“South of Nowhere” Recap: Episode 3.10 “Spencer’s 18th Birthday”

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Ashley wants to rehearse, but

Kyla begs off. She still claims to be sick and wants to rest her voice

for their live performance.

Jake defends Kyla’s party

lifestyle, and Ashley pulls her aside for a pep talk. She starts

with, “I know it isn’t you…” to which Kyla practically screeches,

“What?!?!” No, Ashley doesn’t mean that she knows Kyla’s

“voice” on the track was a fraud. She means that she knows

music isn’t Kyla’s thing, and that she’s only doing it for Ashley.

Really? Because I thought she

was doing it because she wanted the attention.

Oh well, no matter. Ashley’s

words are kind enough to make Kyla feel guilty about her fraudulent

vocal track on their song. She’s just about to spill the beans when

Jake overhears and quickly separates them.

A new world’s record

In what has to be the fastest elimination process of all time,

Chelsea learns that she’s been selected to design Clay’s memorial.

Seriously, when she gets the call she’s standing just outside the

door of where she went to meet the judges just minutes before.

She’s thrilled, and Glen is too because it gives him a legitimate

reason to hug her.

They dash off to Spencer’s

party and announce the good news. Everyone is shrieking and jumping

for joy when Glen spies Aiden and Arthur nuzzling behind the grill in

their matching aprons. Glen offers to help but is rejected. When all

else fails, he taunts Aiden for wearing the apron. That doesn’t work

either.

Glen has been replaced.

Guess who’s coming to

dinner
Ding dong. No, the witch isn’t dead. She’s

upstairs in Spencer’s room, probably snooping in her things. Anyway,

at the door is the lesbian contingency, Lily and her “friend” Johnaca.

Johnaca looks like the love

child of The L Word’s Shane and Amanda Barrett from The Ditty Bops.

Which means that she might

break your heart, but she’ll do it melodically.

We’re supposed to know that

Johnaca is a bad girl because she brings beer to the party and makes

eyes at Spencer while her arm is slung over Lily. We’ll see if The

Seed lets her keep that slutty arm of hers or if she rips it off by

the end of the barbecue

The same old song and dance

Ashley steals a moment to call Spencer and tell her how much

she loves and misses her. But just as she’s hanging up, Ethan

enters the room and he’s clearly on a mission.

After some obligatory work

small talk, Ethan makes his move on Ashley. She’s surprised,

but he calls her out on her mixed messages. Citing “the flirting”

and “the almosts,” Ethan tells her she’s the “one that got away.”

Ashley essentially tells him “thanks, but no thanks,” and professes

her love for Spencer.

We don’t need another

hero —
Back at the barbecue, Glen watches glumly as Aiden and

Arthur shred some plastic together (i.e. play Guitar Hero). It’s is

a little creepy; Aiden telling Arthur that he’s “pretty good for

an old guy” and Arthur excitedly telling Aiden how “awesome” he

is at the game. The irony is that Glen is probably even more awesome

than Aiden at Guitar Hero. Aiden has school and hobbies, Glen is unemployed

and injured. Who has the most time to devote to their craft?

Chelsea finds Glen watching

them, and she reminds him that he is allowed to join in the fun. He’s

not interested, as the whole “parent as pal” dynamic weirds him

out. Chelsea knows that’s not really the case and reminds him that

Arthur has lost a son, so maybe Glen should cut him a little slack.

I think that since Arthur has

lost a son he should pay attention to the son that remains, not try

to find a more buff, less dorky version of Clay to bond with. No wonder

Glen has such a complex! Chelsea makes it all a little better

by telling Glen that he’s awesome and flirting with him a little.

Who needs therapy?

Hungry like the wolf

At the barbecue, Spencer and Lily watch in awe as Johnaca makes

herself a s’more. Bad girls do everything better, right?

Johnaca:

I don’t think I’ve made a s’more before.

Spencer:


Really?

Johnaca:


I’m from New York, we don’t exactly s’more it up in Brooklyn.

Spencer:


But weren’t you like a Girl Scout or something?

Johnaca:


Hell yeah! But I was busy doing s’more of something else in the woods,

if you know what I mean.

This is the weirdest conversation

ever.

Lily: Too

much information, John.

Spencer:


(shocked and giggling) That’s hilarious!

Johnaca:


(leering) I like Spencer. She gets me.

Lily:
No,

I just think she thinks you’re cute.

What the hell? Are these girls

swingers?

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