Welcome to the recap of the fall finale of Gotham! After last week’s lesbotastic ending, I was disappointed that Renee and Barbara didn’t show up at all in this episode. But Gotham is nothing if not overstuffed, and all supporting characters must wait their turn on the carousel of subplots. If it makes you feel better, go ahead and imagine that Keatoya is still banging it out in Renee’s apartment of candles and ladysex. It definitely makes me feel better.
We open on the grounds of Wayne Manor, where a slick lady assassin chokes out a poor gardener, guts him, and rubs his blood on her face. So, you know, typical Gotham Tuesday. She is joined by two more assassins, and together they storm Wayne Manor looking to kill Selina Kyle.
Meanwhile, Selina is teaching Bruce to walk on railings and keep his balance. She invites him to climb bridges and maybe make out, but Bruce plays it cool. He suspects she has an ulterior motive, and I suspect he hasn’t hit puberty yet.
Alfred unwittingly lets in the assassins, but quickly realizes his mistake and springs into ass-kicking. He gets shot in the shoulder and manages to kill one of the assassins while Selina and Bruce make a run for it. This should be a tense development, but Gotham is once again hoisted by its own prequel-based petard: we know that Bruce Wayne (and for that matter, most of the cast) is never in real danger. He has to grow up and become Batman. Selina/Penguin/Nigma/Ivy/Dent have to become super villains. Gotham is locked into its future, which lets all the air out of its present.
This may be one of the reasons why Fish Mooney is such a breath of fresh air in the world of Gotham. Because we don’t know this character, we don’t know what her fate will be. Hello, dramatic tension. Also, it doesn’t hurt that she’s played with such zeal by Jada Pinkett Smith.
Everyone assumes that the assassins were sent by Lovecraft, looking to bump off the only eyewitness to the Wayne murders. Gordon goes after Lovecraft, while Bullock and Alfred team up to find the kids. This is the BEST THING EVER, because Alfred and Bullock are straight up delightful together. They banter, they fight, they bribe…they are everything I want Gordon and Bullock to be. And while Ben McKenzie is a more than capable actor, he’s stuck in humorless good guy mode. It’s bad news when your lead is the least interesting character on your show. Gordon needs to be less Skywalker and more Han Solo for this thing to really take off.
Meanwhile, Falcone wants to know who stole his money. He invites all his capos to lunch and shoots a guy in the head for failing him. In case you didn’t know that Falcone was a Mafioso, there’s a dead guy face down in a bowl of spaghetti. Gotham don’t deal in subtlety, y’all. Falcone knows that Fish is against him, but he still thinks he can control her. Fish rounds up disgruntled capos to launch an attack while Penguin holds onto the valued information that Liza is really the mole.
On the mean streets of Gotham, Selina and Bruce run around like little scamps Oliver Twist-style, and leap from rooftop to rooftop like they’re in the opening scene of Aladdin. Selina takes him to an underground hobo party, where Bruce gets an emo makeover and meets baby Poison Ivy, who hits on him. Guys, prepubescent flirting is awkward. The kids head to Clyde, a fence that Selina uses.
Clyde works under Fish Mooney (don’t we all?) and Alfred and Bullock beg Fish for information to help find the kids. Alfred gives Fish an impassioned speech, and she seems to get a little weak in the knees. Alfred is basically cockney James Bond at this point. He’s also a better cop than the entire GCPD combined.
Gordon tracks down Lovecraft and finds out that he is not the big crime boss. He’s merely another cog in the enormous wheel of Gotham corruption. He tells Gordon that Wayne Enterprises stock went crazy before the murder, which means there is a bigger conspiracy afoot. They are interrupted by the ninja assassins, who knock out Gordon and kill Lovecraft. And by “knock out,” I mean Gordon gets his ass handed to him by the lady assassin.
Selina and Bruce visit Clyde, who is bribed by the assassins to hold onto them. The kids try to escape through a skylight before the assassins get there, but instead launch a sneak attack and run out the front door. The cops and Alfred show up and there is a big showdown between them and the assassins. The good guys win, and Bruce is reunited with Alfred, which is adorable. These two have the best relationship on the show.
Back at GCPD, Mayor James is furious about Lovecraft’s murder and blasts Dent and Gordon for trying to take down the extremely corrupt system. He forces them to rule Lovecraft’s murder a suicide, and Gordon tells him to kiss his ass. Gordon is swiftly demoted from detective to Arkham Asylum security guard, which sucks for him but is awesome for us, because we finally get to see the inner workings of Arkham.
Selina sneaks into Wayne Manor and kisses Bruce goodbye. She also takes that silver mystery box, that I assume will be important at some point down the line.
That’s it for Gotham, see you for the series return in January. Hopefully Santa will bring us more Keatoya, more Gordon backstory, and many more feathered ensembles for Fish Mooney!
