“South of Nowhere” Recap: Episode 3.11 “A Very Inconvenient Truth”


Come and get it — Things are getting even more uncomfortable

back in LA.

Jonica: Ashley? That’s why you look so familiar. You are

Ashley Davies, aren’t you?  With that

nutty sister…

Can we not go there?

Yeah, I was gonna say the same thing.

Sorry, I always seem to piss people off whenever I’m

in this house.

You’ve been in this house before?

Uh oh.

Jonica: Yeah. I heard grandma freaked when I flirted with

the birthday girl.

I’m gonna get dinner.

Yeah, Spence, you go do that.

Oh how I long for the good old days of SON catfights.  Remember when

Ashley and Madison used to tear out one another’s weaves?  I wish Ashley would serve Jonica a knuckle-sandwich for supper.

Is it a crime? — Jake is back, again, and he has a new plan

to fix Lip Sync Gate ’08. This one’s a doozy.

Jake: Now I know how to make your fans emotionally attached

to your life again.  What if you were to

disappear? Or you were to be kidnapped. Your mental state is precarious, people

get caught up in the drama. Are you safe? Are you hiding? Are you a victim of

foul play?

Kyla: Well which one is it?

Jake: It doesn’t matter. It’s all about manipulating


Is Jake’s last name Rove?

Because this story is positively diabolical!

Plus, this stunt has totally been done before.

Kyla finally has an “aha” moment and kicks Jake to the curb

once and for all. She tells him she’s going to hold a press conference and

spill her guts.  Jake tells her if she

does this, then he’ll have nothing to do with her.  When she reminds him that she’s actually hoping this will happen, he switches

gears.  Jake tells her, “You go to the

press, and you will deeply regret it.”

I have an idea of what he might be intimating. Anybody seen

Jake’s video camera lately?

Ain’t no mountain high enough  — Arthur is sitting around the campfire with

Dumb and Dumber, passive aggressively remarking on the deliciousness of the

peanut butter and jelly sandwiches they just ate.  Then he does the unforgiveable, asking for

the play-by-play of exactly how Glen screwed everything up.  The post-mortem won’t bring back the steaks,

and Glen already feels bad enough.  Hell,

I even feel bad for Glen. Arthur then

harps on him about how he should do things “next time.”

Glen: Maybe if there IS a next time—

Uhh…who’s up for another PB and J?

Why not?

I’m not really hungry, thanks though.

You know, for most people, being up in the mountains

increases their appetite.

In other words, “I’ll bet big, strapping, handsome Aiden

would eat another sandwich!”

Glen: Well I guess I’m not “most people” then.

What’s on the game plan for tomorrow?

: Early in and often!

Check out these flies that I tied.

(examining fishing flies) Sweet.

Then Arthur starts rambling about having a tart for dessert (I’m

assuming he doesn’t mean Aiden) and Glen stomps away into the woods, presumably

to drown himself in the nearby river.

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