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“Glee” recap (6.1 & 6.2): Back to before

Previously on Glee, a rag tag group of high schoolers formed a glee club with the help of an overly earnest teacher. The power of music changed their lives (and ours) for the better. Six years later, it’s time to start saying our goodbyes. But first, the underdogs must once again rise to the top.

Someone who is dealing with the exact opposite of rising, is Rachel Berry, whose star made such a tragic descent from the heavens that it practically disintegrated upon re-entry. Rachel’s television show, That’s So Rachel, was such a profound failure that it’s been cancelled after its first episode, and Rachel has been fired. After burning her bridges with Broadway and watching her television dreams slip right through her fingers, Rachel can only think of one thing to do. Sing the Alanis Morissette ballad “Uninvited” as loudly and plaintively as possible as she is escorted off the television lot. It would be easy to sit back and revel in the schadenfreude of it all, but keep in mind that what Rachel Berry craves more that anything, more than understanding, or love, is validation. When given the opportunity at 20 years old to be validated by possibly millions of fans, she couldn’t turn that down. I dare say, none of us could.

So after a self-imposed months long seclusion, Rachel drags her tiny pink suitcase back to the place where she always dreamed of escaping. Lima, Ohio. They say you can never go home again, but that isn’t true. Home is always there in spirit, but it is always subject to change, as Rachel soon finds out. Her father LeRoy (Brian Stokes Mitchell) breaks the news that he and Rachel’s other father are getting divorced. Rachel is deeply shocked, but LeRoy tells her that they have been unhappy for sometime now. Rachel is welcome to stay as long as she likes, but the house is for sale, so…welcome home!

Rachel seeks out Blaine for a shoulder to cry on, but it turns out that Rachel has missed a hell of a lot during her hermitting. Blaine and Kurt have broken up! Klaine found out that living together without the buffer of another roommate, was too much too soon. A devastated Blaine was also cut from NYADA, so he also sought refuge back home in Lima. He’s now the coach of the Warblers, and he and Rachel make a pact to support each other through this particularly shitty time of their lives. They sing “Suddenly Seymour” together in a music store, which really makes no sense other than to give them both an excuse to wail, but lets go with it.

To break through the melancholy that is Blachel (Blaine and Rachel, OK?) the Orwellian voice of Sue Sylvester tears right through like that of Big Brother. Like Orwell says, she “who controls the past controls the future” and she “who controls the present controls the past,” and all that jazz. Well, at least, she who controls the hounds, controls the school.

McKinley, which lets face it, was never that fun to begin with, is now a joyless, fear churning, fat shaming, academic machine. The arts and humanities have been obliterated, including that pesky glee club. Since fear is a powerful motivating factor, grades are up at the school, so the school board looks past some of Sue’s less savory tactics. Oh and in the most convenient of plot fixes ever, the old members of New Directions (Marley, Marley’s hat, Jake, Ryder, Unique, Harry, Niall, Emily, Spencer, Hanna, Aria…truly, I don’t remember) were forcibly transferred to other schools. I’m pretty sure that’s completely illegal, but we are going to go with it. Of course, this doesn’t sit well with Rachel at all.

Back in NYC, Kurt has been nursing his own wounded heart after breaking up with Blaine. He’s finally ready to give dating another shot, but it’s pretty obvious to even complete strangers that Kurt’s pretty hung up on his ex. At NYADA, third year students are expected to go out into the world and get some real hands on experience. He’s planning on spending the time directing Real Housewives the Musical at a retirement home, but you know that is about to change real quick.

Blaine invites Rachel to a Warblers practice to see his team in action and also get some of Rachel’s professional advice. The Warblers are on point as ever, and apparently keep Blaine’s blazer encased in glass. So what if Blaine left the Warblers to join New Directions. Plot, schmot. They perform Ed Sheeran‘s”Sing” to a delighted Rachel and Blaine joins in halfway through. It’s the first time Rachel has smiled in quite some time.

Rachel then meets up with Sam on the McKinley football field where he has become Coach Beiste’s assistant. As Sam measures out powdered Gatorade, a handsome jerkface football player calls one of his teammates a homo. Rachel immediately calls him out on it, but the player Spencer is gay himself. He’s a “post-modern gay teen” you see. Mmmmkay. He hates musicals and has a unhealthy dose of entitlement. He’s also mean to Sam, and frankly, that’s Santana’s job.

Rachel tries to get Sam to back her up that McKinley needs the arts, but Sam tells her to talk to Sue. Rachel goes to Sue’s office to find an extra from Orange is the New Black, working as her secretary. Sue wastes no time in harassing Rachel about her failed show. Rachel pushes Sue about the music department, but Sue is unmoved.

As Kurt waits for his blind date, he recalls the rainy night that he and Blaine broke up. Blaine arrives late for dinner, but with news that he’s found them a wedding venue! Kurt, seething with resentment, barks at Blaine that he’s always late. It escalates quickly from there, and Kurt breaks up with Blaine right them and there. It doesn’t feel planned, and Kurt’s declaration cuts Blaine right to the core. Darren Criss is utterly heartbreaking in this scene, portraying the desperation and anger of someone who has just had the earth collapse beneath their feet.

Back in the present, a tear streams down Kurt’s face, just as his date shows up. He runs off, realizing that he may have made a huge mistake in letting Blaine go.

Will Schuester makes his first appearance by showing off some of his sweet dance moves, and confessing his insecurities to his little baby Danny. Somehow he and Emma Pillsbury managed to produced the cutest damn ginger baby on the planet.

Will is now the director of Vocal Adrenaline, and the pressure is intense, unlike at McKinley where New Directions was a part of his heart. Will’s fatherly instinct is pretty precious and he and baby Danny do a little dancing together. The scene then flashes to Vocal Adrenaline doing a number by Van Halen, as Rachel sneaks in to catch a peek. It’s typical VA, with intense dancing and synchronicity. However, when Will gets on the God mic to give them some encouraging notes, they all just disperse with a synchronized eye roll. Will is thrilled to see Rachel, and she actually welcomes his advice. He compares her failure to a bending bow, which just creates more power to propel her towards her next success.

Inspired by his talk with Rachel, Will gathers all the Lima men together to force Rachel to face, That’s So Rachel. Good to know that somethings remain consistent on Glee, like when the male characters in the show act like fools in the name of heroism. Anyway, we finally get to see the train wreck and it is truly awful. The script is unfunny, the characters are sad and offensive representations of Rachel’s friends (including Jim Jay Bullock as the Kurt-ish character “Cert,” and Carrot Top playing “Blartie”), and it’s simply painful to watch. Will thinks it will help Rachel get over her wounded pride. Will and the boys try to explain that one mistake, no matter how massive, doesn’t have to define us.

This inspires Rachel to appeal to the school board and offer her That’s So Rachel money to fund a glee club at McKinley. The superintendent agrees as long as Rachel takes over as coach. Here we go, kids. When Rachel comes home, she finds a teary-eyed Kurt waiting for her.

Kurt explains his side of things to Rachel and how he wants to get Blaine back. When Kurt asks Rachel to set up a meeting between himself and Blaine, her face reveals she maybe knows more about Blaine’s situation than she lets on. Kurt asks Rachel if they can start their 2015 tour of redemption together and that sounds pretty good to her. She brings Kurt into the glee club fold, and they take back the computer lab and make it a choir room once again. When Sue C’s This (see what I did there) she loses her absolute shit. She threatens them most heartily and tosses a few things around before she exits stage left.

As if that wasn’t enough to ruin Kurt’s day, he meets up with Blaine at the local gay bar. Kurt is so happy to see his former love that he wastes no time in blurting out that he is set on winning Blaine back. One problem. One big, bear of a problem. Blaine has a new beau, and that beau is Kurt’s former tormentor Karofsky.

It’s actually nice to see the once self-loathing Karofsky, loving himself and life, for which he certainly credits Kurt and his forgiving kindness. Blaine and Karofsky connected and now they are an item. It is important to note that Karofsky doesn’t take any joy or pleasure in hurting Kurt. He naively hopes they can be friends one day. Kurt tries to hold back his shock and crushing heartache, and excuses himself to collapse in a puddle of tears on the bathroom floor. Kurt sweetheart, I have BEEN THERE.

That evening, Rachel sets herself up in Will’s old office and he pays her a visit. Rachel seems to have regained some confidence and decides that she will find a way to make it back to Broadway. Will brings up Finn, and how he always thought he would be the one following in his footsteps. It’s a fleeting moment that actually feels too fleeting, because sometimes I think viewers want to think about Finn too. He reminds Rachel that they will soon be competitors and it’s time to start building her glee-ful army. Rachel, who is naturally wearing short shorts, a sweater covered in bows and 6 inch heels, gets her Arendelle on (and channels her tv mother) and finally gets ready to “Let it Go.” It’s perfectly cheesy, with lockers slamming open and papers flying behind her, and ends with her in a full on ball gown belting her face off on the empty McKinley stage. It’s the beginning of the end, and goddamnit, Rachel Berry is going to be a hero of Glee for once.

The second half of the premiere is completely different in tone and feel from the much more introspective and frankly, pretty sad, “Loser Like Me.” In “Homecoming,” our favorite cast members come home to roost, and we meet some new faces that we actually might enjoy. Speaking of that, Blaine’s voiceover explains how after he came home feeling like a shell of who he was, it was Dalton Academy that gave him a chance to heal. He tried going for a new look and attitude, but it wasn’t his speed. For Blaine, Dalton is predictably comforting, and that is about to be flipped upside down by a new student. Jane, the first ever cis female student at Dalton, wants to be a Warbler, and Blaine is thrown for a complete loop.

While Blaine tries to figure out how to handle Jane’s request, Rachel gets busy recruiting students for the Glee Club. It’s Homecoming Weekend, and the halls will soon be filled with McKinley alum, including Becky Jackson, who is still reveling in the lessons Sue taught her. That includes giving Rachel a cherry slushie to the face.

At Will’s house, the gang all gathers for dinner to talk about their troubles. Blaine shows up and Kurt goes pale. They all decide to create some ground rules now that they are all going head to head against each other. No poaching students, no set list stealing and no spying. Easy enough, right? They all agree but now Blaine is in quandary as how to handle Jane’s desire to be a Warbler. Will and the others encourage him to be the one who helps make history, not stand in the way of change.

The members of the Warblers are certainly divided about Jane. Some worry that having a girl in the group will cause unneeded sexual tension. Oh lord. One student raises similar questions that often appear in arguments against gay marriage. Squirrels joining the Warblers, living in sin, opening brunch cafes ! It’s kind of stale, Glee. Sorry, darlings. In the end, they vote to at least let Jane audition.

While organizing sheet music, Kurt and Rachel fight over whether they are co-directors or if Kurt is Rachel’s assistant. Neither one likes to share the spotlight, just like old times, so of course it erupts into a fight. Kurt steps up and calls Rachel out for not being proactive enough and reminds her that things are different now at McKinley, which is a wasteland for anything other than kale, lacrosse and calculus. After Kurt leaves, Rachel hears a male student’s voice piping through the air ducts. It sounds like every male contestant coached by Adam Levine on The Voice, and she’s just got to know where it’s coming from. Alas, she comes up empty and the trail runs cold. It’s too bad because her search for New New New New New Directions members is not going too well.

Kurt brings Rachel into the auditorium to apologize for hitting her where it hurts. Rachel tells Kurt that he was right in a lot of ways and it gave her an idea. In order to find students for glee club, she needs a little back up. Of course, that comes in the form of Santana, Brittany, Quinn, Puck, Mercedes and Artie. Tina was busy parking the car, but she made it, too. Thank Jesus! Let the games begin! (Also it appears Sam is still holding a torch for Mercedes. Bring it, Samcedes.)

The old gang gathers in the choir room where Kurt and Rachel announce their plan of action, and thank everyone for hopping on the Lima Express. Also, Rachel asks if they can all pop in from time to time to give us all closure, err I mean, make sure the glee club succeeds. And you know what engages apathetic teenagers the most? ’80s dance numbers!!! The OGs (Original Glee) bust out the day glo and pay a really excellent homage to Ah Ha’s “Take On Me. I have to say, I don’t think the Glee cast has ever sounded so rich and solid as they do in this number. The maturity shines through in their voices, even as they gyrate on cafeteria tables and skip through the halls. It’s kind of this perfect mix of the energy that once invigorated Glee, and the confidence that comes with the passing of time and growing up. Naturally, Sue spoils it.

We now meet Roderick, a McKinley senior and recent transfer student who always wears his headphone. Music is his escape from the taunts and torment of his fellow students. In fact, no one has bothered to talk to him until Rachel Berry tugs on his sleeve as he eyeballs the New Directions sign up sheet. Rachel lets her manic enthusiasm get the best of her and scares Roderick away before she can get him to sign up.

At Dalton, Blaine tracks done Jane to tell her that the Warblers want to hear her audition. But before she does, Blaine sets up a session with Rachel to help Jane prepare. Jane is a little starstruck, and takes Rachel’s words and actually pretty good advice, to heart. Rachel also helps pick out Jane’s audition song, Janelle Monae‘s “Tightrope.

Kurt decides to try and recruit Spencer, the “post gay” gay, but Spencer is having none if it. Not only does he think glee club sucks, but he doesn’t feel a camaraderie or obligation to those who paved the way for his “post-gay” existence. It feels like Glee is trying to speak directly to its queer viewers here. The divide that exists between generations who fought like hell to live lives out loud, and those who came into a world where embracing who you are was the norm and not the exception to the rule. It would do us all good to learn from each other, which I think is what Glee is getting at. Anyhoo, Spencer tells Kurt that being gay is just one thing about him, and not a defining characteristic, so trying to spark some sort of solidarity because of that, isn’t going to work.

After an encouraging text from Rachel, Jane goes in for her audition. She totally slays it, and even gets the Warblers on their feet, dancing and singing along. Everyone is all smiles, and handshakes.

I interrupt this recap to bring you this picture of Dianna Agron’s face.

Anyway, Quinn, Pick, Tina, Mercedes and Sam try to appeal to the conservative Tea Party group at McKinley to try out for New Directions. Quinn even brings a muffin basket. Sweet Jesus. Unfortunately, one of the members starts spewing some nonsense (homo elite!) and Mercedes goes all “hell to the no,” and tears the kid a new asshole. My love for Mercedes will last until the end of time. Quinn takes back her muffins (I’m sweating!) and Sam tells the whole group how Quinn once (twice) had sexy sex with Santana Lopez. Viva Quinntana! Viva New Directions! He then bumps into Quinn and the two totally break character and laugh their assess off while exiting the scene. It’s adorable.

While Jane might think she’s a Schue in for the Warblers (Ugh, I’m sorry) it appears the they have voted to stay a male only group. I think the Blaine wannabe captain was just worried that Jane would get all the solos. She’s naturally upset, and Blaine pledges to put his job on the line and protest the Warbler decision.

It’s time to break out the big guns at McKinley and that can mean only one thing. UNHOLY TRINITY TIME. Quinn, Santana and Brittany’s version of Arianna Grande‘s “Problem” number is a blessing in so many ways. Lets take a moment to bask in this. Three queer women singing and dancing their asses off. A lesbian, a bisexual woman, and while Quinn is kind of label-less, let’s call her Santanasexual. How amazing is that? For all the frustration Glee has given fans over the years, they kick off their final season by showing us strong female characters, confident in their sexualities, dancing together in cheerleading uniforms! Sweet Sappho! The three trade off vocals, and I’m not sure where Dianne Agron and Heather Morris have been lately, but I can only assume spending some serious time in the vocal studio because their voices are stronger than ever.

Artie pops in to do that creepy, whispery “one less problem withoutcha” part too, which proves to be problematic when we find out that Kitty managed to stay at McKinley and on the Cheerios. Apparently Artie was a supreme dick to her when he left for New York. (Did we see any of that?) She wants nothing to do with the glee club, or its graduates, and encourages the other members of the squad to ignore them as well. The number does appeal to two members of the Cheerrios however; twin brother and sister duo named Mason and Madison, who Kitty oh-so kindly dubs “the incest twins.” They ask, in unison, if they can audition together. If it worked for The Unholy Trinity, it can work for them.

The OGs regroup to talk about their abysmal recruiting efforts, and once again, the voice comes through the vents. They all run around the school trying to figure out where it’s coming from.

Surprise, surprise, they find Roderick in the library, sanging with his headphones on. They all approach Roderick to audition, and Rachel gives an impassioned speech about why he should join, but all I can focus on is Heather Morris’ face in the background, which is on the very of breaking the whole time.

This whole Glee thing has sent Sue into a hateful spiral involving Bat Guano smoothies. She tries to convince Spencer to be her spy, but even jerkfaces have their limits and not even a chance at quarterback or a Tom Brady fleshlight (which by the way, ew, soooo inappropriate) is going to change that. He dismisses her just the way he dismissed Kurt. This kid just wants to watch the world burn.

It’s time for Roderick’s audition and he chooses the classic, “Mustang Sally.” His voice is raspy but rich, and the OGs are grooving on it. The Unholy Trinity jump up to join him on background vocals. It’s a ton of fun, and the new kid is the first member of the newly re-incarnated New Directions. Ride, Sally, ride indeed.

It’s Homecoming night, and Becky Jackson is announced as the event’s Grand Marshall. Like your typical homecoming celebration, there will be football, school spirit, and book burnings. Rachel is sitting in the auditorium feeling nostalgic, but Kurt tries to snap her out of it and get her to the choir room for the first official glee club meeting. Roderick thinks he’s the only member of New Directions, but it seems that a brand new student has just joined. Blaine crashes through the auditorium doors to yell at Rachel for breaking the friendly show choir rules that they all agreed upon. Jane has transferred to McKinley! Rachel tries to explain that Jane approached her but Blaine isn’t hearing any of it. He put his job on the line, and now, Jane is gone. Kurt tries to smooth things over, but Blaine accuses Kurt of orchestrating it all just to get back at him for dating Karofsky. Blaine warns Kurt and Rachel that the competition is no longer friendly and storms out.

At the first New Directions meeting, Santana presents Kurt and Rachel with two new members, the cheerleading twins, Madison and Mason. They are the progeny of two Up with People members, and cheer camp karaoke champs.

Santana immediately regrets bringing them, but they can sing, so….welcome! The whole damn room breaks out into a group hug. Sam kicks off the final song of the night, “Home,” the infectious whistle-y Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros number. (Hey, I’m not the only one who gets a possibly future romantic vibe between Rachel and Sam, am I? I can’t help but notice that they are paired together in many of the shots in this episode.) Santana and Brittany have a sweet as pie moment, holding hands and touching foreheads while singing at the homecoming bonfire.

Fireworks are shooting off overhead, and there’s a lot of joyful noise coming from everyone at McKinley. Karofsky is there snuggling in the back of his pick up truck with Blaine. Even Will shows up to celebrate. As everyone dances around, Kurt and Rachel catch a glimpse of Blaine and Karofsky, and their happiness is sucked back into reality. So much has changed, so much lost, so much gained. Where will the next eleven episodes take us?

Next week on Glee: SANTANA PROPOSES TO BRITTANY!!!!!!!!!!!

What did you think of “Loser Like Me” and “Homecoming”?

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