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“Top Chef” Recaps: Episode 4.3 “Block Party”

Spike: We kind of made the block party. Tom: All right, everyone tasted Zoi’s pasta and everybody thought it was good? Then you guys collectively have really poor palates, ’cause it was bland, it was oily and it had no flavor at all.

Oh, double snap. But instead of throwing Zoi under the bus, her teammates comfort her and Erik tells the judges that the pasta salad wasn’t Zoi’s choice.

At this point Andrew has had enough and says their team’s effort and camaraderie should have put them over the top. He also says they’d have to drag him out with security before he’d leave because “this is my house.” Tom looks like he is not sure if he should laugh or run.

Once, twice, three times the terrible – Sent back to await their fate, the Red(-faced) Team members grouse. The judges grouse, too. Their decision boils down to three terrible dishes: the soggy Waldorf salad, the soggy corn dog and the flavorless pasta salad.

Zoi kicks herself for not speaking up against the pasta salad. Chefbian Jennifer realizes her girlfriend may be the one sent home. You can see by the look on her face the amount of processing that they’d have to do if Zoi got kicked off first. She’d better just hope the show crowns its first dual Top Chefs.

Once back facing the judges, the cheftestants get spanked by Tom some more. But who has to pack his/her knives and go? Erik.

Big bear hugs all around for departing Erik. A relieved Zoi later tells the cameras that she is sorry to see him go, but, “I’m glad it wasn’t me who had to go home for pasta salad. That would have been super embarrassing.” I don’t know, Zoi. I think being sent home for corn dogs is about as embarrassing as it gets. And don’t forget, he gave the world the abomination known as nacho soufflé back in the first Elimination Challenge. An unholy creation like that you never live down.

Next time on Top Chef: Plastic wrap does not flambé. Richard Roeper gives the thumbs-up. Andrew is Dorf on Cooking.

Spike: You have to take in consideration that you guys are four people on the panel that have very good palates, intense palates. You can taste food better than others. Jennifer: But we were cooking for the neighborhood.

Psst, Jennifer, you just totally blew your girlfriend’s argument. But Spike can’t leave well enough alone and tries to reason his way out of sucking. He says everyone tasted everyone else’s dishes and was happy with them.

Spike: We kind of made the block party. Tom: All right, everyone tasted Zoi’s pasta and everybody thought it was good? Then you guys collectively have really poor palates, ’cause it was bland, it was oily and it had no flavor at all.

Oh, double snap. But instead of throwing Zoi under the bus, her teammates comfort her and Erik tells the judges that the pasta salad wasn’t Zoi’s choice.

At this point Andrew has had enough and says their team’s effort and camaraderie should have put them over the top. He also says they’d have to drag him out with security before he’d leave because “this is my house.” Tom looks like he is not sure if he should laugh or run.

Once, twice, three times the terrible – Sent back to await their fate, the Red(-faced) Team members grouse. The judges grouse, too. Their decision boils down to three terrible dishes: the soggy Waldorf salad, the soggy corn dog and the flavorless pasta salad.

Zoi kicks herself for not speaking up against the pasta salad. Chefbian Jennifer realizes her girlfriend may be the one sent home. You can see by the look on her face the amount of processing that they’d have to do if Zoi got kicked off first. She’d better just hope the show crowns its first dual Top Chefs.

Once back facing the judges, the cheftestants get spanked by Tom some more. But who has to pack his/her knives and go? Erik.

Big bear hugs all around for departing Erik. A relieved Zoi later tells the cameras that she is sorry to see him go, but, “I’m glad it wasn’t me who had to go home for pasta salad. That would have been super embarrassing.” I don’t know, Zoi. I think being sent home for corn dogs is about as embarrassing as it gets. And don’t forget, he gave the world the abomination known as nacho soufflé back in the first Elimination Challenge. An unholy creation like that you never live down.

Next time on Top Chef: Plastic wrap does not flambé. Richard Roeper gives the thumbs-up. Andrew is Dorf on Cooking.

Zoi: We just decided that it was middle America, block party, kids. Tom: That is fine, but does that mean you should dumb down what you’re doing? Zoi: No, that’s not what we were doing at all.

Next on the firing line is Ryan’s Waldorf salad. Too much chicken and too little crunch equals a soggy gloop. Now it’s Spike’s turn to try to cauterize the wound.

Spike: You have to take in consideration that you guys are four people on the panel that have very good palates, intense palates. You can taste food better than others. Jennifer: But we were cooking for the neighborhood.

Psst, Jennifer, you just totally blew your girlfriend’s argument. But Spike can’t leave well enough alone and tries to reason his way out of sucking. He says everyone tasted everyone else’s dishes and was happy with them.

Spike: We kind of made the block party. Tom: All right, everyone tasted Zoi’s pasta and everybody thought it was good? Then you guys collectively have really poor palates, ’cause it was bland, it was oily and it had no flavor at all.

Oh, double snap. But instead of throwing Zoi under the bus, her teammates comfort her and Erik tells the judges that the pasta salad wasn’t Zoi’s choice.

At this point Andrew has had enough and says their team’s effort and camaraderie should have put them over the top. He also says they’d have to drag him out with security before he’d leave because “this is my house.” Tom looks like he is not sure if he should laugh or run.

Once, twice, three times the terrible – Sent back to await their fate, the Red(-faced) Team members grouse. The judges grouse, too. Their decision boils down to three terrible dishes: the soggy Waldorf salad, the soggy corn dog and the flavorless pasta salad.

Zoi kicks herself for not speaking up against the pasta salad. Chefbian Jennifer realizes her girlfriend may be the one sent home. You can see by the look on her face the amount of processing that they’d have to do if Zoi got kicked off first. She’d better just hope the show crowns its first dual Top Chefs.

Once back facing the judges, the cheftestants get spanked by Tom some more. But who has to pack his/her knives and go? Erik.

Big bear hugs all around for departing Erik. A relieved Zoi later tells the cameras that she is sorry to see him go, but, “I’m glad it wasn’t me who had to go home for pasta salad. That would have been super embarrassing.” I don’t know, Zoi. I think being sent home for corn dogs is about as embarrassing as it gets. And don’t forget, he gave the world the abomination known as nacho soufflé back in the first Elimination Challenge. An unholy creation like that you never live down.

Next time on Top Chef: Plastic wrap does not flambé. Richard Roeper gives the thumbs-up. Andrew is Dorf on Cooking.

Spike: I thought we kicked their ass, to be honest. Padma: You didn’t.

Oh, snap. The soggy corn dogs are the first to come under fire. Erik says they’re “as good as [he] can do with hot dogs.” Zoi tries to stem the bleeding by explaining their approach.

Zoi: We just decided that it was middle America, block party, kids. Tom: That is fine, but does that mean you should dumb down what you’re doing? Zoi: No, that’s not what we were doing at all.

Next on the firing line is Ryan’s Waldorf salad. Too much chicken and too little crunch equals a soggy gloop. Now it’s Spike’s turn to try to cauterize the wound.

Spike: You have to take in consideration that you guys are four people on the panel that have very good palates, intense palates. You can taste food better than others. Jennifer: But we were cooking for the neighborhood.

Psst, Jennifer, you just totally blew your girlfriend’s argument. But Spike can’t leave well enough alone and tries to reason his way out of sucking. He says everyone tasted everyone else’s dishes and was happy with them.

Spike: We kind of made the block party. Tom: All right, everyone tasted Zoi’s pasta and everybody thought it was good? Then you guys collectively have really poor palates, ’cause it was bland, it was oily and it had no flavor at all.

Oh, double snap. But instead of throwing Zoi under the bus, her teammates comfort her and Erik tells the judges that the pasta salad wasn’t Zoi’s choice.

At this point Andrew has had enough and says their team’s effort and camaraderie should have put them over the top. He also says they’d have to drag him out with security before he’d leave because “this is my house.” Tom looks like he is not sure if he should laugh or run.

Once, twice, three times the terrible – Sent back to await their fate, the Red(-faced) Team members grouse. The judges grouse, too. Their decision boils down to three terrible dishes: the soggy Waldorf salad, the soggy corn dog and the flavorless pasta salad.

Zoi kicks herself for not speaking up against the pasta salad. Chefbian Jennifer realizes her girlfriend may be the one sent home. You can see by the look on her face the amount of processing that they’d have to do if Zoi got kicked off first. She’d better just hope the show crowns its first dual Top Chefs.

Once back facing the judges, the cheftestants get spanked by Tom some more. But who has to pack his/her knives and go? Erik.

Big bear hugs all around for departing Erik. A relieved Zoi later tells the cameras that she is sorry to see him go, but, “I’m glad it wasn’t me who had to go home for pasta salad. That would have been super embarrassing.” I don’t know, Zoi. I think being sent home for corn dogs is about as embarrassing as it gets. And don’t forget, he gave the world the abomination known as nacho soufflé back in the first Elimination Challenge. An unholy creation like that you never live down.

Next time on Top Chef: Plastic wrap does not flambé. Richard Roeper gives the thumbs-up. Andrew is Dorf on Cooking.

Tom: Considering the first two challenges, I was expecting a lot more from this team. And this just kind of left me asking, Is this the same group of people?

Then the judges start to pick them apart one by one. Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheesetastrophe formed a brick. Richard’s paella was a rice pilaf in disguise. And Stephanie’s fruit crisp and sexy drink were, actually, really yummy.

So the Blue Team was the winning team after all. Everyone celebrates in their own way: Some pray, some sigh, some look like they want to vomit.

Padma warns them that they only won by a small margin, but a win is a win. Antonia’s bean salad and Stephanie’s fruit wonton dessert are the judges’ favorites. In fact, Tom says the latter is probably why they won. So Stephanie picks up the win and lays the demons of underfried chips to rest. Gosh, she is adorable. It’s official: She is now an honorary chefbian. So is it written; so it shall be.

Tom chides them one more time before asking them to send in the real losers. The no-longer Blues stoically tell the no-longer Cockies that Padma wants to see them. Blue Team has the good manners to not gloat and dance and play the didgeridoo until after their bested competition has left the room. (P.S. How adorable is Stephanie’s little robot dance? I’m so glad I made her a chefbian, even if only in my mind.)

Not going gently into that good night – Inside with the judges, the Red Team is seeing red. Padma asks Ryan what got them there and he honestly doesn’t know. Spike takes it even further.

Spike: I thought we kicked their ass, to be honest. Padma: You didn’t.

Oh, snap. The soggy corn dogs are the first to come under fire. Erik says they’re “as good as [he] can do with hot dogs.” Zoi tries to stem the bleeding by explaining their approach.

Zoi: We just decided that it was middle America, block party, kids. Tom: That is fine, but does that mean you should dumb down what you’re doing? Zoi: No, that’s not what we were doing at all.

Next on the firing line is Ryan’s Waldorf salad. Too much chicken and too little crunch equals a soggy gloop. Now it’s Spike’s turn to try to cauterize the wound.

Spike: You have to take in consideration that you guys are four people on the panel that have very good palates, intense palates. You can taste food better than others. Jennifer: But we were cooking for the neighborhood.

Psst, Jennifer, you just totally blew your girlfriend’s argument. But Spike can’t leave well enough alone and tries to reason his way out of sucking. He says everyone tasted everyone else’s dishes and was happy with them.

Spike: We kind of made the block party. Tom: All right, everyone tasted Zoi’s pasta and everybody thought it was good? Then you guys collectively have really poor palates, ’cause it was bland, it was oily and it had no flavor at all.

Oh, double snap. But instead of throwing Zoi under the bus, her teammates comfort her and Erik tells the judges that the pasta salad wasn’t Zoi’s choice.

At this point Andrew has had enough and says their team’s effort and camaraderie should have put them over the top. He also says they’d have to drag him out with security before he’d leave because “this is my house.” Tom looks like he is not sure if he should laugh or run.

Once, twice, three times the terrible – Sent back to await their fate, the Red(-faced) Team members grouse. The judges grouse, too. Their decision boils down to three terrible dishes: the soggy Waldorf salad, the soggy corn dog and the flavorless pasta salad.

Zoi kicks herself for not speaking up against the pasta salad. Chefbian Jennifer realizes her girlfriend may be the one sent home. You can see by the look on her face the amount of processing that they’d have to do if Zoi got kicked off first. She’d better just hope the show crowns its first dual Top Chefs.

Once back facing the judges, the cheftestants get spanked by Tom some more. But who has to pack his/her knives and go? Erik.

Big bear hugs all around for departing Erik. A relieved Zoi later tells the cameras that she is sorry to see him go, but, “I’m glad it wasn’t me who had to go home for pasta salad. That would have been super embarrassing.” I don’t know, Zoi. I think being sent home for corn dogs is about as embarrassing as it gets. And don’t forget, he gave the world the abomination known as nacho soufflé back in the first Elimination Challenge. An unholy creation like that you never live down.

Next time on Top Chef: Plastic wrap does not flambé. Richard Roeper gives the thumbs-up. Andrew is Dorf on Cooking.

Tom: You know, the funny thing is, the mayonnaise is what keeps everything fresh.

The look on Ryan’s face foretells another epic chicken “McNuggets” piccata disaster in the making.

Have food, will travel – Blue Team member Nikki worries her mac ‘n’ cheese may be fatally flawed because of the lag time between completion and service at the block party. Yeah, have you ever seen what Velveeta does once congealed? It ain’t pretty, people. And over on Team Sexy, Erik worries about his dish’s lag time too, but for more mushy reasons. His fried corn dogs will have to sit in a hot box and could lose their crisp. Dry mac ‘n’ cheese and soggy corn dogs; it really is like block party food.

Dishes packed, the teams arrive at the block party and have 20 minutes to set up. As suspected, Erik’s corn dogs went limp and Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheese got hard. Ahem. But this is no time to let them see you sweat, because the judges have arrived. Joining Padma, Tom and Rick is former Queer Eye for the Straight Guyfoodie Ted Allen.

The neighborhood descends on the team tables. Plates are filled, s’mores are blowtorch brû léed. The judges stop at the Blue table first. Ted and Padma seem particularly excited by Stephanie’s streusel fruit crumble with cinnamon gyoza/wonton. Then they leave and they keep all their catty comments about each dish to themselves. No fair!

Over at the Sexy table, Padma and Ted load up and light up when they see the s’mores. Geez, those things work on everyone. But Padma experiences a s’mores malfunction and drops hers on Ted’s no-doubt very expensive shoes. Oh, girl, don’t mess with a gay man’s footwear. Ted assures her that she’ll be receiving a bill in the mail.

Slam-dunk dining – Spike says Team Red Sexy Cocky has the challenge in the bag because they’re more charismatic and have “the schmooze factor.” The judges, once again, give nothing away. Catty comments, we demand catty comments.

Instead, the chefs have to talk their own trash. Blue Team honorary chefbian Richard brings the claws out and assures his people that “little hamburgers aren’t that great.” But inside he worries about Team Cocky’s outward displays of dominance. They’re slapping high fives and playing hoops and drinking beers without a care in the world. Dominance? More like dumbinance.

Back in the judging waiting room, Team Cocky continues its swagger. Across the circle, Blue Team color-coordinates with its mood. Padma comes to the entrance and asks for – wait for it, wait for it – the Blue Team. And that, my friends, is how you deflate an overinflated ego. Any questions?

Lesser of two evils – At Judges’ Table, the stone-faced panel gives nothing away. In fact, Tom chastises the team for a bit.

Tom: Considering the first two challenges, I was expecting a lot more from this team. And this just kind of left me asking, Is this the same group of people?

Then the judges start to pick them apart one by one. Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheesetastrophe formed a brick. Richard’s paella was a rice pilaf in disguise. And Stephanie’s fruit crisp and sexy drink were, actually, really yummy.

So the Blue Team was the winning team after all. Everyone celebrates in their own way: Some pray, some sigh, some look like they want to vomit.

Padma warns them that they only won by a small margin, but a win is a win. Antonia’s bean salad and Stephanie’s fruit wonton dessert are the judges’ favorites. In fact, Tom says the latter is probably why they won. So Stephanie picks up the win and lays the demons of underfried chips to rest. Gosh, she is adorable. It’s official: She is now an honorary chefbian. So is it written; so it shall be.

Tom chides them one more time before asking them to send in the real losers. The no-longer Blues stoically tell the no-longer Cockies that Padma wants to see them. Blue Team has the good manners to not gloat and dance and play the didgeridoo until after their bested competition has left the room. (P.S. How adorable is Stephanie’s little robot dance? I’m so glad I made her a chefbian, even if only in my mind.)

Not going gently into that good night – Inside with the judges, the Red Team is seeing red. Padma asks Ryan what got them there and he honestly doesn’t know. Spike takes it even further.

Spike: I thought we kicked their ass, to be honest. Padma: You didn’t.

Oh, snap. The soggy corn dogs are the first to come under fire. Erik says they’re “as good as [he] can do with hot dogs.” Zoi tries to stem the bleeding by explaining their approach.

Zoi: We just decided that it was middle America, block party, kids. Tom: That is fine, but does that mean you should dumb down what you’re doing? Zoi: No, that’s not what we were doing at all.

Next on the firing line is Ryan’s Waldorf salad. Too much chicken and too little crunch equals a soggy gloop. Now it’s Spike’s turn to try to cauterize the wound.

Spike: You have to take in consideration that you guys are four people on the panel that have very good palates, intense palates. You can taste food better than others. Jennifer: But we were cooking for the neighborhood.

Psst, Jennifer, you just totally blew your girlfriend’s argument. But Spike can’t leave well enough alone and tries to reason his way out of sucking. He says everyone tasted everyone else’s dishes and was happy with them.

Spike: We kind of made the block party. Tom: All right, everyone tasted Zoi’s pasta and everybody thought it was good? Then you guys collectively have really poor palates, ’cause it was bland, it was oily and it had no flavor at all.

Oh, double snap. But instead of throwing Zoi under the bus, her teammates comfort her and Erik tells the judges that the pasta salad wasn’t Zoi’s choice.

At this point Andrew has had enough and says their team’s effort and camaraderie should have put them over the top. He also says they’d have to drag him out with security before he’d leave because “this is my house.” Tom looks like he is not sure if he should laugh or run.

Once, twice, three times the terrible – Sent back to await their fate, the Red(-faced) Team members grouse. The judges grouse, too. Their decision boils down to three terrible dishes: the soggy Waldorf salad, the soggy corn dog and the flavorless pasta salad.

Zoi kicks herself for not speaking up against the pasta salad. Chefbian Jennifer realizes her girlfriend may be the one sent home. You can see by the look on her face the amount of processing that they’d have to do if Zoi got kicked off first. She’d better just hope the show crowns its first dual Top Chefs.

Once back facing the judges, the cheftestants get spanked by Tom some more. But who has to pack his/her knives and go? Erik.

Big bear hugs all around for departing Erik. A relieved Zoi later tells the cameras that she is sorry to see him go, but, “I’m glad it wasn’t me who had to go home for pasta salad. That would have been super embarrassing.” I don’t know, Zoi. I think being sent home for corn dogs is about as embarrassing as it gets. And don’t forget, he gave the world the abomination known as nacho soufflé back in the first Elimination Challenge. An unholy creation like that you never live down.

Next time on Top Chef: Plastic wrap does not flambé. Richard Roeper gives the thumbs-up. Andrew is Dorf on Cooking.

Zoi: It’s not, like, a Top Chef winner. You know, like, I won Top Chef by making f—ing pasta salad? I mean, it’s not going to happen. I’m feeling a little bit like I should have said something.

Dale thinks he should have said something too. He worries their corn dogs and sliders won’t be refined enough for the judges. But, hey, they’ve got a killer Super Bowl party menu going.

Peeping Tom – Head Judge Tom Colicchio comes in to check up on the progress. He immediately cuts through all this sexy business. What makes Blue Team’s “sexy drink” sexy? Apparently, lavender. Whew, and I was worried it would be Axe body spray. And why are Team Sexy’s dishes the winning dishes? Apparently, heart. Luckily they mean that metaphorically, because giblets gross me out.

Over at Ryan’s station, Chef Tall, Dark and Handsome tells Tom about the mayonnaise-less Waldorf salad he is preparing.

Tom: You know, the funny thing is, the mayonnaise is what keeps everything fresh.

The look on Ryan’s face foretells another epic chicken “McNuggets” piccata disaster in the making.

Have food, will travel – Blue Team member Nikki worries her mac ‘n’ cheese may be fatally flawed because of the lag time between completion and service at the block party. Yeah, have you ever seen what Velveeta does once congealed? It ain’t pretty, people. And over on Team Sexy, Erik worries about his dish’s lag time too, but for more mushy reasons. His fried corn dogs will have to sit in a hot box and could lose their crisp. Dry mac ‘n’ cheese and soggy corn dogs; it really is like block party food.

Dishes packed, the teams arrive at the block party and have 20 minutes to set up. As suspected, Erik’s corn dogs went limp and Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheese got hard. Ahem. But this is no time to let them see you sweat, because the judges have arrived. Joining Padma, Tom and Rick is former Queer Eye for the Straight Guyfoodie Ted Allen.

The neighborhood descends on the team tables. Plates are filled, s’mores are blowtorch brû léed. The judges stop at the Blue table first. Ted and Padma seem particularly excited by Stephanie’s streusel fruit crumble with cinnamon gyoza/wonton. Then they leave and they keep all their catty comments about each dish to themselves. No fair!

Over at the Sexy table, Padma and Ted load up and light up when they see the s’mores. Geez, those things work on everyone. But Padma experiences a s’mores malfunction and drops hers on Ted’s no-doubt very expensive shoes. Oh, girl, don’t mess with a gay man’s footwear. Ted assures her that she’ll be receiving a bill in the mail.

Slam-dunk dining – Spike says Team Red Sexy Cocky has the challenge in the bag because they’re more charismatic and have “the schmooze factor.” The judges, once again, give nothing away. Catty comments, we demand catty comments.

Instead, the chefs have to talk their own trash. Blue Team honorary chefbian Richard brings the claws out and assures his people that “little hamburgers aren’t that great.” But inside he worries about Team Cocky’s outward displays of dominance. They’re slapping high fives and playing hoops and drinking beers without a care in the world. Dominance? More like dumbinance.

Back in the judging waiting room, Team Cocky continues its swagger. Across the circle, Blue Team color-coordinates with its mood. Padma comes to the entrance and asks for – wait for it, wait for it – the Blue Team. And that, my friends, is how you deflate an overinflated ego. Any questions?

Lesser of two evils – At Judges’ Table, the stone-faced panel gives nothing away. In fact, Tom chastises the team for a bit.

Tom: Considering the first two challenges, I was expecting a lot more from this team. And this just kind of left me asking, Is this the same group of people?

Then the judges start to pick them apart one by one. Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheesetastrophe formed a brick. Richard’s paella was a rice pilaf in disguise. And Stephanie’s fruit crisp and sexy drink were, actually, really yummy.

So the Blue Team was the winning team after all. Everyone celebrates in their own way: Some pray, some sigh, some look like they want to vomit.

Padma warns them that they only won by a small margin, but a win is a win. Antonia’s bean salad and Stephanie’s fruit wonton dessert are the judges’ favorites. In fact, Tom says the latter is probably why they won. So Stephanie picks up the win and lays the demons of underfried chips to rest. Gosh, she is adorable. It’s official: She is now an honorary chefbian. So is it written; so it shall be.

Tom chides them one more time before asking them to send in the real losers. The no-longer Blues stoically tell the no-longer Cockies that Padma wants to see them. Blue Team has the good manners to not gloat and dance and play the didgeridoo until after their bested competition has left the room. (P.S. How adorable is Stephanie’s little robot dance? I’m so glad I made her a chefbian, even if only in my mind.)

Not going gently into that good night – Inside with the judges, the Red Team is seeing red. Padma asks Ryan what got them there and he honestly doesn’t know. Spike takes it even further.

Spike: I thought we kicked their ass, to be honest. Padma: You didn’t.

Oh, snap. The soggy corn dogs are the first to come under fire. Erik says they’re “as good as [he] can do with hot dogs.” Zoi tries to stem the bleeding by explaining their approach.

Zoi: We just decided that it was middle America, block party, kids. Tom: That is fine, but does that mean you should dumb down what you’re doing? Zoi: No, that’s not what we were doing at all.

Next on the firing line is Ryan’s Waldorf salad. Too much chicken and too little crunch equals a soggy gloop. Now it’s Spike’s turn to try to cauterize the wound.

Spike: You have to take in consideration that you guys are four people on the panel that have very good palates, intense palates. You can taste food better than others. Jennifer: But we were cooking for the neighborhood.

Psst, Jennifer, you just totally blew your girlfriend’s argument. But Spike can’t leave well enough alone and tries to reason his way out of sucking. He says everyone tasted everyone else’s dishes and was happy with them.

Spike: We kind of made the block party. Tom: All right, everyone tasted Zoi’s pasta and everybody thought it was good? Then you guys collectively have really poor palates, ’cause it was bland, it was oily and it had no flavor at all.

Oh, double snap. But instead of throwing Zoi under the bus, her teammates comfort her and Erik tells the judges that the pasta salad wasn’t Zoi’s choice.

At this point Andrew has had enough and says their team’s effort and camaraderie should have put them over the top. He also says they’d have to drag him out with security before he’d leave because “this is my house.” Tom looks like he is not sure if he should laugh or run.

Once, twice, three times the terrible – Sent back to await their fate, the Red(-faced) Team members grouse. The judges grouse, too. Their decision boils down to three terrible dishes: the soggy Waldorf salad, the soggy corn dog and the flavorless pasta salad.

Zoi kicks herself for not speaking up against the pasta salad. Chefbian Jennifer realizes her girlfriend may be the one sent home. You can see by the look on her face the amount of processing that they’d have to do if Zoi got kicked off first. She’d better just hope the show crowns its first dual Top Chefs.

Once back facing the judges, the cheftestants get spanked by Tom some more. But who has to pack his/her knives and go? Erik.

Big bear hugs all around for departing Erik. A relieved Zoi later tells the cameras that she is sorry to see him go, but, “I’m glad it wasn’t me who had to go home for pasta salad. That would have been super embarrassing.” I don’t know, Zoi. I think being sent home for corn dogs is about as embarrassing as it gets. And don’t forget, he gave the world the abomination known as nacho soufflé back in the first Elimination Challenge. An unholy creation like that you never live down.

Next time on Top Chef: Plastic wrap does not flambé. Richard Roeper gives the thumbs-up. Andrew is Dorf on Cooking.

Andrew: You guys smell that? Successss!

Hmm, does that smell anything like napalm in the morning?

I’m too sexy for my apron – The rest of Team Sexy busy themselves with the picnic food at hand. The dishes they hope will dazzle the crowd? Jennifer has sliders; Erik, corn dogs; Dale, pork skewers; Andrew, sangria; Ryan, Waldorf salad; Zoi, pasta salad; Spike, taco salad; and team effort on the s’mores.

But Zoi is none too happy with her assignment. The pasta salad wasn’t her idea; it was just all that was left. Again, I’m having a kickball flashback.

Zoi: It’s not, like, a Top Chef winner. You know, like, I won Top Chef by making f—ing pasta salad? I mean, it’s not going to happen. I’m feeling a little bit like I should have said something.

Dale thinks he should have said something too. He worries their corn dogs and sliders won’t be refined enough for the judges. But, hey, they’ve got a killer Super Bowl party menu going.

Peeping Tom – Head Judge Tom Colicchio comes in to check up on the progress. He immediately cuts through all this sexy business. What makes Blue Team’s “sexy drink” sexy? Apparently, lavender. Whew, and I was worried it would be Axe body spray. And why are Team Sexy’s dishes the winning dishes? Apparently, heart. Luckily they mean that metaphorically, because giblets gross me out.

Over at Ryan’s station, Chef Tall, Dark and Handsome tells Tom about the mayonnaise-less Waldorf salad he is preparing.

Tom: You know, the funny thing is, the mayonnaise is what keeps everything fresh.

The look on Ryan’s face foretells another epic chicken “McNuggets” piccata disaster in the making.

Have food, will travel – Blue Team member Nikki worries her mac ‘n’ cheese may be fatally flawed because of the lag time between completion and service at the block party. Yeah, have you ever seen what Velveeta does once congealed? It ain’t pretty, people. And over on Team Sexy, Erik worries about his dish’s lag time too, but for more mushy reasons. His fried corn dogs will have to sit in a hot box and could lose their crisp. Dry mac ‘n’ cheese and soggy corn dogs; it really is like block party food.

Dishes packed, the teams arrive at the block party and have 20 minutes to set up. As suspected, Erik’s corn dogs went limp and Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheese got hard. Ahem. But this is no time to let them see you sweat, because the judges have arrived. Joining Padma, Tom and Rick is former Queer Eye for the Straight Guyfoodie Ted Allen.

The neighborhood descends on the team tables. Plates are filled, s’mores are blowtorch brû léed. The judges stop at the Blue table first. Ted and Padma seem particularly excited by Stephanie’s streusel fruit crumble with cinnamon gyoza/wonton. Then they leave and they keep all their catty comments about each dish to themselves. No fair!

Over at the Sexy table, Padma and Ted load up and light up when they see the s’mores. Geez, those things work on everyone. But Padma experiences a s’mores malfunction and drops hers on Ted’s no-doubt very expensive shoes. Oh, girl, don’t mess with a gay man’s footwear. Ted assures her that she’ll be receiving a bill in the mail.

Slam-dunk dining – Spike says Team Red Sexy Cocky has the challenge in the bag because they’re more charismatic and have “the schmooze factor.” The judges, once again, give nothing away. Catty comments, we demand catty comments.

Instead, the chefs have to talk their own trash. Blue Team honorary chefbian Richard brings the claws out and assures his people that “little hamburgers aren’t that great.” But inside he worries about Team Cocky’s outward displays of dominance. They’re slapping high fives and playing hoops and drinking beers without a care in the world. Dominance? More like dumbinance.

Back in the judging waiting room, Team Cocky continues its swagger. Across the circle, Blue Team color-coordinates with its mood. Padma comes to the entrance and asks for – wait for it, wait for it – the Blue Team. And that, my friends, is how you deflate an overinflated ego. Any questions?

Lesser of two evils – At Judges’ Table, the stone-faced panel gives nothing away. In fact, Tom chastises the team for a bit.

Tom: Considering the first two challenges, I was expecting a lot more from this team. And this just kind of left me asking, Is this the same group of people?

Then the judges start to pick them apart one by one. Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheesetastrophe formed a brick. Richard’s paella was a rice pilaf in disguise. And Stephanie’s fruit crisp and sexy drink were, actually, really yummy.

So the Blue Team was the winning team after all. Everyone celebrates in their own way: Some pray, some sigh, some look like they want to vomit.

Padma warns them that they only won by a small margin, but a win is a win. Antonia’s bean salad and Stephanie’s fruit wonton dessert are the judges’ favorites. In fact, Tom says the latter is probably why they won. So Stephanie picks up the win and lays the demons of underfried chips to rest. Gosh, she is adorable. It’s official: She is now an honorary chefbian. So is it written; so it shall be.

Tom chides them one more time before asking them to send in the real losers. The no-longer Blues stoically tell the no-longer Cockies that Padma wants to see them. Blue Team has the good manners to not gloat and dance and play the didgeridoo until after their bested competition has left the room. (P.S. How adorable is Stephanie’s little robot dance? I’m so glad I made her a chefbian, even if only in my mind.)

Not going gently into that good night – Inside with the judges, the Red Team is seeing red. Padma asks Ryan what got them there and he honestly doesn’t know. Spike takes it even further.

Spike: I thought we kicked their ass, to be honest. Padma: You didn’t.

Oh, snap. The soggy corn dogs are the first to come under fire. Erik says they’re “as good as [he] can do with hot dogs.” Zoi tries to stem the bleeding by explaining their approach.

Zoi: We just decided that it was middle America, block party, kids. Tom: That is fine, but does that mean you should dumb down what you’re doing? Zoi: No, that’s not what we were doing at all.

Next on the firing line is Ryan’s Waldorf salad. Too much chicken and too little crunch equals a soggy gloop. Now it’s Spike’s turn to try to cauterize the wound.

Spike: You have to take in consideration that you guys are four people on the panel that have very good palates, intense palates. You can taste food better than others. Jennifer: But we were cooking for the neighborhood.

Psst, Jennifer, you just totally blew your girlfriend’s argument. But Spike can’t leave well enough alone and tries to reason his way out of sucking. He says everyone tasted everyone else’s dishes and was happy with them.

Spike: We kind of made the block party. Tom: All right, everyone tasted Zoi’s pasta and everybody thought it was good? Then you guys collectively have really poor palates, ’cause it was bland, it was oily and it had no flavor at all.

Oh, double snap. But instead of throwing Zoi under the bus, her teammates comfort her and Erik tells the judges that the pasta salad wasn’t Zoi’s choice.

At this point Andrew has had enough and says their team’s effort and camaraderie should have put them over the top. He also says they’d have to drag him out with security before he’d leave because “this is my house.” Tom looks like he is not sure if he should laugh or run.

Once, twice, three times the terrible – Sent back to await their fate, the Red(-faced) Team members grouse. The judges grouse, too. Their decision boils down to three terrible dishes: the soggy Waldorf salad, the soggy corn dog and the flavorless pasta salad.

Zoi kicks herself for not speaking up against the pasta salad. Chefbian Jennifer realizes her girlfriend may be the one sent home. You can see by the look on her face the amount of processing that they’d have to do if Zoi got kicked off first. She’d better just hope the show crowns its first dual Top Chefs.

Once back facing the judges, the cheftestants get spanked by Tom some more. But who has to pack his/her knives and go? Erik.

Big bear hugs all around for departing Erik. A relieved Zoi later tells the cameras that she is sorry to see him go, but, “I’m glad it wasn’t me who had to go home for pasta salad. That would have been super embarrassing.” I don’t know, Zoi. I think being sent home for corn dogs is about as embarrassing as it gets. And don’t forget, he gave the world the abomination known as nacho soufflé back in the first Elimination Challenge. An unholy creation like that you never live down.

Next time on Top Chef: Plastic wrap does not flambé. Richard Roeper gives the thumbs-up. Andrew is Dorf on Cooking.

Spike: I’m here to win, for God’s sake.

Or is he really there to win over Britney Spears?

The Red and Blue teams show their inherent differences right away in their menus. Reserved Blue goes upscale; gregarious Red goes classic Americana. Playing to the judges versus playing to the crowd – gee, wonder how that’ll go.

Fired up and ready to cook – Three hours of cooking gets slicing and dicing. Blue Team members all decide to do an individual dish. Richard has paella; chefbian Lisa, slaw; Antonia, bean salad; Mark, inside-out cookie; Stephanie, fruit cobbler; Nikki, mac ‘n’ cheese; and team effort on the “sexy drink.”

Nikki proceeds to pull out two obscenely big bricks of Velveeta. Ah, yes, processed cheese: the secret ingredient of any four-star restaurant.

Stephanie decides to switch up dessert and fry gyoza wrappers with Mexican cinnamon and sugar, served with streusel-topped fruit. It’s a ballsy move considering her fried celery root chipslast week were a soggy bust.

Over on Team Sexy, confidence is the secret ingredient.

Andrew: You guys smell that? Successss!

Hmm, does that smell anything like napalm in the morning?

I’m too sexy for my apron – The rest of Team Sexy busy themselves with the picnic food at hand. The dishes they hope will dazzle the crowd? Jennifer has sliders; Erik, corn dogs; Dale, pork skewers; Andrew, sangria; Ryan, Waldorf salad; Zoi, pasta salad; Spike, taco salad; and team effort on the s’mores.

But Zoi is none too happy with her assignment. The pasta salad wasn’t her idea; it was just all that was left. Again, I’m having a kickball flashback.

Zoi: It’s not, like, a Top Chef winner. You know, like, I won Top Chef by making f—ing pasta salad? I mean, it’s not going to happen. I’m feeling a little bit like I should have said something.

Dale thinks he should have said something too. He worries their corn dogs and sliders won’t be refined enough for the judges. But, hey, they’ve got a killer Super Bowl party menu going.

Peeping Tom – Head Judge Tom Colicchio comes in to check up on the progress. He immediately cuts through all this sexy business. What makes Blue Team’s “sexy drink” sexy? Apparently, lavender. Whew, and I was worried it would be Axe body spray. And why are Team Sexy’s dishes the winning dishes? Apparently, heart. Luckily they mean that metaphorically, because giblets gross me out.

Over at Ryan’s station, Chef Tall, Dark and Handsome tells Tom about the mayonnaise-less Waldorf salad he is preparing.

Tom: You know, the funny thing is, the mayonnaise is what keeps everything fresh.

The look on Ryan’s face foretells another epic chicken “McNuggets” piccata disaster in the making.

Have food, will travel – Blue Team member Nikki worries her mac ‘n’ cheese may be fatally flawed because of the lag time between completion and service at the block party. Yeah, have you ever seen what Velveeta does once congealed? It ain’t pretty, people. And over on Team Sexy, Erik worries about his dish’s lag time too, but for more mushy reasons. His fried corn dogs will have to sit in a hot box and could lose their crisp. Dry mac ‘n’ cheese and soggy corn dogs; it really is like block party food.

Dishes packed, the teams arrive at the block party and have 20 minutes to set up. As suspected, Erik’s corn dogs went limp and Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheese got hard. Ahem. But this is no time to let them see you sweat, because the judges have arrived. Joining Padma, Tom and Rick is former Queer Eye for the Straight Guyfoodie Ted Allen.

The neighborhood descends on the team tables. Plates are filled, s’mores are blowtorch brû léed. The judges stop at the Blue table first. Ted and Padma seem particularly excited by Stephanie’s streusel fruit crumble with cinnamon gyoza/wonton. Then they leave and they keep all their catty comments about each dish to themselves. No fair!

Over at the Sexy table, Padma and Ted load up and light up when they see the s’mores. Geez, those things work on everyone. But Padma experiences a s’mores malfunction and drops hers on Ted’s no-doubt very expensive shoes. Oh, girl, don’t mess with a gay man’s footwear. Ted assures her that she’ll be receiving a bill in the mail.

Slam-dunk dining – Spike says Team Red Sexy Cocky has the challenge in the bag because they’re more charismatic and have “the schmooze factor.” The judges, once again, give nothing away. Catty comments, we demand catty comments.

Instead, the chefs have to talk their own trash. Blue Team honorary chefbian Richard brings the claws out and assures his people that “little hamburgers aren’t that great.” But inside he worries about Team Cocky’s outward displays of dominance. They’re slapping high fives and playing hoops and drinking beers without a care in the world. Dominance? More like dumbinance.

Back in the judging waiting room, Team Cocky continues its swagger. Across the circle, Blue Team color-coordinates with its mood. Padma comes to the entrance and asks for – wait for it, wait for it – the Blue Team. And that, my friends, is how you deflate an overinflated ego. Any questions?

Lesser of two evils – At Judges’ Table, the stone-faced panel gives nothing away. In fact, Tom chastises the team for a bit.

Tom: Considering the first two challenges, I was expecting a lot more from this team. And this just kind of left me asking, Is this the same group of people?

Then the judges start to pick them apart one by one. Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheesetastrophe formed a brick. Richard’s paella was a rice pilaf in disguise. And Stephanie’s fruit crisp and sexy drink were, actually, really yummy.

So the Blue Team was the winning team after all. Everyone celebrates in their own way: Some pray, some sigh, some look like they want to vomit.

Padma warns them that they only won by a small margin, but a win is a win. Antonia’s bean salad and Stephanie’s fruit wonton dessert are the judges’ favorites. In fact, Tom says the latter is probably why they won. So Stephanie picks up the win and lays the demons of underfried chips to rest. Gosh, she is adorable. It’s official: She is now an honorary chefbian. So is it written; so it shall be.

Tom chides them one more time before asking them to send in the real losers. The no-longer Blues stoically tell the no-longer Cockies that Padma wants to see them. Blue Team has the good manners to not gloat and dance and play the didgeridoo until after their bested competition has left the room. (P.S. How adorable is Stephanie’s little robot dance? I’m so glad I made her a chefbian, even if only in my mind.)

Not going gently into that good night – Inside with the judges, the Red Team is seeing red. Padma asks Ryan what got them there and he honestly doesn’t know. Spike takes it even further.

Spike: I thought we kicked their ass, to be honest. Padma: You didn’t.

Oh, snap. The soggy corn dogs are the first to come under fire. Erik says they’re “as good as [he] can do with hot dogs.” Zoi tries to stem the bleeding by explaining their approach.

Zoi: We just decided that it was middle America, block party, kids. Tom: That is fine, but does that mean you should dumb down what you’re doing? Zoi: No, that’s not what we were doing at all.

Next on the firing line is Ryan’s Waldorf salad. Too much chicken and too little crunch equals a soggy gloop. Now it’s Spike’s turn to try to cauterize the wound.

Spike: You have to take in consideration that you guys are four people on the panel that have very good palates, intense palates. You can taste food better than others. Jennifer: But we were cooking for the neighborhood.

Psst, Jennifer, you just totally blew your girlfriend’s argument. But Spike can’t leave well enough alone and tries to reason his way out of sucking. He says everyone tasted everyone else’s dishes and was happy with them.

Spike: We kind of made the block party. Tom: All right, everyone tasted Zoi’s pasta and everybody thought it was good? Then you guys collectively have really poor palates, ’cause it was bland, it was oily and it had no flavor at all.

Oh, double snap. But instead of throwing Zoi under the bus, her teammates comfort her and Erik tells the judges that the pasta salad wasn’t Zoi’s choice.

At this point Andrew has had enough and says their team’s effort and camaraderie should have put them over the top. He also says they’d have to drag him out with security before he’d leave because “this is my house.” Tom looks like he is not sure if he should laugh or run.

Once, twice, three times the terrible – Sent back to await their fate, the Red(-faced) Team members grouse. The judges grouse, too. Their decision boils down to three terrible dishes: the soggy Waldorf salad, the soggy corn dog and the flavorless pasta salad.

Zoi kicks herself for not speaking up against the pasta salad. Chefbian Jennifer realizes her girlfriend may be the one sent home. You can see by the look on her face the amount of processing that they’d have to do if Zoi got kicked off first. She’d better just hope the show crowns its first dual Top Chefs.

Once back facing the judges, the cheftestants get spanked by Tom some more. But who has to pack his/her knives and go? Erik.

Big bear hugs all around for departing Erik. A relieved Zoi later tells the cameras that she is sorry to see him go, but, “I’m glad it wasn’t me who had to go home for pasta salad. That would have been super embarrassing.” I don’t know, Zoi. I think being sent home for corn dogs is about as embarrassing as it gets. And don’t forget, he gave the world the abomination known as nacho soufflé back in the first Elimination Challenge. An unholy creation like that you never live down.

Next time on Top Chef: Plastic wrap does not flambé. Richard Roeper gives the thumbs-up. Andrew is Dorf on Cooking.

Andrew: We immediately send Ryan in because Ryan is a pretty boy and he speaks very well. So it just makes sense to send Ryan in first and say, “Hey, I’m tall, dark and handsome. I need some grapes.”

Door bells are rung, pantries are pillaged. As Blue Team heads to a house, Spike helpfully tells them they’ve already been cleaned out. But, of course, they haven’t.

Spike: I’m here to win, for God’s sake.

Or is he really there to win over Britney Spears?

The Red and Blue teams show their inherent differences right away in their menus. Reserved Blue goes upscale; gregarious Red goes classic Americana. Playing to the judges versus playing to the crowd – gee, wonder how that’ll go.

Fired up and ready to cook – Three hours of cooking gets slicing and dicing. Blue Team members all decide to do an individual dish. Richard has paella; chefbian Lisa, slaw; Antonia, bean salad; Mark, inside-out cookie; Stephanie, fruit cobbler; Nikki, mac ‘n’ cheese; and team effort on the “sexy drink.”

Nikki proceeds to pull out two obscenely big bricks of Velveeta. Ah, yes, processed cheese: the secret ingredient of any four-star restaurant.

Stephanie decides to switch up dessert and fry gyoza wrappers with Mexican cinnamon and sugar, served with streusel-topped fruit. It’s a ballsy move considering her fried celery root chipslast week were a soggy bust.

Over on Team Sexy, confidence is the secret ingredient.

Andrew: You guys smell that? Successss!

Hmm, does that smell anything like napalm in the morning?

I’m too sexy for my apron – The rest of Team Sexy busy themselves with the picnic food at hand. The dishes they hope will dazzle the crowd? Jennifer has sliders; Erik, corn dogs; Dale, pork skewers; Andrew, sangria; Ryan, Waldorf salad; Zoi, pasta salad; Spike, taco salad; and team effort on the s’mores.

But Zoi is none too happy with her assignment. The pasta salad wasn’t her idea; it was just all that was left. Again, I’m having a kickball flashback.

Zoi: It’s not, like, a Top Chef winner. You know, like, I won Top Chef by making f—ing pasta salad? I mean, it’s not going to happen. I’m feeling a little bit like I should have said something.

Dale thinks he should have said something too. He worries their corn dogs and sliders won’t be refined enough for the judges. But, hey, they’ve got a killer Super Bowl party menu going.

Peeping Tom – Head Judge Tom Colicchio comes in to check up on the progress. He immediately cuts through all this sexy business. What makes Blue Team’s “sexy drink” sexy? Apparently, lavender. Whew, and I was worried it would be Axe body spray. And why are Team Sexy’s dishes the winning dishes? Apparently, heart. Luckily they mean that metaphorically, because giblets gross me out.

Over at Ryan’s station, Chef Tall, Dark and Handsome tells Tom about the mayonnaise-less Waldorf salad he is preparing.

Tom: You know, the funny thing is, the mayonnaise is what keeps everything fresh.

The look on Ryan’s face foretells another epic chicken “McNuggets” piccata disaster in the making.

Have food, will travel – Blue Team member Nikki worries her mac ‘n’ cheese may be fatally flawed because of the lag time between completion and service at the block party. Yeah, have you ever seen what Velveeta does once congealed? It ain’t pretty, people. And over on Team Sexy, Erik worries about his dish’s lag time too, but for more mushy reasons. His fried corn dogs will have to sit in a hot box and could lose their crisp. Dry mac ‘n’ cheese and soggy corn dogs; it really is like block party food.

Dishes packed, the teams arrive at the block party and have 20 minutes to set up. As suspected, Erik’s corn dogs went limp and Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheese got hard. Ahem. But this is no time to let them see you sweat, because the judges have arrived. Joining Padma, Tom and Rick is former Queer Eye for the Straight Guyfoodie Ted Allen.

The neighborhood descends on the team tables. Plates are filled, s’mores are blowtorch brû léed. The judges stop at the Blue table first. Ted and Padma seem particularly excited by Stephanie’s streusel fruit crumble with cinnamon gyoza/wonton. Then they leave and they keep all their catty comments about each dish to themselves. No fair!

Over at the Sexy table, Padma and Ted load up and light up when they see the s’mores. Geez, those things work on everyone. But Padma experiences a s’mores malfunction and drops hers on Ted’s no-doubt very expensive shoes. Oh, girl, don’t mess with a gay man’s footwear. Ted assures her that she’ll be receiving a bill in the mail.

Slam-dunk dining – Spike says Team Red Sexy Cocky has the challenge in the bag because they’re more charismatic and have “the schmooze factor.” The judges, once again, give nothing away. Catty comments, we demand catty comments.

Instead, the chefs have to talk their own trash. Blue Team honorary chefbian Richard brings the claws out and assures his people that “little hamburgers aren’t that great.” But inside he worries about Team Cocky’s outward displays of dominance. They’re slapping high fives and playing hoops and drinking beers without a care in the world. Dominance? More like dumbinance.

Back in the judging waiting room, Team Cocky continues its swagger. Across the circle, Blue Team color-coordinates with its mood. Padma comes to the entrance and asks for – wait for it, wait for it – the Blue Team. And that, my friends, is how you deflate an overinflated ego. Any questions?

Lesser of two evils – At Judges’ Table, the stone-faced panel gives nothing away. In fact, Tom chastises the team for a bit.

Tom: Considering the first two challenges, I was expecting a lot more from this team. And this just kind of left me asking, Is this the same group of people?

Then the judges start to pick them apart one by one. Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheesetastrophe formed a brick. Richard’s paella was a rice pilaf in disguise. And Stephanie’s fruit crisp and sexy drink were, actually, really yummy.

So the Blue Team was the winning team after all. Everyone celebrates in their own way: Some pray, some sigh, some look like they want to vomit.

Padma warns them that they only won by a small margin, but a win is a win. Antonia’s bean salad and Stephanie’s fruit wonton dessert are the judges’ favorites. In fact, Tom says the latter is probably why they won. So Stephanie picks up the win and lays the demons of underfried chips to rest. Gosh, she is adorable. It’s official: She is now an honorary chefbian. So is it written; so it shall be.

Tom chides them one more time before asking them to send in the real losers. The no-longer Blues stoically tell the no-longer Cockies that Padma wants to see them. Blue Team has the good manners to not gloat and dance and play the didgeridoo until after their bested competition has left the room. (P.S. How adorable is Stephanie’s little robot dance? I’m so glad I made her a chefbian, even if only in my mind.)

Not going gently into that good night – Inside with the judges, the Red Team is seeing red. Padma asks Ryan what got them there and he honestly doesn’t know. Spike takes it even further.

Spike: I thought we kicked their ass, to be honest. Padma: You didn’t.

Oh, snap. The soggy corn dogs are the first to come under fire. Erik says they’re “as good as [he] can do with hot dogs.” Zoi tries to stem the bleeding by explaining their approach.

Zoi: We just decided that it was middle America, block party, kids. Tom: That is fine, but does that mean you should dumb down what you’re doing? Zoi: No, that’s not what we were doing at all.

Next on the firing line is Ryan’s Waldorf salad. Too much chicken and too little crunch equals a soggy gloop. Now it’s Spike’s turn to try to cauterize the wound.

Spike: You have to take in consideration that you guys are four people on the panel that have very good palates, intense palates. You can taste food better than others. Jennifer: But we were cooking for the neighborhood.

Psst, Jennifer, you just totally blew your girlfriend’s argument. But Spike can’t leave well enough alone and tries to reason his way out of sucking. He says everyone tasted everyone else’s dishes and was happy with them.

Spike: We kind of made the block party. Tom: All right, everyone tasted Zoi’s pasta and everybody thought it was good? Then you guys collectively have really poor palates, ’cause it was bland, it was oily and it had no flavor at all.

Oh, double snap. But instead of throwing Zoi under the bus, her teammates comfort her and Erik tells the judges that the pasta salad wasn’t Zoi’s choice.

At this point Andrew has had enough and says their team’s effort and camaraderie should have put them over the top. He also says they’d have to drag him out with security before he’d leave because “this is my house.” Tom looks like he is not sure if he should laugh or run.

Once, twice, three times the terrible – Sent back to await their fate, the Red(-faced) Team members grouse. The judges grouse, too. Their decision boils down to three terrible dishes: the soggy Waldorf salad, the soggy corn dog and the flavorless pasta salad.

Zoi kicks herself for not speaking up against the pasta salad. Chefbian Jennifer realizes her girlfriend may be the one sent home. You can see by the look on her face the amount of processing that they’d have to do if Zoi got kicked off first. She’d better just hope the show crowns its first dual Top Chefs.

Once back facing the judges, the cheftestants get spanked by Tom some more. But who has to pack his/her knives and go? Erik.

Big bear hugs all around for departing Erik. A relieved Zoi later tells the cameras that she is sorry to see him go, but, “I’m glad it wasn’t me who had to go home for pasta salad. That would have been super embarrassing.” I don’t know, Zoi. I think being sent home for corn dogs is about as embarrassing as it gets. And don’t forget, he gave the world the abomination known as nacho soufflé back in the first Elimination Challenge. An unholy creation like that you never live down.

Next time on Top Chef: Plastic wrap does not flambé. Richard Roeper gives the thumbs-up. Andrew is Dorf on Cooking.

Erik: I don’t think fine dining and Mexican go together, so he can go screw himself.

Again with the degrading of an entire country’s culture and cuisine. Also, how about you make a taco that doesn’t look like something they serve at Denny’s at 3 a.m. and maybe then you can tell a six-time James Beard Award-winning executive chef to go screw himself, OK?

The Good: Andrew (“flavors were really good and quite refined”), Richard (“it tasted like Mexican street food, but the package was pure fine dining”), Spike (“the flavor was super soul-satisfying”).

Richard gets the win and immunity for his beautiful dish. His victory also comes with the surprise that Chef Bayless is going to steal his recipe and put it on the menu at Topolobampo.

Spike has some sour grapes of his own to squash as he kvetches about the judge picking Richard over him. I’d like to take a minute and kvetch about Spike’s choice of headwear. Spike, buddy, Kevin Federline called and he wants his hat back.

Take the blue pill or the red pill – To prepare for the Elimination Challenge, Padma has the chefs split themselves into two teams: Team Red and Team Blue. No word on where Team White went – probably still trying to memorize the “Star-Spangled Banner.”

Whenever you watch people spilt into teams, it’s a fascinating social experiment. Who will gravitate toward each other? Who will stay away from each other? Who will get picked last for kickball? Oh, wait, sorry – painful childhood memory.

The teams shake out as such: Blue Team – Richard, Mark, Stephanie, Lisa, Antonia, Nikki and Manuel; Red Team – Spike, Ryan, Andrew, Jennifer, Zoi, Erik and Dale.

Was there ever any doubt the kitchen couple would pair off? Jennifer calls Zoi “one of the best cooks” she has ever worked with, and Zoi says she and Jennifer “know each other’s palates” better than the rest of the team, among other stuff. What? I was referring to their shoes. Really, their shoes. Get your minds out of the gutter, people. Seriously. We’re trying to run a respectful recap here.

What gratuitous product placement? – The teams jump into matching red and blue Toyota Highlanders. We know this because the kind folks at Bravo show us about 3,000 exterior and interior shots of said Highlanders rolling down the streets of Chicago. We get it; Toyota is a sponsor. Please, can someone cook something?

Once inside their, uh – what kind of cars were they again? – the chefs try to use directional clues to guess the challenge. They text back and forth, and you know there is no more exciting television than watching adults text-message each other.

Their destination turns out to be a nice, tree-lined Chicago neighborhood. Padma lays out the Elimination Challenge rules while wearing a pale yellow top and thick silver bracelet. The sun hits her hair just so, sending a warm glow of light over her face and … Mmm, Padma, mmm. Oh, where was I?

The challenge is for each team to cook for the neighborhood’s MealsTogether.com block party. Ah, but here’s the rub: Instead of going to a nice big, well-stocked grocery store, they’re going to have to get all their ingredients from the friendly neighbors on the block. That’s right – they’re going to raid the fine people of Chicago’s refrigerators like marauding pirates.

Meet your neighbors – Blue Team member Richard is glad he has immunity for this one because he is “not super social.” The Red Team has no such anxieties. In fact, they redub themselves “Team Sexy.” No, really, Team Sexy. And they have a strategy.

Andrew: We immediately send Ryan in because Ryan is a pretty boy and he speaks very well. So it just makes sense to send Ryan in first and say, “Hey, I’m tall, dark and handsome. I need some grapes.”

Door bells are rung, pantries are pillaged. As Blue Team heads to a house, Spike helpfully tells them they’ve already been cleaned out. But, of course, they haven’t.

Spike: I’m here to win, for God’s sake.

Or is he really there to win over Britney Spears?

The Red and Blue teams show their inherent differences right away in their menus. Reserved Blue goes upscale; gregarious Red goes classic Americana. Playing to the judges versus playing to the crowd – gee, wonder how that’ll go.

Fired up and ready to cook – Three hours of cooking gets slicing and dicing. Blue Team members all decide to do an individual dish. Richard has paella; chefbian Lisa, slaw; Antonia, bean salad; Mark, inside-out cookie; Stephanie, fruit cobbler; Nikki, mac ‘n’ cheese; and team effort on the “sexy drink.”

Nikki proceeds to pull out two obscenely big bricks of Velveeta. Ah, yes, processed cheese: the secret ingredient of any four-star restaurant.

Stephanie decides to switch up dessert and fry gyoza wrappers with Mexican cinnamon and sugar, served with streusel-topped fruit. It’s a ballsy move considering her fried celery root chipslast week were a soggy bust.

Over on Team Sexy, confidence is the secret ingredient.

Andrew: You guys smell that? Successss!

Hmm, does that smell anything like napalm in the morning?

I’m too sexy for my apron – The rest of Team Sexy busy themselves with the picnic food at hand. The dishes they hope will dazzle the crowd? Jennifer has sliders; Erik, corn dogs; Dale, pork skewers; Andrew, sangria; Ryan, Waldorf salad; Zoi, pasta salad; Spike, taco salad; and team effort on the s’mores.

But Zoi is none too happy with her assignment. The pasta salad wasn’t her idea; it was just all that was left. Again, I’m having a kickball flashback.

Zoi: It’s not, like, a Top Chef winner. You know, like, I won Top Chef by making f—ing pasta salad? I mean, it’s not going to happen. I’m feeling a little bit like I should have said something.

Dale thinks he should have said something too. He worries their corn dogs and sliders won’t be refined enough for the judges. But, hey, they’ve got a killer Super Bowl party menu going.

Peeping Tom – Head Judge Tom Colicchio comes in to check up on the progress. He immediately cuts through all this sexy business. What makes Blue Team’s “sexy drink” sexy? Apparently, lavender. Whew, and I was worried it would be Axe body spray. And why are Team Sexy’s dishes the winning dishes? Apparently, heart. Luckily they mean that metaphorically, because giblets gross me out.

Over at Ryan’s station, Chef Tall, Dark and Handsome tells Tom about the mayonnaise-less Waldorf salad he is preparing.

Tom: You know, the funny thing is, the mayonnaise is what keeps everything fresh.

The look on Ryan’s face foretells another epic chicken “McNuggets” piccata disaster in the making.

Have food, will travel – Blue Team member Nikki worries her mac ‘n’ cheese may be fatally flawed because of the lag time between completion and service at the block party. Yeah, have you ever seen what Velveeta does once congealed? It ain’t pretty, people. And over on Team Sexy, Erik worries about his dish’s lag time too, but for more mushy reasons. His fried corn dogs will have to sit in a hot box and could lose their crisp. Dry mac ‘n’ cheese and soggy corn dogs; it really is like block party food.

Dishes packed, the teams arrive at the block party and have 20 minutes to set up. As suspected, Erik’s corn dogs went limp and Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheese got hard. Ahem. But this is no time to let them see you sweat, because the judges have arrived. Joining Padma, Tom and Rick is former Queer Eye for the Straight Guyfoodie Ted Allen.

The neighborhood descends on the team tables. Plates are filled, s’mores are blowtorch brû léed. The judges stop at the Blue table first. Ted and Padma seem particularly excited by Stephanie’s streusel fruit crumble with cinnamon gyoza/wonton. Then they leave and they keep all their catty comments about each dish to themselves. No fair!

Over at the Sexy table, Padma and Ted load up and light up when they see the s’mores. Geez, those things work on everyone. But Padma experiences a s’mores malfunction and drops hers on Ted’s no-doubt very expensive shoes. Oh, girl, don’t mess with a gay man’s footwear. Ted assures her that she’ll be receiving a bill in the mail.

Slam-dunk dining – Spike says Team Red Sexy Cocky has the challenge in the bag because they’re more charismatic and have “the schmooze factor.” The judges, once again, give nothing away. Catty comments, we demand catty comments.

Instead, the chefs have to talk their own trash. Blue Team honorary chefbian Richard brings the claws out and assures his people that “little hamburgers aren’t that great.” But inside he worries about Team Cocky’s outward displays of dominance. They’re slapping high fives and playing hoops and drinking beers without a care in the world. Dominance? More like dumbinance.

Back in the judging waiting room, Team Cocky continues its swagger. Across the circle, Blue Team color-coordinates with its mood. Padma comes to the entrance and asks for – wait for it, wait for it – the Blue Team. And that, my friends, is how you deflate an overinflated ego. Any questions?

Lesser of two evils – At Judges’ Table, the stone-faced panel gives nothing away. In fact, Tom chastises the team for a bit.

Tom: Considering the first two challenges, I was expecting a lot more from this team. And this just kind of left me asking, Is this the same group of people?

Then the judges start to pick them apart one by one. Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheesetastrophe formed a brick. Richard’s paella was a rice pilaf in disguise. And Stephanie’s fruit crisp and sexy drink were, actually, really yummy.

So the Blue Team was the winning team after all. Everyone celebrates in their own way: Some pray, some sigh, some look like they want to vomit.

Padma warns them that they only won by a small margin, but a win is a win. Antonia’s bean salad and Stephanie’s fruit wonton dessert are the judges’ favorites. In fact, Tom says the latter is probably why they won. So Stephanie picks up the win and lays the demons of underfried chips to rest. Gosh, she is adorable. It’s official: She is now an honorary chefbian. So is it written; so it shall be.

Tom chides them one more time before asking them to send in the real losers. The no-longer Blues stoically tell the no-longer Cockies that Padma wants to see them. Blue Team has the good manners to not gloat and dance and play the didgeridoo until after their bested competition has left the room. (P.S. How adorable is Stephanie’s little robot dance? I’m so glad I made her a chefbian, even if only in my mind.)

Not going gently into that good night – Inside with the judges, the Red Team is seeing red. Padma asks Ryan what got them there and he honestly doesn’t know. Spike takes it even further.

Spike: I thought we kicked their ass, to be honest. Padma: You didn’t.

Oh, snap. The soggy corn dogs are the first to come under fire. Erik says they’re “as good as [he] can do with hot dogs.” Zoi tries to stem the bleeding by explaining their approach.

Zoi: We just decided that it was middle America, block party, kids. Tom: That is fine, but does that mean you should dumb down what you’re doing? Zoi: No, that’s not what we were doing at all.

Next on the firing line is Ryan’s Waldorf salad. Too much chicken and too little crunch equals a soggy gloop. Now it’s Spike’s turn to try to cauterize the wound.

Spike: You have to take in consideration that you guys are four people on the panel that have very good palates, intense palates. You can taste food better than others. Jennifer: But we were cooking for the neighborhood.

Psst, Jennifer, you just totally blew your girlfriend’s argument. But Spike can’t leave well enough alone and tries to reason his way out of sucking. He says everyone tasted everyone else’s dishes and was happy with them.

Spike: We kind of made the block party. Tom: All right, everyone tasted Zoi’s pasta and everybody thought it was good? Then you guys collectively have really poor palates, ’cause it was bland, it was oily and it had no flavor at all.

Oh, double snap. But instead of throwing Zoi under the bus, her teammates comfort her and Erik tells the judges that the pasta salad wasn’t Zoi’s choice.

At this point Andrew has had enough and says their team’s effort and camaraderie should have put them over the top. He also says they’d have to drag him out with security before he’d leave because “this is my house.” Tom looks like he is not sure if he should laugh or run.

Once, twice, three times the terrible – Sent back to await their fate, the Red(-faced) Team members grouse. The judges grouse, too. Their decision boils down to three terrible dishes: the soggy Waldorf salad, the soggy corn dog and the flavorless pasta salad.

Zoi kicks herself for not speaking up against the pasta salad. Chefbian Jennifer realizes her girlfriend may be the one sent home. You can see by the look on her face the amount of processing that they’d have to do if Zoi got kicked off first. She’d better just hope the show crowns its first dual Top Chefs.

Once back facing the judges, the cheftestants get spanked by Tom some more. But who has to pack his/her knives and go? Erik.

Big bear hugs all around for departing Erik. A relieved Zoi later tells the cameras that she is sorry to see him go, but, “I’m glad it wasn’t me who had to go home for pasta salad. That would have been super embarrassing.” I don’t know, Zoi. I think being sent home for corn dogs is about as embarrassing as it gets. And don’t forget, he gave the world the abomination known as nacho soufflé back in the first Elimination Challenge. An unholy creation like that you never live down.

Next time on Top Chef: Plastic wrap does not flambé. Richard Roeper gives the thumbs-up. Andrew is Dorf on Cooking.

Erik: Mexican food is about the people and it’s about the streets. It’s a soulful kind of a thing. To put fine dining in it, it just kind of bugs me.

OK, so Mexican food can’t be fancy? A whole country’s cuisine and none of it is gourmet? It’s all from the street? Dude, you’ve eaten at way too many taco trucks.

The rest of the chefs get busy innovating. Manuel grabs some cactus. Spike, who apparently shares Erik’s view of the taco, keeps it simple. Andrew chooses plantain and duck. Richard takes “reinvent” to heart and uses jicama in lieu of tortillas. Three minutes of on-screen cooking later (talk about your Quickfire), it’s time to taste.

Time for “fourthmeal” – Rick and Padma reemerge to level their judgments.

Manuel‘s chorizo taco: Guessing this isn’t the first taco you’ve made.

Lisa‘s grilled skirt-steak taco: [Indecipherable mumbles. Why? They can’t bite through the steak.]

Andrew‘s duck and plantain taco: One of my favorite tacos in the world is the duck taco.

Erik‘s chipotle chicken taco: It’s very traditional flavors.

Spike‘s ground pork taco: If you were going for street style [fist pump].

Ryan‘s grilled squash chickpea tacos: Thank you.

Richard‘s jicama tortilla tacos: [No comment, just eating.]

But was Chef Bayless impressed by any of the tacos? Not so much. Instead of gourmet tacos, he says he got a lot of street tacos, because listening is apparently not one of the cheftestants many kitchen skills.

The Bad: Erik (“the plate looked sort of like a train wreck”), Lisa (“no one can bite through [rare skirt steak]”), Ryan (“that piece of paper [around the taco] really bugged me for fine dining”).

Sore loser Erik has a few sour grapes to squeeze.

Erik: I don’t think fine dining and Mexican go together, so he can go screw himself.

Again with the degrading of an entire country’s culture and cuisine. Also, how about you make a taco that doesn’t look like something they serve at Denny’s at 3 a.m. and maybe then you can tell a six-time James Beard Award-winning executive chef to go screw himself, OK?

The Good: Andrew (“flavors were really good and quite refined”), Richard (“it tasted like Mexican street food, but the package was pure fine dining”), Spike (“the flavor was super soul-satisfying”).

Richard gets the win and immunity for his beautiful dish. His victory also comes with the surprise that Chef Bayless is going to steal his recipe and put it on the menu at Topolobampo.

Spike has some sour grapes of his own to squash as he kvetches about the judge picking Richard over him. I’d like to take a minute and kvetch about Spike’s choice of headwear. Spike, buddy, Kevin Federline called and he wants his hat back.

Take the blue pill or the red pill – To prepare for the Elimination Challenge, Padma has the chefs split themselves into two teams: Team Red and Team Blue. No word on where Team White went – probably still trying to memorize the “Star-Spangled Banner.”

Whenever you watch people spilt into teams, it’s a fascinating social experiment. Who will gravitate toward each other? Who will stay away from each other? Who will get picked last for kickball? Oh, wait, sorry – painful childhood memory.

The teams shake out as such: Blue Team – Richard, Mark, Stephanie, Lisa, Antonia, Nikki and Manuel; Red Team – Spike, Ryan, Andrew, Jennifer, Zoi, Erik and Dale.

Was there ever any doubt the kitchen couple would pair off? Jennifer calls Zoi “one of the best cooks” she has ever worked with, and Zoi says she and Jennifer “know each other’s palates” better than the rest of the team, among other stuff. What? I was referring to their shoes. Really, their shoes. Get your minds out of the gutter, people. Seriously. We’re trying to run a respectful recap here.

What gratuitous product placement? – The teams jump into matching red and blue Toyota Highlanders. We know this because the kind folks at Bravo show us about 3,000 exterior and interior shots of said Highlanders rolling down the streets of Chicago. We get it; Toyota is a sponsor. Please, can someone cook something?

Once inside their, uh – what kind of cars were they again? – the chefs try to use directional clues to guess the challenge. They text back and forth, and you know there is no more exciting television than watching adults text-message each other.

Their destination turns out to be a nice, tree-lined Chicago neighborhood. Padma lays out the Elimination Challenge rules while wearing a pale yellow top and thick silver bracelet. The sun hits her hair just so, sending a warm glow of light over her face and … Mmm, Padma, mmm. Oh, where was I?

The challenge is for each team to cook for the neighborhood’s MealsTogether.com block party. Ah, but here’s the rub: Instead of going to a nice big, well-stocked grocery store, they’re going to have to get all their ingredients from the friendly neighbors on the block. That’s right – they’re going to raid the fine people of Chicago’s refrigerators like marauding pirates.

Meet your neighbors – Blue Team member Richard is glad he has immunity for this one because he is “not super social.” The Red Team has no such anxieties. In fact, they redub themselves “Team Sexy.” No, really, Team Sexy. And they have a strategy.

Andrew: We immediately send Ryan in because Ryan is a pretty boy and he speaks very well. So it just makes sense to send Ryan in first and say, “Hey, I’m tall, dark and handsome. I need some grapes.”

Door bells are rung, pantries are pillaged. As Blue Team heads to a house, Spike helpfully tells them they’ve already been cleaned out. But, of course, they haven’t.

Spike: I’m here to win, for God’s sake.

Or is he really there to win over Britney Spears?

The Red and Blue teams show their inherent differences right away in their menus. Reserved Blue goes upscale; gregarious Red goes classic Americana. Playing to the judges versus playing to the crowd – gee, wonder how that’ll go.

Fired up and ready to cook – Three hours of cooking gets slicing and dicing. Blue Team members all decide to do an individual dish. Richard has paella; chefbian Lisa, slaw; Antonia, bean salad; Mark, inside-out cookie; Stephanie, fruit cobbler; Nikki, mac ‘n’ cheese; and team effort on the “sexy drink.”

Nikki proceeds to pull out two obscenely big bricks of Velveeta. Ah, yes, processed cheese: the secret ingredient of any four-star restaurant.

Stephanie decides to switch up dessert and fry gyoza wrappers with Mexican cinnamon and sugar, served with streusel-topped fruit. It’s a ballsy move considering her fried celery root chipslast week were a soggy bust.

Over on Team Sexy, confidence is the secret ingredient.

Andrew: You guys smell that? Successss!

Hmm, does that smell anything like napalm in the morning?

I’m too sexy for my apron – The rest of Team Sexy busy themselves with the picnic food at hand. The dishes they hope will dazzle the crowd? Jennifer has sliders; Erik, corn dogs; Dale, pork skewers; Andrew, sangria; Ryan, Waldorf salad; Zoi, pasta salad; Spike, taco salad; and team effort on the s’mores.

But Zoi is none too happy with her assignment. The pasta salad wasn’t her idea; it was just all that was left. Again, I’m having a kickball flashback.

Zoi: It’s not, like, a Top Chef winner. You know, like, I won Top Chef by making f—ing pasta salad? I mean, it’s not going to happen. I’m feeling a little bit like I should have said something.

Dale thinks he should have said something too. He worries their corn dogs and sliders won’t be refined enough for the judges. But, hey, they’ve got a killer Super Bowl party menu going.

Peeping Tom – Head Judge Tom Colicchio comes in to check up on the progress. He immediately cuts through all this sexy business. What makes Blue Team’s “sexy drink” sexy? Apparently, lavender. Whew, and I was worried it would be Axe body spray. And why are Team Sexy’s dishes the winning dishes? Apparently, heart. Luckily they mean that metaphorically, because giblets gross me out.

Over at Ryan’s station, Chef Tall, Dark and Handsome tells Tom about the mayonnaise-less Waldorf salad he is preparing.

Tom: You know, the funny thing is, the mayonnaise is what keeps everything fresh.

The look on Ryan’s face foretells another epic chicken “McNuggets” piccata disaster in the making.

Have food, will travel – Blue Team member Nikki worries her mac ‘n’ cheese may be fatally flawed because of the lag time between completion and service at the block party. Yeah, have you ever seen what Velveeta does once congealed? It ain’t pretty, people. And over on Team Sexy, Erik worries about his dish’s lag time too, but for more mushy reasons. His fried corn dogs will have to sit in a hot box and could lose their crisp. Dry mac ‘n’ cheese and soggy corn dogs; it really is like block party food.

Dishes packed, the teams arrive at the block party and have 20 minutes to set up. As suspected, Erik’s corn dogs went limp and Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheese got hard. Ahem. But this is no time to let them see you sweat, because the judges have arrived. Joining Padma, Tom and Rick is former Queer Eye for the Straight Guyfoodie Ted Allen.

The neighborhood descends on the team tables. Plates are filled, s’mores are blowtorch brû léed. The judges stop at the Blue table first. Ted and Padma seem particularly excited by Stephanie’s streusel fruit crumble with cinnamon gyoza/wonton. Then they leave and they keep all their catty comments about each dish to themselves. No fair!

Over at the Sexy table, Padma and Ted load up and light up when they see the s’mores. Geez, those things work on everyone. But Padma experiences a s’mores malfunction and drops hers on Ted’s no-doubt very expensive shoes. Oh, girl, don’t mess with a gay man’s footwear. Ted assures her that she’ll be receiving a bill in the mail.

Slam-dunk dining – Spike says Team Red Sexy Cocky has the challenge in the bag because they’re more charismatic and have “the schmooze factor.” The judges, once again, give nothing away. Catty comments, we demand catty comments.

Instead, the chefs have to talk their own trash. Blue Team honorary chefbian Richard brings the claws out and assures his people that “little hamburgers aren’t that great.” But inside he worries about Team Cocky’s outward displays of dominance. They’re slapping high fives and playing hoops and drinking beers without a care in the world. Dominance? More like dumbinance.

Back in the judging waiting room, Team Cocky continues its swagger. Across the circle, Blue Team color-coordinates with its mood. Padma comes to the entrance and asks for – wait for it, wait for it – the Blue Team. And that, my friends, is how you deflate an overinflated ego. Any questions?

Lesser of two evils – At Judges’ Table, the stone-faced panel gives nothing away. In fact, Tom chastises the team for a bit.

Tom: Considering the first two challenges, I was expecting a lot more from this team. And this just kind of left me asking, Is this the same group of people?

Then the judges start to pick them apart one by one. Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheesetastrophe formed a brick. Richard’s paella was a rice pilaf in disguise. And Stephanie’s fruit crisp and sexy drink were, actually, really yummy.

So the Blue Team was the winning team after all. Everyone celebrates in their own way: Some pray, some sigh, some look like they want to vomit.

Padma warns them that they only won by a small margin, but a win is a win. Antonia’s bean salad and Stephanie’s fruit wonton dessert are the judges’ favorites. In fact, Tom says the latter is probably why they won. So Stephanie picks up the win and lays the demons of underfried chips to rest. Gosh, she is adorable. It’s official: She is now an honorary chefbian. So is it written; so it shall be.

Tom chides them one more time before asking them to send in the real losers. The no-longer Blues stoically tell the no-longer Cockies that Padma wants to see them. Blue Team has the good manners to not gloat and dance and play the didgeridoo until after their bested competition has left the room. (P.S. How adorable is Stephanie’s little robot dance? I’m so glad I made her a chefbian, even if only in my mind.)

Not going gently into that good night – Inside with the judges, the Red Team is seeing red. Padma asks Ryan what got them there and he honestly doesn’t know. Spike takes it even further.

Spike: I thought we kicked their ass, to be honest. Padma: You didn’t.

Oh, snap. The soggy corn dogs are the first to come under fire. Erik says they’re “as good as [he] can do with hot dogs.” Zoi tries to stem the bleeding by explaining their approach.

Zoi: We just decided that it was middle America, block party, kids. Tom: That is fine, but does that mean you should dumb down what you’re doing? Zoi: No, that’s not what we were doing at all.

Next on the firing line is Ryan’s Waldorf salad. Too much chicken and too little crunch equals a soggy gloop. Now it’s Spike’s turn to try to cauterize the wound.

Spike: You have to take in consideration that you guys are four people on the panel that have very good palates, intense palates. You can taste food better than others. Jennifer: But we were cooking for the neighborhood.

Psst, Jennifer, you just totally blew your girlfriend’s argument. But Spike can’t leave well enough alone and tries to reason his way out of sucking. He says everyone tasted everyone else’s dishes and was happy with them.

Spike: We kind of made the block party. Tom: All right, everyone tasted Zoi’s pasta and everybody thought it was good? Then you guys collectively have really poor palates, ’cause it was bland, it was oily and it had no flavor at all.

Oh, double snap. But instead of throwing Zoi under the bus, her teammates comfort her and Erik tells the judges that the pasta salad wasn’t Zoi’s choice.

At this point Andrew has had enough and says their team’s effort and camaraderie should have put them over the top. He also says they’d have to drag him out with security before he’d leave because “this is my house.” Tom looks like he is not sure if he should laugh or run.

Once, twice, three times the terrible – Sent back to await their fate, the Red(-faced) Team members grouse. The judges grouse, too. Their decision boils down to three terrible dishes: the soggy Waldorf salad, the soggy corn dog and the flavorless pasta salad.

Zoi kicks herself for not speaking up against the pasta salad. Chefbian Jennifer realizes her girlfriend may be the one sent home. You can see by the look on her face the amount of processing that they’d have to do if Zoi got kicked off first. She’d better just hope the show crowns its first dual Top Chefs.

Once back facing the judges, the cheftestants get spanked by Tom some more. But who has to pack his/her knives and go? Erik.

Big bear hugs all around for departing Erik. A relieved Zoi later tells the cameras that she is sorry to see him go, but, “I’m glad it wasn’t me who had to go home for pasta salad. That would have been super embarrassing.” I don’t know, Zoi. I think being sent home for corn dogs is about as embarrassing as it gets. And don’t forget, he gave the world the abomination known as nacho soufflé back in the first Elimination Challenge. An unholy creation like that you never live down.

Next time on Top Chef: Plastic wrap does not flambé. Richard Roeper gives the thumbs-up. Andrew is Dorf on Cooking.

Zoi: It’s not common to have one lesbian in the kitchen; it’s not common to have one woman in the kitchen. That I think is probably the biggest struggle as a female, is just to break people’s image of what a chef is.

The producers then cut to Spike and Andrew faux-smashing each other into a wall. Yep, they look like chefs to me. Andrew explains his actions by saying he thinks part of the job of being a chef is also to be an entertainer. Hmm, last time I checked no one wanted their steak cooked by Bobo the Clown.

Run for the border – Enough horsing around; time to cook. The Quickfire brings back Padma and new guest judge Rick Bayless, chef/owner of Chicago restaurants Frontera Grill and Topolobampo. Bayless is known for turning Mexican food into fine dining, ergo the challenge is to – you guessed it – turn Mexican food into fine dining.

Our 14 remaining cheftestants must take on the simple taco and reinvent it as a gourmet dish. Great, would you like mild, hot or fire sauce with that?

Erik – he of the neck tattoo, blingy chain and silly hat – immediately has a problem with the concept.

Erik: Mexican food is about the people and it’s about the streets. It’s a soulful kind of a thing. To put fine dining in it, it just kind of bugs me.

OK, so Mexican food can’t be fancy? A whole country’s cuisine and none of it is gourmet? It’s all from the street? Dude, you’ve eaten at way too many taco trucks.

The rest of the chefs get busy innovating. Manuel grabs some cactus. Spike, who apparently shares Erik’s view of the taco, keeps it simple. Andrew chooses plantain and duck. Richard takes “reinvent” to heart and uses jicama in lieu of tortillas. Three minutes of on-screen cooking later (talk about your Quickfire), it’s time to taste.

Time for “fourthmeal” – Rick and Padma reemerge to level their judgments.

Manuel‘s chorizo taco: Guessing this isn’t the first taco you’ve made.

Lisa‘s grilled skirt-steak taco: [Indecipherable mumbles. Why? They can’t bite through the steak.]

Andrew‘s duck and plantain taco: One of my favorite tacos in the world is the duck taco.

Erik‘s chipotle chicken taco: It’s very traditional flavors.

Spike‘s ground pork taco: If you were going for street style [fist pump].

Ryan‘s grilled squash chickpea tacos: Thank you.

Richard‘s jicama tortilla tacos: [No comment, just eating.]

But was Chef Bayless impressed by any of the tacos? Not so much. Instead of gourmet tacos, he says he got a lot of street tacos, because listening is apparently not one of the cheftestants many kitchen skills.

The Bad: Erik (“the plate looked sort of like a train wreck”), Lisa (“no one can bite through [rare skirt steak]”), Ryan (“that piece of paper [around the taco] really bugged me for fine dining”).

Sore loser Erik has a few sour grapes to squeeze.

Erik: I don’t think fine dining and Mexican go together, so he can go screw himself.

Again with the degrading of an entire country’s culture and cuisine. Also, how about you make a taco that doesn’t look like something they serve at Denny’s at 3 a.m. and maybe then you can tell a six-time James Beard Award-winning executive chef to go screw himself, OK?

The Good: Andrew (“flavors were really good and quite refined”), Richard (“it tasted like Mexican street food, but the package was pure fine dining”), Spike (“the flavor was super soul-satisfying”).

Richard gets the win and immunity for his beautiful dish. His victory also comes with the surprise that Chef Bayless is going to steal his recipe and put it on the menu at Topolobampo.

Spike has some sour grapes of his own to squash as he kvetches about the judge picking Richard over him. I’d like to take a minute and kvetch about Spike’s choice of headwear. Spike, buddy, Kevin Federline called and he wants his hat back.

Take the blue pill or the red pill – To prepare for the Elimination Challenge, Padma has the chefs split themselves into two teams: Team Red and Team Blue. No word on where Team White went – probably still trying to memorize the “Star-Spangled Banner.”

Whenever you watch people spilt into teams, it’s a fascinating social experiment. Who will gravitate toward each other? Who will stay away from each other? Who will get picked last for kickball? Oh, wait, sorry – painful childhood memory.

The teams shake out as such: Blue Team – Richard, Mark, Stephanie, Lisa, Antonia, Nikki and Manuel; Red Team – Spike, Ryan, Andrew, Jennifer, Zoi, Erik and Dale.

Was there ever any doubt the kitchen couple would pair off? Jennifer calls Zoi “one of the best cooks” she has ever worked with, and Zoi says she and Jennifer “know each other’s palates” better than the rest of the team, among other stuff. What? I was referring to their shoes. Really, their shoes. Get your minds out of the gutter, people. Seriously. We’re trying to run a respectful recap here.

What gratuitous product placement? – The teams jump into matching red and blue Toyota Highlanders. We know this because the kind folks at Bravo show us about 3,000 exterior and interior shots of said Highlanders rolling down the streets of Chicago. We get it; Toyota is a sponsor. Please, can someone cook something?

Once inside their, uh – what kind of cars were they again? – the chefs try to use directional clues to guess the challenge. They text back and forth, and you know there is no more exciting television than watching adults text-message each other.

Their destination turns out to be a nice, tree-lined Chicago neighborhood. Padma lays out the Elimination Challenge rules while wearing a pale yellow top and thick silver bracelet. The sun hits her hair just so, sending a warm glow of light over her face and … Mmm, Padma, mmm. Oh, where was I?

The challenge is for each team to cook for the neighborhood’s MealsTogether.com block party. Ah, but here’s the rub: Instead of going to a nice big, well-stocked grocery store, they’re going to have to get all their ingredients from the friendly neighbors on the block. That’s right – they’re going to raid the fine people of Chicago’s refrigerators like marauding pirates.

Meet your neighbors – Blue Team member Richard is glad he has immunity for this one because he is “not super social.” The Red Team has no such anxieties. In fact, they redub themselves “Team Sexy.” No, really, Team Sexy. And they have a strategy.

Andrew: We immediately send Ryan in because Ryan is a pretty boy and he speaks very well. So it just makes sense to send Ryan in first and say, “Hey, I’m tall, dark and handsome. I need some grapes.”

Door bells are rung, pantries are pillaged. As Blue Team heads to a house, Spike helpfully tells them they’ve already been cleaned out. But, of course, they haven’t.

Spike: I’m here to win, for God’s sake.

Or is he really there to win over Britney Spears?

The Red and Blue teams show their inherent differences right away in their menus. Reserved Blue goes upscale; gregarious Red goes classic Americana. Playing to the judges versus playing to the crowd – gee, wonder how that’ll go.

Fired up and ready to cook – Three hours of cooking gets slicing and dicing. Blue Team members all decide to do an individual dish. Richard has paella; chefbian Lisa, slaw; Antonia, bean salad; Mark, inside-out cookie; Stephanie, fruit cobbler; Nikki, mac ‘n’ cheese; and team effort on the “sexy drink.”

Nikki proceeds to pull out two obscenely big bricks of Velveeta. Ah, yes, processed cheese: the secret ingredient of any four-star restaurant.

Stephanie decides to switch up dessert and fry gyoza wrappers with Mexican cinnamon and sugar, served with streusel-topped fruit. It’s a ballsy move considering her fried celery root chipslast week were a soggy bust.

Over on Team Sexy, confidence is the secret ingredient.

Andrew: You guys smell that? Successss!

Hmm, does that smell anything like napalm in the morning?

I’m too sexy for my apron – The rest of Team Sexy busy themselves with the picnic food at hand. The dishes they hope will dazzle the crowd? Jennifer has sliders; Erik, corn dogs; Dale, pork skewers; Andrew, sangria; Ryan, Waldorf salad; Zoi, pasta salad; Spike, taco salad; and team effort on the s’mores.

But Zoi is none too happy with her assignment. The pasta salad wasn’t her idea; it was just all that was left. Again, I’m having a kickball flashback.

Zoi: It’s not, like, a Top Chef winner. You know, like, I won Top Chef by making f—ing pasta salad? I mean, it’s not going to happen. I’m feeling a little bit like I should have said something.

Dale thinks he should have said something too. He worries their corn dogs and sliders won’t be refined enough for the judges. But, hey, they’ve got a killer Super Bowl party menu going.

Peeping Tom – Head Judge Tom Colicchio comes in to check up on the progress. He immediately cuts through all this sexy business. What makes Blue Team’s “sexy drink” sexy? Apparently, lavender. Whew, and I was worried it would be Axe body spray. And why are Team Sexy’s dishes the winning dishes? Apparently, heart. Luckily they mean that metaphorically, because giblets gross me out.

Over at Ryan’s station, Chef Tall, Dark and Handsome tells Tom about the mayonnaise-less Waldorf salad he is preparing.

Tom: You know, the funny thing is, the mayonnaise is what keeps everything fresh.

The look on Ryan’s face foretells another epic chicken “McNuggets” piccata disaster in the making.

Have food, will travel – Blue Team member Nikki worries her mac ‘n’ cheese may be fatally flawed because of the lag time between completion and service at the block party. Yeah, have you ever seen what Velveeta does once congealed? It ain’t pretty, people. And over on Team Sexy, Erik worries about his dish’s lag time too, but for more mushy reasons. His fried corn dogs will have to sit in a hot box and could lose their crisp. Dry mac ‘n’ cheese and soggy corn dogs; it really is like block party food.

Dishes packed, the teams arrive at the block party and have 20 minutes to set up. As suspected, Erik’s corn dogs went limp and Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheese got hard. Ahem. But this is no time to let them see you sweat, because the judges have arrived. Joining Padma, Tom and Rick is former Queer Eye for the Straight Guyfoodie Ted Allen.

The neighborhood descends on the team tables. Plates are filled, s’mores are blowtorch brû léed. The judges stop at the Blue table first. Ted and Padma seem particularly excited by Stephanie’s streusel fruit crumble with cinnamon gyoza/wonton. Then they leave and they keep all their catty comments about each dish to themselves. No fair!

Over at the Sexy table, Padma and Ted load up and light up when they see the s’mores. Geez, those things work on everyone. But Padma experiences a s’mores malfunction and drops hers on Ted’s no-doubt very expensive shoes. Oh, girl, don’t mess with a gay man’s footwear. Ted assures her that she’ll be receiving a bill in the mail.

Slam-dunk dining – Spike says Team Red Sexy Cocky has the challenge in the bag because they’re more charismatic and have “the schmooze factor.” The judges, once again, give nothing away. Catty comments, we demand catty comments.

Instead, the chefs have to talk their own trash. Blue Team honorary chefbian Richard brings the claws out and assures his people that “little hamburgers aren’t that great.” But inside he worries about Team Cocky’s outward displays of dominance. They’re slapping high fives and playing hoops and drinking beers without a care in the world. Dominance? More like dumbinance.

Back in the judging waiting room, Team Cocky continues its swagger. Across the circle, Blue Team color-coordinates with its mood. Padma comes to the entrance and asks for – wait for it, wait for it – the Blue Team. And that, my friends, is how you deflate an overinflated ego. Any questions?

Lesser of two evils – At Judges’ Table, the stone-faced panel gives nothing away. In fact, Tom chastises the team for a bit.

Tom: Considering the first two challenges, I was expecting a lot more from this team. And this just kind of left me asking, Is this the same group of people?

Then the judges start to pick them apart one by one. Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheesetastrophe formed a brick. Richard’s paella was a rice pilaf in disguise. And Stephanie’s fruit crisp and sexy drink were, actually, really yummy.

So the Blue Team was the winning team after all. Everyone celebrates in their own way: Some pray, some sigh, some look like they want to vomit.

Padma warns them that they only won by a small margin, but a win is a win. Antonia’s bean salad and Stephanie’s fruit wonton dessert are the judges’ favorites. In fact, Tom says the latter is probably why they won. So Stephanie picks up the win and lays the demons of underfried chips to rest. Gosh, she is adorable. It’s official: She is now an honorary chefbian. So is it written; so it shall be.

Tom chides them one more time before asking them to send in the real losers. The no-longer Blues stoically tell the no-longer Cockies that Padma wants to see them. Blue Team has the good manners to not gloat and dance and play the didgeridoo until after their bested competition has left the room. (P.S. How adorable is Stephanie’s little robot dance? I’m so glad I made her a chefbian, even if only in my mind.)

Not going gently into that good night – Inside with the judges, the Red Team is seeing red. Padma asks Ryan what got them there and he honestly doesn’t know. Spike takes it even further.

Spike: I thought we kicked their ass, to be honest. Padma: You didn’t.

Oh, snap. The soggy corn dogs are the first to come under fire. Erik says they’re “as good as [he] can do with hot dogs.” Zoi tries to stem the bleeding by explaining their approach.

Zoi: We just decided that it was middle America, block party, kids. Tom: That is fine, but does that mean you should dumb down what you’re doing? Zoi: No, that’s not what we were doing at all.

Next on the firing line is Ryan’s Waldorf salad. Too much chicken and too little crunch equals a soggy gloop. Now it’s Spike’s turn to try to cauterize the wound.

Spike: You have to take in consideration that you guys are four people on the panel that have very good palates, intense palates. You can taste food better than others. Jennifer: But we were cooking for the neighborhood.

Psst, Jennifer, you just totally blew your girlfriend’s argument. But Spike can’t leave well enough alone and tries to reason his way out of sucking. He says everyone tasted everyone else’s dishes and was happy with them.

Spike: We kind of made the block party. Tom: All right, everyone tasted Zoi’s pasta and everybody thought it was good? Then you guys collectively have really poor palates, ’cause it was bland, it was oily and it had no flavor at all.

Oh, double snap. But instead of throwing Zoi under the bus, her teammates comfort her and Erik tells the judges that the pasta salad wasn’t Zoi’s choice.

At this point Andrew has had enough and says their team’s effort and camaraderie should have put them over the top. He also says they’d have to drag him out with security before he’d leave because “this is my house.” Tom looks like he is not sure if he should laugh or run.

Once, twice, three times the terrible – Sent back to await their fate, the Red(-faced) Team members grouse. The judges grouse, too. Their decision boils down to three terrible dishes: the soggy Waldorf salad, the soggy corn dog and the flavorless pasta salad.

Zoi kicks herself for not speaking up against the pasta salad. Chefbian Jennifer realizes her girlfriend may be the one sent home. You can see by the look on her face the amount of processing that they’d have to do if Zoi got kicked off first. She’d better just hope the show crowns its first dual Top Chefs.

Once back facing the judges, the cheftestants get spanked by Tom some more. But who has to pack his/her knives and go? Erik.

Big bear hugs all around for departing Erik. A relieved Zoi later tells the cameras that she is sorry to see him go, but, “I’m glad it wasn’t me who had to go home for pasta salad. That would have been super embarrassing.” I don’t know, Zoi. I think being sent home for corn dogs is about as embarrassing as it gets. And don’t forget, he gave the world the abomination known as nacho soufflé back in the first Elimination Challenge. An unholy creation like that you never live down.

Next time on Top Chef: Plastic wrap does not flambé. Richard Roeper gives the thumbs-up. Andrew is Dorf on Cooking.

Stephanie: It’s definitely a little sad to see, like, another woman leaving. We all just want a woman to make it to the finals and to represent.

Amen, sister, amen.

Chefbian couple Jennifer and Zoi share another snuggle moment on the bed. I notice they’ve taken a bottom bunk; very wise, very wise indeed.

Zoi muses on the state of female chefs in the food industry.

Zoi: It’s not common to have one lesbian in the kitchen; it’s not common to have one woman in the kitchen. That I think is probably the biggest struggle as a female, is just to break people’s image of what a chef is.

The producers then cut to Spike and Andrew faux-smashing each other into a wall. Yep, they look like chefs to me. Andrew explains his actions by saying he thinks part of the job of being a chef is also to be an entertainer. Hmm, last time I checked no one wanted their steak cooked by Bobo the Clown.

Run for the border – Enough horsing around; time to cook. The Quickfire brings back Padma and new guest judge Rick Bayless, chef/owner of Chicago restaurants Frontera Grill and Topolobampo. Bayless is known for turning Mexican food into fine dining, ergo the challenge is to – you guessed it – turn Mexican food into fine dining.

Our 14 remaining cheftestants must take on the simple taco and reinvent it as a gourmet dish. Great, would you like mild, hot or fire sauce with that?

Erik – he of the neck tattoo, blingy chain and silly hat – immediately has a problem with the concept.

Erik: Mexican food is about the people and it’s about the streets. It’s a soulful kind of a thing. To put fine dining in it, it just kind of bugs me.

OK, so Mexican food can’t be fancy? A whole country’s cuisine and none of it is gourmet? It’s all from the street? Dude, you’ve eaten at way too many taco trucks.

The rest of the chefs get busy innovating. Manuel grabs some cactus. Spike, who apparently shares Erik’s view of the taco, keeps it simple. Andrew chooses plantain and duck. Richard takes “reinvent” to heart and uses jicama in lieu of tortillas. Three minutes of on-screen cooking later (talk about your Quickfire), it’s time to taste.

Time for “fourthmeal” – Rick and Padma reemerge to level their judgments.

Manuel‘s chorizo taco: Guessing this isn’t the first taco you’ve made.

Lisa‘s grilled skirt-steak taco: [Indecipherable mumbles. Why? They can’t bite through the steak.]

Andrew‘s duck and plantain taco: One of my favorite tacos in the world is the duck taco.

Erik‘s chipotle chicken taco: It’s very traditional flavors.

Spike‘s ground pork taco: If you were going for street style [fist pump].

Ryan‘s grilled squash chickpea tacos: Thank you.

Richard‘s jicama tortilla tacos: [No comment, just eating.]

But was Chef Bayless impressed by any of the tacos? Not so much. Instead of gourmet tacos, he says he got a lot of street tacos, because listening is apparently not one of the cheftestants many kitchen skills.

The Bad: Erik (“the plate looked sort of like a train wreck”), Lisa (“no one can bite through [rare skirt steak]”), Ryan (“that piece of paper [around the taco] really bugged me for fine dining”).

Sore loser Erik has a few sour grapes to squeeze.

Erik: I don’t think fine dining and Mexican go together, so he can go screw himself.

Again with the degrading of an entire country’s culture and cuisine. Also, how about you make a taco that doesn’t look like something they serve at Denny’s at 3 a.m. and maybe then you can tell a six-time James Beard Award-winning executive chef to go screw himself, OK?

The Good: Andrew (“flavors were really good and quite refined”), Richard (“it tasted like Mexican street food, but the package was pure fine dining”), Spike (“the flavor was super soul-satisfying”).

Richard gets the win and immunity for his beautiful dish. His victory also comes with the surprise that Chef Bayless is going to steal his recipe and put it on the menu at Topolobampo.

Spike has some sour grapes of his own to squash as he kvetches about the judge picking Richard over him. I’d like to take a minute and kvetch about Spike’s choice of headwear. Spike, buddy, Kevin Federline called and he wants his hat back.

Take the blue pill or the red pill – To prepare for the Elimination Challenge, Padma has the chefs split themselves into two teams: Team Red and Team Blue. No word on where Team White went – probably still trying to memorize the “Star-Spangled Banner.”

Whenever you watch people spilt into teams, it’s a fascinating social experiment. Who will gravitate toward each other? Who will stay away from each other? Who will get picked last for kickball? Oh, wait, sorry – painful childhood memory.

The teams shake out as such: Blue Team – Richard, Mark, Stephanie, Lisa, Antonia, Nikki and Manuel; Red Team – Spike, Ryan, Andrew, Jennifer, Zoi, Erik and Dale.

Was there ever any doubt the kitchen couple would pair off? Jennifer calls Zoi “one of the best cooks” she has ever worked with, and Zoi says she and Jennifer “know each other’s palates” better than the rest of the team, among other stuff. What? I was referring to their shoes. Really, their shoes. Get your minds out of the gutter, people. Seriously. We’re trying to run a respectful recap here.

What gratuitous product placement? – The teams jump into matching red and blue Toyota Highlanders. We know this because the kind folks at Bravo show us about 3,000 exterior and interior shots of said Highlanders rolling down the streets of Chicago. We get it; Toyota is a sponsor. Please, can someone cook something?

Once inside their, uh – what kind of cars were they again? – the chefs try to use directional clues to guess the challenge. They text back and forth, and you know there is no more exciting television than watching adults text-message each other.

Their destination turns out to be a nice, tree-lined Chicago neighborhood. Padma lays out the Elimination Challenge rules while wearing a pale yellow top and thick silver bracelet. The sun hits her hair just so, sending a warm glow of light over her face and … Mmm, Padma, mmm. Oh, where was I?

The challenge is for each team to cook for the neighborhood’s MealsTogether.com block party. Ah, but here’s the rub: Instead of going to a nice big, well-stocked grocery store, they’re going to have to get all their ingredients from the friendly neighbors on the block. That’s right – they’re going to raid the fine people of Chicago’s refrigerators like marauding pirates.

Meet your neighbors – Blue Team member Richard is glad he has immunity for this one because he is “not super social.” The Red Team has no such anxieties. In fact, they redub themselves “Team Sexy.” No, really, Team Sexy. And they have a strategy.

Andrew: We immediately send Ryan in because Ryan is a pretty boy and he speaks very well. So it just makes sense to send Ryan in first and say, “Hey, I’m tall, dark and handsome. I need some grapes.”

Door bells are rung, pantries are pillaged. As Blue Team heads to a house, Spike helpfully tells them they’ve already been cleaned out. But, of course, they haven’t.

Spike: I’m here to win, for God’s sake.

Or is he really there to win over Britney Spears?

The Red and Blue teams show their inherent differences right away in their menus. Reserved Blue goes upscale; gregarious Red goes classic Americana. Playing to the judges versus playing to the crowd – gee, wonder how that’ll go.

Fired up and ready to cook – Three hours of cooking gets slicing and dicing. Blue Team members all decide to do an individual dish. Richard has paella; chefbian Lisa, slaw; Antonia, bean salad; Mark, inside-out cookie; Stephanie, fruit cobbler; Nikki, mac ‘n’ cheese; and team effort on the “sexy drink.”

Nikki proceeds to pull out two obscenely big bricks of Velveeta. Ah, yes, processed cheese: the secret ingredient of any four-star restaurant.

Stephanie decides to switch up dessert and fry gyoza wrappers with Mexican cinnamon and sugar, served with streusel-topped fruit. It’s a ballsy move considering her fried celery root chipslast week were a soggy bust.

Over on Team Sexy, confidence is the secret ingredient.

Andrew: You guys smell that? Successss!

Hmm, does that smell anything like napalm in the morning?

I’m too sexy for my apron – The rest of Team Sexy busy themselves with the picnic food at hand. The dishes they hope will dazzle the crowd? Jennifer has sliders; Erik, corn dogs; Dale, pork skewers; Andrew, sangria; Ryan, Waldorf salad; Zoi, pasta salad; Spike, taco salad; and team effort on the s’mores.

But Zoi is none too happy with her assignment. The pasta salad wasn’t her idea; it was just all that was left. Again, I’m having a kickball flashback.

Zoi: It’s not, like, a Top Chef winner. You know, like, I won Top Chef by making f—ing pasta salad? I mean, it’s not going to happen. I’m feeling a little bit like I should have said something.

Dale thinks he should have said something too. He worries their corn dogs and sliders won’t be refined enough for the judges. But, hey, they’ve got a killer Super Bowl party menu going.

Peeping Tom – Head Judge Tom Colicchio comes in to check up on the progress. He immediately cuts through all this sexy business. What makes Blue Team’s “sexy drink” sexy? Apparently, lavender. Whew, and I was worried it would be Axe body spray. And why are Team Sexy’s dishes the winning dishes? Apparently, heart. Luckily they mean that metaphorically, because giblets gross me out.

Over at Ryan’s station, Chef Tall, Dark and Handsome tells Tom about the mayonnaise-less Waldorf salad he is preparing.

Tom: You know, the funny thing is, the mayonnaise is what keeps everything fresh.

The look on Ryan’s face foretells another epic chicken “McNuggets” piccata disaster in the making.

Have food, will travel – Blue Team member Nikki worries her mac ‘n’ cheese may be fatally flawed because of the lag time between completion and service at the block party. Yeah, have you ever seen what Velveeta does once congealed? It ain’t pretty, people. And over on Team Sexy, Erik worries about his dish’s lag time too, but for more mushy reasons. His fried corn dogs will have to sit in a hot box and could lose their crisp. Dry mac ‘n’ cheese and soggy corn dogs; it really is like block party food.

Dishes packed, the teams arrive at the block party and have 20 minutes to set up. As suspected, Erik’s corn dogs went limp and Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheese got hard. Ahem. But this is no time to let them see you sweat, because the judges have arrived. Joining Padma, Tom and Rick is former Queer Eye for the Straight Guyfoodie Ted Allen.

The neighborhood descends on the team tables. Plates are filled, s’mores are blowtorch brû léed. The judges stop at the Blue table first. Ted and Padma seem particularly excited by Stephanie’s streusel fruit crumble with cinnamon gyoza/wonton. Then they leave and they keep all their catty comments about each dish to themselves. No fair!

Over at the Sexy table, Padma and Ted load up and light up when they see the s’mores. Geez, those things work on everyone. But Padma experiences a s’mores malfunction and drops hers on Ted’s no-doubt very expensive shoes. Oh, girl, don’t mess with a gay man’s footwear. Ted assures her that she’ll be receiving a bill in the mail.

Slam-dunk dining – Spike says Team Red Sexy Cocky has the challenge in the bag because they’re more charismatic and have “the schmooze factor.” The judges, once again, give nothing away. Catty comments, we demand catty comments.

Instead, the chefs have to talk their own trash. Blue Team honorary chefbian Richard brings the claws out and assures his people that “little hamburgers aren’t that great.” But inside he worries about Team Cocky’s outward displays of dominance. They’re slapping high fives and playing hoops and drinking beers without a care in the world. Dominance? More like dumbinance.

Back in the judging waiting room, Team Cocky continues its swagger. Across the circle, Blue Team color-coordinates with its mood. Padma comes to the entrance and asks for – wait for it, wait for it – the Blue Team. And that, my friends, is how you deflate an overinflated ego. Any questions?

Lesser of two evils – At Judges’ Table, the stone-faced panel gives nothing away. In fact, Tom chastises the team for a bit.

Tom: Considering the first two challenges, I was expecting a lot more from this team. And this just kind of left me asking, Is this the same group of people?

Then the judges start to pick them apart one by one. Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheesetastrophe formed a brick. Richard’s paella was a rice pilaf in disguise. And Stephanie’s fruit crisp and sexy drink were, actually, really yummy.

So the Blue Team was the winning team after all. Everyone celebrates in their own way: Some pray, some sigh, some look like they want to vomit.

Padma warns them that they only won by a small margin, but a win is a win. Antonia’s bean salad and Stephanie’s fruit wonton dessert are the judges’ favorites. In fact, Tom says the latter is probably why they won. So Stephanie picks up the win and lays the demons of underfried chips to rest. Gosh, she is adorable. It’s official: She is now an honorary chefbian. So is it written; so it shall be.

Tom chides them one more time before asking them to send in the real losers. The no-longer Blues stoically tell the no-longer Cockies that Padma wants to see them. Blue Team has the good manners to not gloat and dance and play the didgeridoo until after their bested competition has left the room. (P.S. How adorable is Stephanie’s little robot dance? I’m so glad I made her a chefbian, even if only in my mind.)

Not going gently into that good night – Inside with the judges, the Red Team is seeing red. Padma asks Ryan what got them there and he honestly doesn’t know. Spike takes it even further.

Spike: I thought we kicked their ass, to be honest. Padma: You didn’t.

Oh, snap. The soggy corn dogs are the first to come under fire. Erik says they’re “as good as [he] can do with hot dogs.” Zoi tries to stem the bleeding by explaining their approach.

Zoi: We just decided that it was middle America, block party, kids. Tom: That is fine, but does that mean you should dumb down what you’re doing? Zoi: No, that’s not what we were doing at all.

Next on the firing line is Ryan’s Waldorf salad. Too much chicken and too little crunch equals a soggy gloop. Now it’s Spike’s turn to try to cauterize the wound.

Spike: You have to take in consideration that you guys are four people on the panel that have very good palates, intense palates. You can taste food better than others. Jennifer: But we were cooking for the neighborhood.

Psst, Jennifer, you just totally blew your girlfriend’s argument. But Spike can’t leave well enough alone and tries to reason his way out of sucking. He says everyone tasted everyone else’s dishes and was happy with them.

Spike: We kind of made the block party. Tom: All right, everyone tasted Zoi’s pasta and everybody thought it was good? Then you guys collectively have really poor palates, ’cause it was bland, it was oily and it had no flavor at all.

Oh, double snap. But instead of throwing Zoi under the bus, her teammates comfort her and Erik tells the judges that the pasta salad wasn’t Zoi’s choice.

At this point Andrew has had enough and says their team’s effort and camaraderie should have put them over the top. He also says they’d have to drag him out with security before he’d leave because “this is my house.” Tom looks like he is not sure if he should laugh or run.

Once, twice, three times the terrible – Sent back to await their fate, the Red(-faced) Team members grouse. The judges grouse, too. Their decision boils down to three terrible dishes: the soggy Waldorf salad, the soggy corn dog and the flavorless pasta salad.

Zoi kicks herself for not speaking up against the pasta salad. Chefbian Jennifer realizes her girlfriend may be the one sent home. You can see by the look on her face the amount of processing that they’d have to do if Zoi got kicked off first. She’d better just hope the show crowns its first dual Top Chefs.

Once back facing the judges, the cheftestants get spanked by Tom some more. But who has to pack his/her knives and go? Erik.

Big bear hugs all around for departing Erik. A relieved Zoi later tells the cameras that she is sorry to see him go, but, “I’m glad it wasn’t me who had to go home for pasta salad. That would have been super embarrassing.” I don’t know, Zoi. I think being sent home for corn dogs is about as embarrassing as it gets. And don’t forget, he gave the world the abomination known as nacho soufflé back in the first Elimination Challenge. An unholy creation like that you never live down.

Next time on Top Chef: Plastic wrap does not flambé. Richard Roeper gives the thumbs-up. Andrew is Dorf on Cooking.

THIS WEEK’S KITCHEN ESSENTIALS:

Quickfire: Yo quiero Taco Bell. Elimination: Won’t you be my neighbor? Padmaism: “The wonton was genius.”

Boys will be boys – It’s morning in the casa and Spike and Andrew have apparently turned 14 overnight. They slap each other with towels and mock-wrestle. Look, desirable 18-25-year-old demographic, Top Chef is just like The Real World. Later they’ll all get in the hot tub and make out. Please, watch our show.

While the boys parade around half-naked, the women (fully clothed) bemoan the loss of one of their sisters, Valerie, in the last Elimination Challenge.

Stephanie: It’s definitely a little sad to see, like, another woman leaving. We all just want a woman to make it to the finals and to represent.

Amen, sister, amen.

Chefbian couple Jennifer and Zoi share another snuggle moment on the bed. I notice they’ve taken a bottom bunk; very wise, very wise indeed.

Zoi muses on the state of female chefs in the food industry.

Zoi: It’s not common to have one lesbian in the kitchen; it’s not common to have one woman in the kitchen. That I think is probably the biggest struggle as a female, is just to break people’s image of what a chef is.

The producers then cut to Spike and Andrew faux-smashing each other into a wall. Yep, they look like chefs to me. Andrew explains his actions by saying he thinks part of the job of being a chef is also to be an entertainer. Hmm, last time I checked no one wanted their steak cooked by Bobo the Clown.

Run for the border – Enough horsing around; time to cook. The Quickfire brings back Padma and new guest judge Rick Bayless, chef/owner of Chicago restaurants Frontera Grill and Topolobampo. Bayless is known for turning Mexican food into fine dining, ergo the challenge is to – you guessed it – turn Mexican food into fine dining.

Our 14 remaining cheftestants must take on the simple taco and reinvent it as a gourmet dish. Great, would you like mild, hot or fire sauce with that?

Erik – he of the neck tattoo, blingy chain and silly hat – immediately has a problem with the concept.

Erik: Mexican food is about the people and it’s about the streets. It’s a soulful kind of a thing. To put fine dining in it, it just kind of bugs me.

OK, so Mexican food can’t be fancy? A whole country’s cuisine and none of it is gourmet? It’s all from the street? Dude, you’ve eaten at way too many taco trucks.

The rest of the chefs get busy innovating. Manuel grabs some cactus. Spike, who apparently shares Erik’s view of the taco, keeps it simple. Andrew chooses plantain and duck. Richard takes “reinvent” to heart and uses jicama in lieu of tortillas. Three minutes of on-screen cooking later (talk about your Quickfire), it’s time to taste.

Time for “fourthmeal” – Rick and Padma reemerge to level their judgments.

Manuel‘s chorizo taco: Guessing this isn’t the first taco you’ve made.

Lisa‘s grilled skirt-steak taco: [Indecipherable mumbles. Why? They can’t bite through the steak.]

Andrew‘s duck and plantain taco: One of my favorite tacos in the world is the duck taco.

Erik‘s chipotle chicken taco: It’s very traditional flavors.

Spike‘s ground pork taco: If you were going for street style [fist pump].

Ryan‘s grilled squash chickpea tacos: Thank you.

Richard‘s jicama tortilla tacos: [No comment, just eating.]

But was Chef Bayless impressed by any of the tacos? Not so much. Instead of gourmet tacos, he says he got a lot of street tacos, because listening is apparently not one of the cheftestants many kitchen skills.

The Bad: Erik (“the plate looked sort of like a train wreck”), Lisa (“no one can bite through [rare skirt steak]”), Ryan (“that piece of paper [around the taco] really bugged me for fine dining”).

Sore loser Erik has a few sour grapes to squeeze.

Erik: I don’t think fine dining and Mexican go together, so he can go screw himself.

Again with the degrading of an entire country’s culture and cuisine. Also, how about you make a taco that doesn’t look like something they serve at Denny’s at 3 a.m. and maybe then you can tell a six-time James Beard Award-winning executive chef to go screw himself, OK?

The Good: Andrew (“flavors were really good and quite refined”), Richard (“it tasted like Mexican street food, but the package was pure fine dining”), Spike (“the flavor was super soul-satisfying”).

Richard gets the win and immunity for his beautiful dish. His victory also comes with the surprise that Chef Bayless is going to steal his recipe and put it on the menu at Topolobampo.

Spike has some sour grapes of his own to squash as he kvetches about the judge picking Richard over him. I’d like to take a minute and kvetch about Spike’s choice of headwear. Spike, buddy, Kevin Federline called and he wants his hat back.

Take the blue pill or the red pill – To prepare for the Elimination Challenge, Padma has the chefs split themselves into two teams: Team Red and Team Blue. No word on where Team White went – probably still trying to memorize the “Star-Spangled Banner.”

Whenever you watch people spilt into teams, it’s a fascinating social experiment. Who will gravitate toward each other? Who will stay away from each other? Who will get picked last for kickball? Oh, wait, sorry – painful childhood memory.

The teams shake out as such: Blue Team – Richard, Mark, Stephanie, Lisa, Antonia, Nikki and Manuel; Red Team – Spike, Ryan, Andrew, Jennifer, Zoi, Erik and Dale.

Was there ever any doubt the kitchen couple would pair off? Jennifer calls Zoi “one of the best cooks” she has ever worked with, and Zoi says she and Jennifer “know each other’s palates” better than the rest of the team, among other stuff. What? I was referring to their shoes. Really, their shoes. Get your minds out of the gutter, people. Seriously. We’re trying to run a respectful recap here.

What gratuitous product placement? – The teams jump into matching red and blue Toyota Highlanders. We know this because the kind folks at Bravo show us about 3,000 exterior and interior shots of said Highlanders rolling down the streets of Chicago. We get it; Toyota is a sponsor. Please, can someone cook something?

Once inside their, uh – what kind of cars were they again? – the chefs try to use directional clues to guess the challenge. They text back and forth, and you know there is no more exciting television than watching adults text-message each other.

Their destination turns out to be a nice, tree-lined Chicago neighborhood. Padma lays out the Elimination Challenge rules while wearing a pale yellow top and thick silver bracelet. The sun hits her hair just so, sending a warm glow of light over her face and … Mmm, Padma, mmm. Oh, where was I?

The challenge is for each team to cook for the neighborhood’s MealsTogether.com block party. Ah, but here’s the rub: Instead of going to a nice big, well-stocked grocery store, they’re going to have to get all their ingredients from the friendly neighbors on the block. That’s right – they’re going to raid the fine people of Chicago’s refrigerators like marauding pirates.

Meet your neighbors – Blue Team member Richard is glad he has immunity for this one because he is “not super social.” The Red Team has no such anxieties. In fact, they redub themselves “Team Sexy.” No, really, Team Sexy. And they have a strategy.

Andrew: We immediately send Ryan in because Ryan is a pretty boy and he speaks very well. So it just makes sense to send Ryan in first and say, “Hey, I’m tall, dark and handsome. I need some grapes.”

Door bells are rung, pantries are pillaged. As Blue Team heads to a house, Spike helpfully tells them they’ve already been cleaned out. But, of course, they haven’t.

Spike: I’m here to win, for God’s sake.

Or is he really there to win over Britney Spears?

The Red and Blue teams show their inherent differences right away in their menus. Reserved Blue goes upscale; gregarious Red goes classic Americana. Playing to the judges versus playing to the crowd – gee, wonder how that’ll go.

Fired up and ready to cook – Three hours of cooking gets slicing and dicing. Blue Team members all decide to do an individual dish. Richard has paella; chefbian Lisa, slaw; Antonia, bean salad; Mark, inside-out cookie; Stephanie, fruit cobbler; Nikki, mac ‘n’ cheese; and team effort on the “sexy drink.”

Nikki proceeds to pull out two obscenely big bricks of Velveeta. Ah, yes, processed cheese: the secret ingredient of any four-star restaurant.

Stephanie decides to switch up dessert and fry gyoza wrappers with Mexican cinnamon and sugar, served with streusel-topped fruit. It’s a ballsy move considering her fried celery root chipslast week were a soggy bust.

Over on Team Sexy, confidence is the secret ingredient.

Andrew: You guys smell that? Successss!

Hmm, does that smell anything like napalm in the morning?

I’m too sexy for my apron – The rest of Team Sexy busy themselves with the picnic food at hand. The dishes they hope will dazzle the crowd? Jennifer has sliders; Erik, corn dogs; Dale, pork skewers; Andrew, sangria; Ryan, Waldorf salad; Zoi, pasta salad; Spike, taco salad; and team effort on the s’mores.

But Zoi is none too happy with her assignment. The pasta salad wasn’t her idea; it was just all that was left. Again, I’m having a kickball flashback.

Zoi: It’s not, like, a Top Chef winner. You know, like, I won Top Chef by making f—ing pasta salad? I mean, it’s not going to happen. I’m feeling a little bit like I should have said something.

Dale thinks he should have said something too. He worries their corn dogs and sliders won’t be refined enough for the judges. But, hey, they’ve got a killer Super Bowl party menu going.

Peeping Tom – Head Judge Tom Colicchio comes in to check up on the progress. He immediately cuts through all this sexy business. What makes Blue Team’s “sexy drink” sexy? Apparently, lavender. Whew, and I was worried it would be Axe body spray. And why are Team Sexy’s dishes the winning dishes? Apparently, heart. Luckily they mean that metaphorically, because giblets gross me out.

Over at Ryan’s station, Chef Tall, Dark and Handsome tells Tom about the mayonnaise-less Waldorf salad he is preparing.

Tom: You know, the funny thing is, the mayonnaise is what keeps everything fresh.

The look on Ryan’s face foretells another epic chicken “McNuggets” piccata disaster in the making.

Have food, will travel – Blue Team member Nikki worries her mac ‘n’ cheese may be fatally flawed because of the lag time between completion and service at the block party. Yeah, have you ever seen what Velveeta does once congealed? It ain’t pretty, people. And over on Team Sexy, Erik worries about his dish’s lag time too, but for more mushy reasons. His fried corn dogs will have to sit in a hot box and could lose their crisp. Dry mac ‘n’ cheese and soggy corn dogs; it really is like block party food.

Dishes packed, the teams arrive at the block party and have 20 minutes to set up. As suspected, Erik’s corn dogs went limp and Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheese got hard. Ahem. But this is no time to let them see you sweat, because the judges have arrived. Joining Padma, Tom and Rick is former Queer Eye for the Straight Guyfoodie Ted Allen.

The neighborhood descends on the team tables. Plates are filled, s’mores are blowtorch brû léed. The judges stop at the Blue table first. Ted and Padma seem particularly excited by Stephanie’s streusel fruit crumble with cinnamon gyoza/wonton. Then they leave and they keep all their catty comments about each dish to themselves. No fair!

Over at the Sexy table, Padma and Ted load up and light up when they see the s’mores. Geez, those things work on everyone. But Padma experiences a s’mores malfunction and drops hers on Ted’s no-doubt very expensive shoes. Oh, girl, don’t mess with a gay man’s footwear. Ted assures her that she’ll be receiving a bill in the mail.

Slam-dunk dining – Spike says Team Red Sexy Cocky has the challenge in the bag because they’re more charismatic and have “the schmooze factor.” The judges, once again, give nothing away. Catty comments, we demand catty comments.

Instead, the chefs have to talk their own trash. Blue Team honorary chefbian Richard brings the claws out and assures his people that “little hamburgers aren’t that great.” But inside he worries about Team Cocky’s outward displays of dominance. They’re slapping high fives and playing hoops and drinking beers without a care in the world. Dominance? More like dumbinance.

Back in the judging waiting room, Team Cocky continues its swagger. Across the circle, Blue Team color-coordinates with its mood. Padma comes to the entrance and asks for – wait for it, wait for it – the Blue Team. And that, my friends, is how you deflate an overinflated ego. Any questions?

Lesser of two evils – At Judges’ Table, the stone-faced panel gives nothing away. In fact, Tom chastises the team for a bit.

Tom: Considering the first two challenges, I was expecting a lot more from this team. And this just kind of left me asking, Is this the same group of people?

Then the judges start to pick them apart one by one. Nikki’s mac ‘n’ cheesetastrophe formed a brick. Richard’s paella was a rice pilaf in disguise. And Stephanie’s fruit crisp and sexy drink were, actually, really yummy.

So the Blue Team was the winning team after all. Everyone celebrates in their own way: Some pray, some sigh, some look like they want to vomit.

Padma warns them that they only won by a small margin, but a win is a win. Antonia’s bean salad and Stephanie’s fruit wonton dessert are the judges’ favorites. In fact, Tom says the latter is probably why they won. So Stephanie picks up the win and lays the demons of underfried chips to rest. Gosh, she is adorable. It’s official: She is now an honorary chefbian. So is it written; so it shall be.

Tom chides them one more time before asking them to send in the real losers. The no-longer Blues stoically tell the no-longer Cockies that Padma wants to see them. Blue Team has the good manners to not gloat and dance and play the didgeridoo until after their bested competition has left the room. (P.S. How adorable is Stephanie’s little robot dance? I’m so glad I made her a chefbian, even if only in my mind.)

Not going gently into that good night – Inside with the judges, the Red Team is seeing red. Padma asks Ryan what got them there and he honestly doesn’t know. Spike takes it even further.

Spike: I thought we kicked their ass, to be honest. Padma: You didn’t.

Oh, snap. The soggy corn dogs are the first to come under fire. Erik says they’re “as good as [he] can do with hot dogs.” Zoi tries to stem the bleeding by explaining their approach.

Zoi: We just decided that it was middle America, block party, kids. Tom: That is fine, but does that mean you should dumb down what you’re doing? Zoi: No, that’s not what we were doing at all.

Next on the firing line is Ryan’s Waldorf salad. Too much chicken and too little crunch equals a soggy gloop. Now it’s Spike’s turn to try to cauterize the wound.

Spike: You have to take in consideration that you guys are four people on the panel that have very good palates, intense palates. You can taste food better than others. Jennifer: But we were cooking for the neighborhood.

Psst, Jennifer, you just totally blew your girlfriend’s argument. But Spike can’t leave well enough alone and tries to reason his way out of sucking. He says everyone tasted everyone else’s dishes and was happy with them.

Spike: We kind of made the block party. Tom: All right, everyone tasted Zoi’s pasta and everybody thought it was good? Then you guys collectively have really poor palates, ’cause it was bland, it was oily and it had no flavor at all.

Oh, double snap. But instead of throwing Zoi under the bus, her teammates comfort her and Erik tells the judges that the pasta salad wasn’t Zoi’s choice.

At this point Andrew has had enough and says their team’s effort and camaraderie should have put them over the top. He also says they’d have to drag him out with security before he’d leave because “this is my house.” Tom looks like he is not sure if he should laugh or run.

Once, twice, three times the terrible – Sent back to await their fate, the Red(-faced) Team members grouse. The judges grouse, too. Their decision boils down to three terrible dishes: the soggy Waldorf salad, the soggy corn dog and the flavorless pasta salad.

Zoi kicks herself for not speaking up against the pasta salad. Chefbian Jennifer realizes her girlfriend may be the one sent home. You can see by the look on her face the amount of processing that they’d have to do if Zoi got kicked off first. She’d better just hope the show crowns its first dual Top Chefs.

Once back facing the judges, the cheftestants get spanked by Tom some more. But who has to pack his/her knives and go? Erik.

Big bear hugs all around for departing Erik. A relieved Zoi later tells the cameras that she is sorry to see him go, but, “I’m glad it wasn’t me who had to go home for pasta salad. That would have been super embarrassing.” I don’t know, Zoi. I think being sent home for corn dogs is about as embarrassing as it gets. And don’t forget, he gave the world the abomination known as nacho soufflé back in the first Elimination Challenge. An unholy creation like that you never live down.

Next time on Top Chef: Plastic wrap does not flambé. Richard Roeper gives the thumbs-up. Andrew is Dorf on Cooking.

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