“South of Nowhere” Recap: Episode 3.12 “Love and Kisses”

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We didn’t start the

fire —
Let’s rejoin the sister-fight from last week, already in progress.

Ashley is beside herself with rage after watching a video of

Kyla defaming their father and his music and calling Ashley a whore. But mostly

she’s just mad about the “whore” part.

Ashley rifles through her drawers for, oh I don’t know, a

gun? Kyla is working up some tears and apologizing, and when that doesn’t get

Ashley’s attention, she blames the fact that she was wasted on her video

bitchfest. And when that doesn’t

work, she blames Jake.

But Ash isn’t buying any of it.

Ash: Did he hold a gun to your head to make you say all those awful

things about our father and about me, how I’m a whore?

Kyla:
I know I made a mistake. What can I do to get you to forgive

me? I’ll do anything.

Ash:
You know what you can do? You can take your Soy Chips™, and

your yoga mats and your fashionista wardrobe and you can get out.

Kyla:
Come on, Ashley, I’m begging you.

But Ash just gives her the death glare.

I know she’s pissed at Kyla, and I’d want to get rid of her

too. But why blame the Soy Chips™? Those things are tasty!

Let my love open the

door
— A perky Spencer shows up later, greeted at the door by a very glum

Ashley.  But she should be used to that

by now. Because her girlfriend is such drama, Spencer’s good moods are as

short-lived as Spashley kissing scenes.

Ash tells Spencer that she needs a new phone number and

maybe even a new address. Maybe in Belize.  Ash has to run away to tropical locations

because all she owns is skimpy hooch-wear.

Wait, do they make a slutty parka?

The ever-chipper Spencer smiles and gives an

oh-golly-things-are-just-bound-to-get-better “hmmph,” and invites Ash to go to

Ego with her.  Thanks, but I think she’s

already there.

Drama queen Ash replies with great solemnity, “I haven’t

even had my coffee yet.”

Spencer tells her that this is “perfect” because they can have

coffee together at Ego!  It’s where Lily first

took her for their career-counseling session (which turned into a  gay-off.)

Ever since, Spencer can’t seem to stay away from the place.  I feel that way about Target.

Spencer:

They have these Sunday brunches, and Lily and Jonica are gonna be there.

Ash:

Wait, did they put you up to this?

Spencer:

What?

Ash:

Lily didn’t ask to do an interview?

Spencer:

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Ash:

My stupid sister and her ex-manager decided to do a video and now it’s all over

the internet

Spencer:

Oh my god, is she naked?

Ha. Good guess.