Dearest California,
This is your love, New York. We know we’re 3,000 miles away and that long-distance relationships are trying, but we just want to let you know how much we love you.
Sure, we have our differences. Sometimes we really don’t understand why your residents insist on driving to the grocery store even if they live only a few blocks away. Plus, we really don’t get the whole L.A. culture, which we find a bit superficial. Don’t get us wrong: In New York City we’re just as superficial, but at least we’re tactful about it, although you may counter that “tactful” is just a euphemism for “dishonest.”
We know that you’re a bit unstable, but we love you for who you are. Sometimes you shake uncontrollably, which you blame on some guy named Andreas, and sometimes, someone named Santa Ana causes you to spontaneously combust. Our suggestion that you take a cue from us and go to therapy has gone unheeded, but we respect your decision.
Of course, we admit that we may wear a little too much black, and you may laugh when we insist that Long Island has nice beaches, but when it comes down to it, deep down inside, we’re pretty much the same. We’re two sides of the same coin — the coin called the United States of America.
On Nov. 4, 52 percent of your residents let you down by passing Proposition 8. Believe it when we say that we felt your pain all the way over here.
In fact, we were so mad this Wednesday that close to 15,000 of us assembled at the Mormon temple near Lincoln Center in Manhattan to tell the world just how angry we were, because when you hurt, we hurt. We will never let you fight this fight alone.
Like you, we also have a soft spot for celebrity sightings, so here are a couple of pictures of celebs who showed up.
As you can see, we like our funny women. (Oh, and you can keep Dane Cook. We don’t really miss him that much.)
Yesterday, Whoopi Goldberg was so touched, she even opened The View with a segment on same-sex marriage. She spoke movingly about the families she saw during the protest in New York.
Please don’t be upset about Elisabeth Hasselbeck‘s insistence that same-sex marriage supporters are discriminating against religious people. After all, in the Big Apple, you’re bound to find a worm.
Anyway, we’re looking forward to our date this Saturday. 10:30am your time, 1:30pm our time. Let’s make it one for the ages. It’s us against the world, baby! (And maybe, if we’re feeling it, we can even have a naughty telephone conversation afterwards.) Yes, long distance relationships are hard, but ours is a marriage made in heaven. One day, if we work hard enough together, it may even be legal.
xoxo,
New York
