.

He tells Kyla that he feels “stuck” at community college

after being rejected by every four-year university in the free world.  Indignant, Kyla gestures to the huddle masses

awaiting their fair share of tongue and reminds him that he could have it much

worse. For example, what if he had no muscle tone?

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