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Interview With Ami Cusack

Tonight on the premiere of CBS’ Survivor: Micronesia, Vanuatu veteran Ami Cusack, who became known during that season as the leader of the women’s alliance, is back in the game. In 2004, Cusack, along with Scout Cloud Lee, were the first two openly lesbian/bi women to appear on Survivor; they remain the only two out lesbian/bi contestants on the series to date.

This season, Survivor‘s 16th, pits a tribe comprised of “favorites,” or former contestants (including Cusack), against a tribe of “fans.” Last week I spoke with Cusack, 34, over the phone from Denver, where she lives and works as a barista and nanny. She was good-natured and just as direct as she was during Vanuatu while answering questions about being characterized as a “man-hater,” her sexual orientation, and why she’s actually a “delicate flower.”

AfterEllen.com: In a lot of the press coverage about you during Survivor: Vanuatu, they often described you as being man-hating and arrogant. I guess I just thought you were a strong player who was finally sticking up for the women in that show. How did you feel about being characterized like that? Ami Cusack: It didn’t bother me really, because the people who know me know that I’m not a man-hater and know that I’m not arrogant. I just – I got to a point in the game where I really thought I was going to win, and it was my confidence that lost me the game really, because I was so sure that I was going to win, and that could have definitely been mistaken for arrogance. But I felt like I played a pretty strong game, and yeah, it doesn’t bother me that they portrayed me that way. Not a big deal. I can handle it.

AE: So in the end of Vanuatu, during the last episode, only you and Scout stuck with the women’s alliance and were the only two who voted for Twila. How did you feel about that? AC: I really thought that Twila deserved it. She’d really worked hard, and even though she did vote against me, I vowed to stick with her [to] the very end, and my word was just that. I didn’t change from it. Even though my game changed, I didn’t want what I had said during the game to change, so I was happy with the way I voted.

AE: What did you learn from that experience that you’ve decided to bring with you to Micronesia? AC: Well, Micronesia was just a completely different game for me – this is a completely different game for me. Right now in my life, I’m going through just a different way of being. I think the pendulum has swung, and I’ve really learned to be a lot more sensitive and a lot more feminine, a lot more – I don’t know, I feel more like a delicate flower now, so it’s definitely going to play differently, and we’ll have to see how it goes.

AE: You feel more like you’re a delicate flower now? AC: [laughs] Totally, it’s funny. I still feel like there’s definitely that strong woman in me that will always be there, but I’ve always been such a tough – like, bring it on, I can handle anything you’ve got, give it to me, I can handle it. Now I’m more like, you know, I don’t need to have that in my life. I don’t need to have, like, force – or I don’t have to be the strongest, toughest, most, you know, enduring the pain. I can still be a strong, powerful woman and not have to have that … hard shell about me.

AE: Right. OK. Well, I remember on Vanuatu, once you were talking to Twila and you said something like, “You could be more feminine, you should have some girls braid your hair.” [laughs] Sounds like you’re kind of taking that advice to heart. AC: Definitely. And the funny thing is, is after I gave Twila that advice, I braided her hair every single day and put flowers in her hair, and she was really thankful. And to this day, Twila and I are very, very good friends, so yeah, I’ve taken that advice to heart as well, just in the fact that I don’t have to be so tough.

I was brought up that way. My dad’s a major in the Marine Corps, a top gun fighter pilot, and always growing up, it’s like, “Don’t cry, don’t show your weakness.” And now I’m like, now it’s OK to say, “nope, that’s too much; no, I can’t handle that; no, this is where my limits are right now,” and I’m really growing into that. It’s a different space for me to be in, for sure.

Cusack and the other women of Survivor: Vanuatu

AE: Jeff Probst has been doing some interviews about this season, and he’s been saying that your goal is surely going to be to start another women’s alliance. Is there any truth to that? AC: I’m all about women sticking together and taking care of each other. So many times it’s so easy for women to be backstabbing or go with the guys ’cause it seems like the stronger way to go … so I’m always about supporting the ladies. I mean, it depends on how it goes, but I definitely am all about taking care of the women in my life, so we’ll have to see!

AE: Speaking of the women in your life, your girlfriend at the time, back when you were on Vanuatu, Crissy, she came to visit but they didn’t show you kissing her. Survivor‘s executive producer Mark Burnett actually told Entertainment Weekly that he didn’t think it was right to show lesbian kisses at 8 o’clock on TV. How did that make you feel? AC: That’s his opinion. If it was my show [laughs], we’d definitely be showing women kissing on 8 o’clock TV. Like, what a beautiful thing! We’d probably have a lot of viewers. But it’s his show, so yeah, I respect that. I was just happy to see her; I didn’t care whether they showed my kiss or not. Just her being there meant to the world to me. It really uplifted me, and the fact that we won that challenge just went to prove that we really had a lot of power between the two of us.

AE: But now you’re single, is that right? AC: Yeah, I’m single. Crissy and I are still super, super close, but I am single right now.

AE: So I have to ask you about your MySpace page, which does say, “It’s not the gender, it’s the person.” When and how did you come to that conclusion? AC: That’s not my MySpace page.

AE: That’s not your MySpace page? AC: No! [laughs] I don’t have television, I don’t have a computer, I don’t have – like I don’t watch television, and it’s very rare that I’m on the computer, so someone else put that up. That’s not even my MySpace page [laughs].

AE: So, do you identify as bisexual or lesbian or do you prefer not to identify? AC: Oh gosh, I don’t know. I don’t know if I would put a specific label on any of it. I mean, if I met the woman of my dreams and fell in love, I would stay with her, and if I met the man of my dreams and fell in love, I would stay with him. Like, I don’t know. “Bisexual” doesn’t really seem to fit me, and “lesbian” doesn’t really fit. I don’t know. I don’t know what I would classify myself [as].

AE: So somebody else created that MySpace page and put that up there without your knowledge. AC: Yes. [laughs] At some point I will rectify that, but it’s not that important to me. I think I’ve seen it once or twice, and, whatever.

AE: Well, at the time that you were with Crissy, all the press identified you as a lesbian. Did you agree with that at the time? AC: I don’t care. It didn’t bother me at all. That’s other people’s judgment calls or ways of defining something. It didn’t offend me at all. I support all the Pride fests – in fact I’m gonna be hostessing for the L.A. Pride, and I’m always, always at the Colorado Pride. It’s really something that I will always support.

AE: That’s great. So, you came back to Colorado and you’re still working at the coffee shop you were at before Vanuatu, right? AC: Oh, I love it, yeah. I work at Common Grounds in downtown Denver. It’s a family-owned coffee shop, and I just love it. I see over 300 people before noon, and I have a chance to make their day start in a really positive, uplifting way, or I can be a total bitch [laughs] and it can start in a really bad way. So I know that I have an effect on a lot of people before they get out there and start their day.

AE: How long do you think you want to work in a coffee shop? AC: I would like to own the coffee shop. I’ve been talking to them about buying it. I actually would be really interested in opening a tea and water shop at some point here in Denver, and having it my own, but until then, I’m really happy working where I am. And I’m also nannying right now, a little 6-year-old girl, and I love that job.

AE: Why did you decide to do Survivor again? AC: What an amazing experience it was. Like, to wake up in the morning and know on your “to do” list all you have to do is find water, find food, make sure the fire keeps going and win the challenge. Like that’s really all you have to do. All day long, there’s no answering phone calls, there’s no getting in the car, there’s no writing a paper, like none of that. It’s just the basic essentials that you need to have throughout your day, and it’s, I think, one of the best ways to spend your life. So the chance to get to do it twice was really a blessing.

AE: Are you hoping that people take away from your experience this time something different? For example, do you want to erase that man-hating thing? [laughs] AC: Oh, not at all. [laughs] I could care less. Like I said, all the people in my life and the people that meet me know that I’m not a man-hater. [laughs] I’m not some arrogant jerk, so I’m not worried about changing the way that America views me. I’ve been really accepted and loved by all the fans that I’ve met. They’ve been really sweet to me, really good people, so I feel fine with how things are going.

AE: Actually, the fans versus favorites thing is really interesting. I read that the producers allowed people to think that there would be 20 favorites cast this season, but actually there were only 10, to kind of trick the previous contestants and prevent them from setting up alliances beforehand. Did you know who the other contestants were going to be before you arrived in Micronesia? AC: Oh God no, not at all. … I knew that if there was any way that I was going to be accepted … you have to stay clean of all that stuff. Because the more you get dug into the other survivors and the other things that are going on, I think the less likely it is for [the producers] to choose you.

So once I heard that they were starting to pick people, I just cut off all ties with everybody [because] I don’t want to risk my chance of going out there. So I just told everybody that I knew from before, “I’m not gonna be talking to you for a while, I hope you understand that, and I look forward to talking to you in the future.” And it was great.

And Yau-Man did the same thing to me. He was like, “I won’t be talking to you anymore.” And I kind of like got in my stomach like, oh, Yau-Man must be going, but he and I both knew that it was in our best interest not to talk to each other about it. CBS is smart!

AE: So you had kept in touch with former castaways after you left. AC: Oh, definitely. Some of my best friends are past survivors. And my biggest passion since doing Survivor has been charity work. I do tons of charity stuff. Anything that has to do with children, women, homeless people, like anything that has to do with that, I’ll show up for.

The paid stuff, like VH1 called me for their gay reality stars, and they wanted to pay me to come out there, and I said no, sorry, unless you’re doing something to benefit a charity as well, I’m not doing it. So to me the charities have been a really big passion of mine. And fortunately there are a lot of survivors that are into the charities as well.

AE: How do you feel about going back on the island with Eliza? I think Eliza was on Vanuatu with you. AC: Oh, I love Eliza! I love Eliza. She’s like my little sister. She did vote me out in Vanuatu, so [laughs] kinda makes me a little skeptical, but I know that she’s just a really kind, loving person, so I’m excited to play with her.

Cusack and the other returning “favorites” from Survivor: Micronesia

AE: Is there any previous Survivor contestant that you wish was on Micronesia this time who didn’t make it in? AC: Um, Stephenie LaGrossa. She’s so hot. [laughs] Poor girl. Every time I see her I accost her, and she’s just a sweet girl, so [laughs] she runs from me. But, um, no, I’m happy with who they picked.

AE: Well, is there anything you’d like to say to your lesbian and bisexual fans? AC: Wow. Um, I’d have to think about that for a second.

AE: Take your time. AC: “Take your time.” [laughs] I don’t even really know. I just really appreciate everybody’s support. It’s been really nice having so much positive response from everybody.

Like at Pride a few years ago, people were so sweet to me. Everybody was coming up to me and really excited, and even now, going out, everybody comes up and it’s just like, “Wow, I’m so excited,” and it’s good to see the gay and lesbian community get really excited that they know – and personally, I spend a lot of time in the community – that they know and care about somebody that’s going to be on [Survivor]. So I just want to say thank you for all their wonderful support.

AE: Great, well, those are all my questions. Do you have any questions for me? AC: Yes, is there any way I could ever meet Ellen DeGeneres?

AE: You know what, I think that I have that same question. It’s at the top of my list too. AC: [laughs] She is so adorable.

AE: I bet you would meet her if you won Survivor. AC: Well, then we’ll have to see! Make sure you hold onto my number.

AE: All right, well, good luck. AC: Yeah, thank you. I really appreciate it, and it’s gonna be a lot of fun. Palau’s one of the most beautiful places, so it’s gonna be a lot of fun.

Survivor: Micronesia — Fans vs. Favorites premieres on CBS tonight, Feb. 7, at 8 p.m. ET.

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