“South of Nowhere” Recap: Episode 3.11 “A Very Inconvenient Truth”

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Spencer forces a titter and Ashley scowls at them both.

Spencer: Um, did you, like, want to stay for a bit or

something?

Jonica: For a minute.

Sure, thanks.

Ashley: Cool. I’m

just going to go upstairs and change into something less comfortable.

She stomps upstairs as Spencer graciously invites the little

home-wrecker inside.

Peace be with you — Jake is trying to convince Kyla that she

hasn’t totally screwed herself with her lip syncing stunt.  He tells her that Ethan still loves her, and

when that fails to cheer her up he offers her a little mood enhancer.  She’s finally smart enough to just say no. Reading

nasty comments about herself on the web has had a sobering effect on her, so

she shares them with Jake.

Jake: Why don’t you do your most chill yoga routine …

Kyla:
Listen to this:

“Kyla is a pile-a you-know-what” or look at this, “She’s a bogus,

no-talent ala Ashlee Simpson”

Has she been reading these recaps?

She tells him that it is way too late for damage control and

that no one will believe the spin.  He

tries to convince her that the second she gets back on stage, “Bam! You’re

smack back in everyone’s hearts again.”

The only problem, Kyla reminds him, is that this means she’ll have to

lip sync again.  Jake tells her that

everyone has “signed off” on their little do-over plan, even Ashley.  Kyla knows this isn’t the case because she’s

already told Ashley the truth, and she tells Jake that she’s confessed.

Jake’s eyes pop out of his head cartoon-style. He tells her that

he doesn’t care if Ashley “is the damn Pope,” Kyla isn’t allowed to confess to anything without his permission and that

she’s the one who has now created a disaster.

I stopped listening when Jake mentioned Pope Ashley. I was immediately

overwhelmed by an unholy image:

She got her mitre

at Wet Seal.

Spoiled rotten — Arthur, Glen and Aiden arrive at their

designated scenic location in the Sierras. By the look on Arthur’s face, it’s

easy to see that something has gone terribly wrong.  And by the look on Glen’s face, it’s easy to

see that it was probably Glen’s fault.

When they finally break the uncomfortable silence, Arthur

unleashes on Glen for getting them lost (unfortunately “shotgun” also included

navigational responsibilities).  And just

when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, they discover that Arthur’s ponzu

fillets are now rotten. Of course, this is also Glen’s fault because he didn’t

put ice in the cooler. Glen sheepishly asks, “Oh, uh, was I supposed to do

that?” Aiden gives him a condescending look of disappointment and Arthur says

nothing. Why waste words when you’ve got the silent treatment right there at

your fingertips?

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